z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Thrallmagic: Chapter 8

by TheCrimsonLady


Chapter 8

I sit down in a chair, my posture regal, and rest my elbow on the table, accepting the glass of wine Arianna hands me. “I have several problems to deal with.” Taking a deep breath, I let it out, trying to think about my situation objectively to figure out what to do first. “Arianna, what you said about my father dying from poison was, indeed, true.” At my tone, everybody seems to sit up a little straighter, and I feel as though I am presiding over a Council meeting. A burst of pride runs through me, but I quell it, locking my feelings up to deal with the issue at hand.

“And the part about your mother poisoning him?” She studies my face, trying to decipher it.

I know that my face has become an expressionless mask at her question, and I don’t give her any clue to my feeling. “Unfortunately, I cannot simply ask her. I’d like one of you to try to find proof that she did poison him.” After a slight pause, I say, “Arianna, how did you come to find out that it was the queen that was the poisoner?”

Looking mildly uncomfortable, she says, “I was having someone shadow her inside the palace. They saw her slip something into the king’s wine and investigated afterwards.”

When she doesn’t continue, I say, “Well, what did they find?” My voice is impatient, and I am weary after going without sleep the entire night.

“They found a filtered powder that they then realized was essence of gri’athh.” Her voice is odd when she names the poison. “When filtered, gri’athh is deadly to nearly any creature. It is hard to detect when mixed with any substance.” She pauses, and looks at her lap. When she looks up, I’m surprised to see tears pooling in her bronze eyes. “It’s extremely rare, and must be used over a period of time. Last year, I sold some on the blackmarket.” Her voice is thin as she says, “That’s probably how your mother got ahold of the poison. I’m sorry, Ria.” Her voice breaks on my name, and she stands up abruptly. Her eyes stare into nothing, her mind seeming consumed with memories of the past. A single tear trickles down her cheek, and she turns and leaves, knocking over her chair and slamming the door in the process.

Somewhere deep inside, I want to wonder what happened, and talk to Arianna, but those feelings of friendship are locked up, and I don’t say anything. Lindon and Captain Wyrnson sit there, awkwardly, but I don’t say anything, clearing my head. Before I can say anything, the door opens, and Arianna walks in again. Her face is a mask now, too, and she sits without a word. “Shall we get back to the subject?” I toy with one of my rings as I speak, waiting for someone to reply.

Captain Wyrnson is the one to answer. “Of course, your highness.”

I nod firmly. “I need time to decide on a course of action. Queen Guinevere cannot be allowed to assume the throne.” I don’t call her my mother, trying to forget my hate for her and think logically.

Lindon sits forward, looking interested. “What do you propose, Rionach?” He rubs his jaw with one hand. “I can think of a few things the Hunt could-“

I cut him off, not liking where his sentence is going. “No, you cannot, and neither can the captain. I need my mother to keep from believing that either of you are helping me. Your Hunt, while useful, will be too easily recognized, especially since you’ve been quite open that you’re in the city.”

Lindon snorts. “I have made my dislike of Queen Guinevere quite obvious. Your mother knows that I care for you as I did my sister. If she had the slightest suspicion that you were plotting against her, she’d have me brought in for questioning immediately.”

“That I realise, Lindon. That is also why she can never find out about this, do you understand? Don’t breathe a word of it to anyone, not even if you trust them.” I meet all of their eyes, and they each nod in turn. Captain Wyrnson bows from his seat, and I take a deep breath. “Good. I’ve decided that the proper action here would be to keep my father alive for as long as possible.” I look straight at Arianna as I say this, and she flinches just a it, leaning away from me.

“I’m sorry, Ria-“ She sounds annoyed, but I can hear the layer of hurt underneath, and I cut her off, shaking my head.

“No, Aria. I want you to find a cure to the poison, or send someone to look for a cure. Can you do that?”

She grins and tilts her head. “You called me Aria.” I raise my eyebrows, not understanding the significance, and she explains, “When we knew each other, you used to call me that. I know you can’t remember, but it felt like old times for a moment.” She rolls her head, cracking her neck, and says, “But yes, I can send a message to my crew to start looking immediately. I can do a little hunting myself in the royal library- if you can get me in- and in the city.”

