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The Finders Ch.4

by QueenShadowGem


Chapter Four- If You Give a Brownie Honey



“Honey? Yes I do believe I have some. How much in exchange for a drink?” Leikin taps his satchel waiting for a response before retrieving the reward. The brownies greedy little black pearls told him that the cost would increase with the quantity he showed.



“Mmm… enough to fill this leaf.” The small man gestures to a leaf about the size of a spoon next to him.



Leikin raises an eyebrow and noting the leaf is near the size of the brownies head, plucks the leaf off of its plant and then sets it on a smooth old petrified stump. He then takes his honey jar out of his satchel and begins pouring the leaf bowl to its brim, stopping just before overfilling it.



The brownies eyes become black saucers as he realizes the sheer amount of honey this particular slowling elf has. He races over to the leaf with unanticipated speed. “This is good. This will be a helpful relation- the two of us knowing one another, this partnership should go far indeed….”



“Mmm, and is this because you want this jar perhaps?” Leikin waves it around and the brownie begins to ignore the leaf, very focused on the bigger picture.



“Yes, perhaps, but we could expand upon that. Create,” His eyes follow the moving jar. “ quite a friendship.” He snaps out of it with a little difficulty, and picks up the leaf plunging a hand inside it quite immediately.



“Hmph. Are you going to hand me a drink like that? I don’t prefer my alcohol worn.” Leikin’s face contorts in fascinated disgust as he watches the small fellow lap the honey from his hands, and notices for the first time that he has sharp teeth and a pointed tongue. What a strange little creature.



“Of course not!” He pauses glancing up uncomfortably. “Could you stop staring at me please?” The brownie looks at Leikin, not so amused. “You have an entire jar of honey there, thank you.”



Leikin realizes that it might not be fitting to stare at the little creature a bit too late and quickly glances away. “Do you have a handle?”



“Yes, I’m called Shoeleather.” The brownie makes enough room in the leaf for him to seal it, folding the sides in on themselves and using presumably a form of carpenter ant excretion to cement the sides. He then latches the leaf-honey-canteen onto a tiny workman's belt.



Leikin pauses hearing a familiar tinkling noise- the one from last night? He turns in circles slowly yet frantically trying to hear where it’s coming from. It may lead to Jashir afterall. Yet the more he turns the more frantic and disconcerting the sound is.



“Is this some weird greeting you elves have developed since I last saw your kind? What is that horrible sound?” The little brownie covers his ears and makes himself smaller. “Stop!!!”



Leikin looks at the brownie and stops, the noise stops simultaneously, wait a second is that me? Why am I jingling like that? He pats himself down his search ending to the top of his head. He removes his cap to find a bell in his hair. “This was not there yesterday. Did you do this?”



The brownie chuckles, “Me put that horrible sounding thing in your hair? It would have been a fun ruse, but sadly I had no time. I only found you as you stirred- you made a lot of racket. That and the fact I could see your blonde plumage for miles.” He points at the fluff of unruly hair falling from Leikins cap.



Leikin squints and then his expression softens. “Well, you did seem awfully surprised to hear the thing.” He Looks at the bell in his hand, barely over an inch in diameter. “Where did you come from?”



Shoeleather glares at the bell intently, “If that thing talks, I’m going to faint.”



Leikin looks surprised and glances back down at Shoeleather, “You didn’t look like the fainting type to me.”



“Well you can hardly kill a bell. I suppose if you built a big enough fire you could melt it, but if it's enchanted that could make it all the more dangerous.” Shoeleather stares at it a while longer. “Lucky for me, it doesn’t seem keen on conversing.”


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73 Reviews


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Tue Feb 02, 2021 6:03 pm
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ImaginativeAlice wrote a review...



Hey Alice is here to give a review!!!

It was very fun to read there conversations and you story is growing interesting chapter after chapter. And the suspense you build in your last paragraphs get me hooked everytime. There are some tiny grammatical mistakes that Momo has already pointed out so you can correct them otherwise this chapter was a good read.


Leikin realizes that it might not be fitting to stare at the little creature a bit too late and quickly glances away. “Do you have a handle?”


