How Writing Saved Me

How Writing Saved Me

Only a child I was, no purpose to the world yet.
I had no passions or talents. The constant pressure from my family
was astounding. The constant fear of messing up made me very shy.
Around 1st grade, my teachers thought I was coming out of my shell,
at least that's what they thought. Sure, I had improved but I
was still shy. My mom always made me work very hard in school, which
I admire. I tried so hard, but I still had troubles in some things.
And my dad on the other hand just cared that was doing well in
softball or whatever sport I was doing. In anything I did, I had many
questions, but always knew I was never going to ask due to my
shyness. I always had troubles in math, I did well on homework, but
when it came to tests, nope. I couldn't handle the pressure,
which again was due to my shyness. I brought my tests home only to
disappoint my parents in any way possible. Not only in school but
also in sports. My parents always insisted on me playing softball or
soccer, the two sports I despised. I tried so hard to appease them,
and I just kept getting negative results. Eventually, I broke. I fell
into the state of depression. Useless to the world. At the time, I
was 8. Who knew an 8 year old could feel, let alone know about those
feelings. I felt excluded from the world. No one really liked me,
just pretended to care to crush me later. I had switched schools 3
different times, which didn't really help the situation. I
just felt alone in the big, bad world. Nothing to cling to, no
legacy. Around 10 years young, things started to turn around. I found
purpose again. School became exciting, I made new friends. I was in
4th grade, everything was swell. I slipped out of my depression and
tried to find some meaning to life. 5th grade was a breeze. Then came
middle school. It was such a transition in my life coming from a
small town school which only had 100 kids total. I knew in my heart,
things were gonna crash and burn. Middle school wasn’t as bad
as I had thought. It was about halfway through the year when things
started to take an ugly turn. My grandma, the woman who I cared about
the most, the one I looked up too became ill and sadly passed away. I
was devastated. There wasn't any way to cope with the loss of
someone so dear to my heart. I couldn't cry in front of my
parents or anyone for that matter. I hated being seen as a weak,
needy girl. I cried, alone in my bedroom at night. I cried myself to
sleep almost every night. I was dispirited, no need to be in this
world without the woman I cared about most. It hurt so bad not being
able to see her face or hear her voice. She was the only one who was
always on my side, didn't care that I didn't do
anything special, she loved me regardless. I was doing worse in
school, I honestly didn't care anymore. My own parents
didn't even notice the change in me, meanwhile that was all I
could think about. But, there was one class I did exceptionally well
in. English language arts welcomed me into this world where I could
express myself through writing or reading and take me into different
worlds to escape my current one. It was amazing, I always felt I had
something special when it came to words but just didn't have
the expertise to accomplish it. Writing allowed me to put my feelings
onto to paper and to write as long as I wanted without a care in the
world. I was depressed and  having awful thoughts, but writing saved
my life. I have written many books since then and am in a much
happier state of mind. That is why I'm writing this today to
let others that might be in the same situation as me that there IS
hope and to NEVER give up on yourself. There is some talent deep down
inside you, as long as you never stop looking.