I nod. “Of course. Is there anything we can do in the meantime for my father?” I try not to let my worry show, but a hint of it leaks through into my voice, and Lindon covers my hand with his and gives me a sympathetic look.

Arianna sighs. “Not that I know of, no. I’m sorry.” She looks away, avoiding my gaze.

The firelight has dimmed a bit since we first started speaking, and Captain Wyrnson gets up to put another log on the fire. When he gets back, I continue. “Lindon, can you put some of your men on Prince Blathen Grigori?” Looking at the captain, I say, “I don’t ask for the Guard because I fear it may have been compromised, Captain.”

He nods gravely. “I understand, your highness. Do as you think best.”

Lindon cuts in. “Why am I having men shadow Prince Blathen, Ria?”

“Three reasons, Lin.” I tick them off on my fingers. “Firstly, all four of his previous wives have died in tragic accidents. Something’s not right there, and I want as much information on this prince as possible, especially if it’s incriminating.” Giving Lindon a meaningful look, I continue. “Second, I know he and the queen are plotting something, and I want to know what. The queen, although greedy and uncaring, would not want to lose her country, but I fear she is playing right into his hands. Finally, there is this.” I unbutton the last two buttons on my blouse and draw it up. A candle casts light onto the bruises perfectly, and Arianna sucks her breath in as she sees the darkening bruise on my hip in the shape of a man’s hand. “I have good reason to believe that if I should accept him as my betrothed and husband, I shall have to fear for my life.”

Their faces are shocked, but no disbelief shines through their expressions. None of them suggest that I am mistaken, and no one suggests that it was an accident, and for that I am grateful. When Lindon finally looks at me, his eyes are filled with rage. “He did this to you?” His voice is a snarl, and I place a hand on his arm, knowing the Unseelie penchant for flying into rages.

“Calm yourself, Lindon, we do not have time for this.” My voice is gentle, and I look at him nervously, worried about what might happen if he does fly into a rage and begins yelling.

Thankfully, he takes a deep breath, running his hands through his hair. “When did he do this to you, Ria?”

“Today, actually. We went riding with the vampire prince and his cousins. Afterward, well…” I trail off, buttoning my blouse again and gesturing to my hip.

Arianna clicks her fingernails on the wooden table, deep in thought. When she finally speaks, she says, “Do you want him dead, your highness?” The fact that she doesn’t use my name and avoids my eyes doesn’t pass by me.

Still, I reply honestly. “No, Arianna. The last thing Valkyr needs is a war. Even if it could never be traced back to me, I don’t believe it’s worth the risk. If I had Blathen killed, and my mother found out, she would destroy me.” Shaking my head, I meet her eyes. “No, Arianna, I can’t.” She nods her agreement and stands up.

“Of course, Rionach. Now, we should be going. I have further business, and if I’m to send that message, I must be off.” Glancing out the window, she continues, “Dawn is approaching, and I think it best if we’re all where we’re supposed to be when the sun comes up.”

Stifling a yawn, I nod, surprised at how tired I feel suddenly. “Yes, lets. Oh, and Captain, if you could just speak to the army and Commander Dian, and report to me what is happening on the south border, that would be much appreciated.” I stand up, and finish, “If the queen speaks to you about anything- anything at all, Captain Wyrnson, you will tell me.”

He nods, and bows. “Of course, your highness. Shall we?” He crosses to the door and pulls it open.

Arianna skirts through it first, pulling on her jacket, and I lose sight of her quickly. Lindon and I step out together and make for the palace. They sky is paler, though the sun is not coming up in the east yet. By now, even the seediest of taverns have closer, and except for a few odd sounds here and there, nearly everything is quiet. Lin and I walk back to the palace in silence. When we finally reach the gates, we sneak around them, getting in through a secret entrance in the gardens, the same way I got out.

Lindon, I want to spend the day with you, truly I do, but, I’m so tired, and I don’t think it wise for me to disappear from any council sessions today. It makes me appear weak.” I look at him, apologisng with my eyes. “Can we reschedule for some other day?”

He smiles at me. “Of course, Ria. Besides, you’ve been up all night. It’s best that you get some sleep.” Planting a kiss on my forehead, he grins at me. “I should go now. Good night, Ri.”