So handle means a name or nickname so you should have point it out. I got confused when I first read it.

Hope you post the next chapters fast I am very curious to know what will happen next.

Bye!!!






Thanks <33



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67 Reviews


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Sun Jan 31, 2021 3:22 pm
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LordMomo wrote a review...



Hello Mom! I haven't read the last few chapters, but I'm here with a review!!

I liked this! While I didn't have much context, I enjoyed reading this! I think I'll go back and read the rest of the chapters...

“Honey? Yes I do believe I have some. How much..."

A comma should be put after yes.

Leikin taps his satchel waiting for a response before retrieving the reward.

Same case here, a comma is needed after satchel.

The brownies greedy little black pearls told him that...

  • That should be brownie's here. This happens again in this work, so if you want m to point them out, PM me!
  • I'm not sure what you mean by "little black pearls" here? Do you mean his eyes? If so, you should write it like this.
The brownie's little black pearl eyes told him...

Leikin raises an eyebrow and noting the leaf is near the size of the brownies head, plucks...

A comma is needed after and.

...away. “Do you have a handle?”

I'm not sure what you mean here?

...the noise stops simultaneously, wait a second is that me? Why am I jingling like that?

  • A period instead of a comma after simultaneously.
  • Italicize his thoughts. Like this:
Wait a second. Is that me? Why am I jingling like that?

“Me put that horrible sounding thing in your hair? It..."

A comma is needed after me.

...unruly hair falling from Leikins cap.

That should be Leikin's here.

He Looks at the bell in his hand, barely...

That should be looks here.

...at the bell intently, “If that thing..."

A period instead of a comma after intently. This happens in the next sentence as well.

“Well you can hardly kill a bell.

A comma is needed after Well.

And that's it! Great job; keep writing!
Momo daughter.






Handle, means name or nickname. Yes I was referring to his eyes and thank you. <3



LordMomo says...


No problem!



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22 Reviews


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Sun Jan 31, 2021 1:07 am
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raindrops wrote a review...



Heya! raindrops is back again for a review.

What I liked the most in this chapter is that, although short its wholesome. I don' think it's lacking. Others tend to write their chapters long to input detailed descriptions of the setting, surrounding and every action, but that is not your focus. You excel in giving you're characters satisfying exchange of dialogues and line of thought. I do not mean that you're lacking descriptive phrases either, because they exist. I particularly like the part where how brownie found our main character because of his scattered blonde hair. So I really have little to comment in this chapter.

Chapter Four- If You Give a Brownie Honey
Alright, nice title right there. Catches my attention immediately after the previous chapter. One would certainly want to know what might just happen.

He then takes his honey jar out of his satchel and begins pouring the leaf bowl to its brim, stopping just before overfilling it.
That is some trade. That's some amount of honey!!!!

The brownies eyes become black saucers as he realizes the sheer amount of honey this particular slowling elf has.
Ooooh, Leikin is an elf. My bad for not reading the first two chapters.

Create,” His eyes follow the moving jar. “ quite a friendship.”
So I noticed some errors here, but these are small things, shouldn't it be like this: Create," his eyes follow the moving jar, "quite a friendship."
Notice the change in punctuations. Also at these point I see that a certain brownie is greedy. Well, I cannot say I did not expect that, he deals with business after all. But the audacity of them, using friendship to mask their real intentions, argh - but that's life I guess.

Shoeleather glares at the bell intently, “If that thing talks, I’m going to faint.”
So now we have a name for brownie, yay. And again these cheeky dialogues are great.


Overall: This was good. I like how calm and smooth going everything's going. And at every chapter we see development in our character's personalities. I also have to point out how your ending paragraph's not the most cliffy (I made-up that word, lol), but you're next starting paragraph's are an evident continuation, which is where I get hooked again. This makes me not look forward for the next chap because you left a mysterious information for me, but rather look forward to the next chapter to find out how you'll entice me this time. That's it for now, and am waiting for more.






thank you <33




The snow leopard is absolutely magnificent. It represents really what endangered species are all about.
— Jack Hanna