I hug Lindon, and after one last apology for cancelling on him, let him go. Sighing, I pull my hair out of its braid and decide to head to my room to see if I can get any sleep. Suddenly, I feel someone’s eyes on me, and I whirl around. When I meet Lord Cyan’s eyes, it feels almost like before, with Blathen, but Cyan approaches me with fear, rather than anger.

“Your highness, I apolo-“

I cut him off, terrified and angry. “You followed us the entire night, didn’t you? You were the person who made the stick crack in the woods, and somehow, you managed to keep up with us without being seen. How much did you hear?” Somehow, I am calm, but I feel the cold, monstrous side of me take over deep inside.

Thankfully, he doesn’t try to make excuses or lie. “I heard everything, your highness. I won’t-“

I cut him off again, easing my sword out of its sheath. “Simply answer my question, Lord Cyan. I want no more from you.” I study him, my eyes flicking over his dark cloak and hood. “And tell me, why shouldn’t I kill you, here and now? I could burn you to ash before you could utter a word, rip your heart out where you stand, slice your head clean off before you can move.”

“Two reasons, your highness. The first is that if my body is found- or even if I go missing- everyone will assume, rightly, that it was a faerie that killed me. My king will declare war on Valkyr and the fae, and the last thing you want is to endanger your country.” He pauses, searching his mind to come up with the right words. “I know how you think. I’ve watched you, Princess Rionach, and when it comes to your countries’ welfare, my prince and yourself are of the same stance. You would both give up your life, your happiness, your loved ones- all with a smile on your face if it meant saving your country.”

I ignore his last sentences, instead replying, “You said you had two reasons. What would the second be?”

“The second, Princess Rionach, is that we would be willing to help you.” A streak of pale pink in the sky catches my eye, and I sigh, wanting to stay to hear more, but unable to.

“I’ll find you later today, or perhaps tomorrow. You will then explain to me exactly what you mean by that and, in the meantime, you will stop following me around.” I glare at him, and add, “If you choose to speak to someone- anyone- about what you have heard tonight, I promise, I will ruin you and everyone you care for.” Turning proudly, I walk towards the palace, trying to calm myself down before I get to my chambers.


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396 Reviews


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Thu Feb 04, 2016 6:58 pm
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Pompadour wrote a review...



I don't trust Captain Wyrnson. At all.

Another dialogue-heavy chapter. I like how you incorporated snippets of action amidst the dialogue, but I'd like something more to crunch on. Just the usual bit of critique. I've seen you describe things--and describe them well--so I'm going to be a bit insistent on sifting a little more detail into your prose. Otherwise, lovely work as usual!

In that vein, I don't have much to say about this chapter, besides the fact that I /do/ have something to mention about Rionach's chapter five outburst during the Council meeting--because I completely forgot about it in the last chapter, with the suspenseful build-up and stuff. The fact that Ria spoke up about something that definitely /wasn't/ in the queen's favour must have been quite impactful, either where Valkyr's relations with the other countries is concerned, or on Ria and Guinevere's relationship. Unless the event dissipated, I think Guinevere would have confronted Ria much earlier on, and I'm surprised that the consequences of that particular happening have remained unmentioned so far. I think it's an important event, with important effects, so work it through in the edits, maybe?

I'm wondering how Ria's memory loss works. I'd honestly forgotten all about it, so it was a bit of a shocker being reminded of it. On that note, I'm interested in knowing what life for Ria was like, growing up, and I wouldn't mind finding out more about her history.

The twist with Cyan following Rionach&Co. is interesting. He's adopting a much more active role than Alexander, and the only comment I'll leave here is to be careful with giving each character the same amount of attention. I have a feeling Alexander is gonna be important later on, but whatever the case may be, I'd like some more grit on already-existing characters; their voices are becoming more distinct, which is good, but work on adding more features to the façade. Rionach's smart; use her observation skills to good effect and record the way she sees the other characters' actions and responses.

Keep writing! Keep up the fantastic work! Hopefully, I'll catch up on the rest of the chapters soon.

~Pomp x




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Sun Sep 27, 2015 9:35 pm
Rydia wrote a review...



Last chapter then I'm off to bed :)

Specifics

1. Arianna is very quick to tears in this chapter which seems at odds with how she has been until now. I think perhaps there needs to be a more gradual lead up to that or more to cause it - perhaps Ria gets angry at her first?

2.

“Good. I’ve decided that the proper action here would be to keep my father alive for as long as possible.” I look straight at Arianna as I say this, and she flinches just a bit, leaning away from me.


3.
Arianna skirts through it first, pulling on her jacket, and I lose sight of her quickly. Lindon and I step out together and make for the palace. They the sky is paler, though the sun is not coming up in the east yet. By now, even the seediest of taverns have closer closed, and except for a few odd sounds here and there, nearly everything is quiet.


4. I think you need a pause after Ria threatens Cyan for us to see how afraid he is - describe his expression and his actions. Does he raise his hands to appease her or take a step back? It's a nice section of dialogue and you should linger on it a little and show us through Cyan's reaction how scary she is.

Overall

This is a pretty solid chapter. I think you've got some strong dialogue and the plot to overthrow Ria's mother is definitely underway. The only part which felt out of place to me was Arianna's outburst but maybe there's something you've covered in an earlier chapter which explains that and Ria's memory loss where Arianna is concerned is intriguing. I'd love to see that explored more - does Ria remember anything about their time together as children or does she just feel that they were close and occasionally have flickers of memory?

Anyway, there's not much to comment on here so nice work!

~Heather




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Fri Sep 04, 2015 9:06 am
Lightsong wrote a review...



Hey! I see you finally use the tagging method to bring attention to your pieces. Well, here I am to review! :D

First, the suggestions;

Spoiler! :
Lindon narrows his eyes and opens his mouth to reply, but I clap my hand over his mouth and cover the lamp with the end of my cloak.


"Mouth" is redundant here. Replace the second one with "it".

There’s a girl there- a head of the revolutionaries- she wrote him weeks ago, asking him to come and help.


Hmm, I find the placing of hypens akward. It should be:

There’s a girl there - a head of the revolutionaries - she wrote him weeks ago, asking him to come and help.


That's how I seen them in novels, anyway, with the hyphens being a little longer.

The fact the Prince Jorge is still alive isn’t helping, either


Change the second "the" with "that".

My mother tortured and killed Lindon’s sister because the Wild Hunt would not follow her orders.


"Would"? Just change it with "didn't".

Hugging walls and taking side streets whenever I can, I stalk the quiet streets of Aerch When I finally catch sight of a sign bearing a yellow-gold mug on it, I sigh in relief and slip through the door.


A dot before "When".

Lindon looks at me with concern, and Arianna eyes me.


Woah! Suddenly Ariana's there. :o Make the transition a bit, like, "and there is Arianna, her eyes on me".

I pull myself onto the railing, swaying precariously, and, shutting my eyes, make the jump.


She jumps with her eyes closed? >.> Sounds more dangerous than when they are opened.

Arianna addresses Lindon as the leader f the Wild Hunt, and I wonder how they know each other.


"...leader of..."


Now for the plot, characters, and settings;

Oh, finally. The plot is moving again. After the previous chaos which doesn't really say anything to us, this chapter is dedicated to their journey for the meeting. I like it, it keeps teasing me about what would happen in the meeting. Apart from that, nothing else happens here though. Oh, I wonder who's the person following them. Perhaps it would be revealed later.

For characters - Lindon's interaction with Arianna is unexpected, and they know each other. They seem to get along well despite past encounters, and I like it. Maybe I'll ship them. Rionach's character is slowly revealed - she likes adventure, and isn't afraid to take one even if there's a risk involved. I'm taken aback a bit when she laughs with Arianna. I don't expect that kind of relationship she has with Arianna because they seem a bit careful with each other earlier.

Settings - I love your descriptions. They succeed to give me a vivid imagery of the places, and they're manipulated beautifully. Nothing much to say here other than to keep doing that. You know what you're doing. ;)

And that is all! Keep up the good job! :D






Thank you!
'Kay, with Ria and Ari, Ari used to be Ria's friend, but Arianna asked for Ria's memories to be wiped. So Ria still feels friendship towards Ari. Her head tells her not to trust Ari, though, so their friendship is a bit weird. I'll make that more clear.




Have you met a cow or another large animal?
— Liminality