Beaker Strikes Back (crude language)

This is a reference to Pulp Puppet Fiction, which you'd need to read first for this to make any sense

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Beaker Strikes Back

He pulled the sleek Walther PPK out of his suit jacket, it was small

and light, perfect for his smaller stature. He quickly screwed the

rough, home made silencer into place. He had his target, and he was

going to be damned if he was going to be stopped now. He'd come to

long, and gone too far to stop now.

After Fozze Bear got his, the whole world turned to hell. He was the

last of the Muppet Gang, but he had formed new alliances. Tarantino

and Uma Thurmond had lent their full support after Elmo pledged his

allegiance. Beaker set to work fast finding any and all puppets and

puppeteers alike to aid in his quest for revenge. He didn't have to

look hard.

The entire puppet community was in an uproar, and wanted nothing more

than to destroy the Tambonni family. Sesame St. was his first stop.

Elmo knew the right people, and could get him in. He went strait to

the ring leader of the group, Big Bird, and his second hand man,

Cookie Monster.

"Big Bird, you know why I am here."

"I know this indeed, Don Beaker. I wish I wish I could help you, but

you know very well, that my wings are tied. I have my own union to

run, my own people to keep happy. Elmo's eagerness to aid you is one

thing, but I cannot guarantee the willingness of the rest of my men.

Oscar you know, is very adamant about not leaving his can, its in his

contract. Bert and Ernie are against violence, and Telly is too dumb

to do anything but recite the fucking alphabet. I'm sorry, but I just

cannot help you at this time."

"The assault on the muppets is only the first step. Where do you

think those fuckers over at the Tambonni house are going to go for

next? Big Blue Bear? Fuckin Gifford? Small apples my friend, small

apples!"

"Unfortunately, I know this is true. However, at this moment in

time, I still cannot help you. But I know the name of the man that

can."

"Your not talkin about Oz?"

"The one and only. I can get you to him. It wont be easy, but I can

get it done. As you know, Oz is behind all of us. You, me, even

fuckin Lucas buts his fuckin head on the floor for Oz. You know

Tarrantino and Thurmon, thats a start. But the real McCoy is behind

Oz. You can get Oz, and you have my full support my friend. Now, get

the fuck out of here. I'll send someone for you at this address. Be

there no later than 11 PM in black. No heat. That shit may fly over

at the fuckin puppet show, but not with Oz." He wrote the address

down on a slip of paper, passed across the desk, and shooed the tiny

muppet away.

Beaker stood, and bowed his head, without uttering a word, turned and

left the room with the address in hand.

11 PM sharp. Standing all in black leotards, he left his gun back at

his studio apartment. He never felt comfortable without it anymore,

but he was going to see the Oz. A long slender black Cadillac, tinted

windows, too black to see through, and silver swirls along the trim.

It stopped. A window opened.

"You're Beaker."

"Ye-"

"That wasn't a question. Heat?"

"No, b-"

"Good, get in."

The door opened slowly. There was no light inside, even if there

was, he wasn't sure there was anyone inside. Lord knows where the

voice came from. He stepped in the car.

"The Bird says you got some business."

"Its about the Tambonni's."

"We know who it's about. You're the kid fixin to take them down."

He hadn't noticed at the time, but the car was now moving at a

dangerously fast speed. Bobbing and weabing through trafficso fast

heads were spinning. No one touched this car though, no one who

valued their life. Everyone knew who's car the black cadillac with

the silver swirls was, and no one had balls enough to even look at it

anymore.

"I got some debts need payin, if you get my sayin."

"We do indeed. Oz is willing to help you. After Sesame street goes,

Lucas would be next. Then its good riddance to puppets everywhere.

But he want's someone as a fall guy, unless this falls through,

someone he can put it all on as an individual crazy. He wants you."

"Not a problem, what d-"

"Take that package, there are instructions for the Bird, and several

other small grape gangs around the territory. You got any questions?"

"Where is he?"

"Oz? No one meets the Oz. He sends others in his place, he doesn't

show himself. Consider yourself lucky if you even meet fuckin Yoda.

Get out." The car came to a screeching halt, and the door again

opened. Beaker barely had time to set his foot on the ground before

the car sped off again.

Not thirty seconds later a second car showed up, Big Bird opened the

door. "I understand you have some instructions for me?"

That was it, Sesame St, Puppet shows from parks around the world, he

had them all. Not a single puppet could deny him now. Oz had his

back, and with Oz, there was victory.

Next, there came the standard in war waging supplies and ordinances.

Armored cars, guns, people, puppets, strings, over a tun of cotton,

thread and needles to close wounds, and seamstresses. It was time to

kill some fuckin Tambonnis.

It wasn't until after they had regained their original turf that he

realized. There wasn't any way to win this war for good, not without

infiltrating and killing Don Tambonni. He needed the Oz. It would

have to wait however, because it was snack time.

He closed the door to his apartment, checking twice for any would be

doer inners. After locking the door he proceded to the fridge, the

light didn't come on. It hadn't come on all week. It was still cold

though, and that was all he cared about.

"Need the don, you do."

Beaker snapped around and drew his gun so fast his head didn't follow

for several seconds after.

"Away put your weapon! I mean you no harm! The Don you need, yes."

".. Yeah, I need the Don."

"But get him, you cannot."

"I... can't?"

"Not in that form, hmhmhmhm. A puppet you are, a human, you must be."

"Not to kill the fucker."

"But close you must get, protected he is!"

"What do you propose? Going in guns blazing aint exactly gettin us there."

"Hm.. true this is, but other ways there are. Found him I have,

lucky to receive this, you are."

"If you know where he is, why don't YOU kill him?"

"Because, Yoda i am, killing my thing, is not."

And now, we're right back at the beginning. Johnny Tambonni right in

his sights. It would have been a clean kill too, no one would have

known, and suspected one of his own. If only it were not the distinct

sound of the click of a revolver in his ear.

"You, Doll, come with us."

"Or what?"The gun was pressed against his head.

"Right, which way then?" His gun was taken, he was blindfolded, and

lead into Tambonni's office.

"So Doll, we meet at last. You know, you've been causing me all

kinds of trouble lately. I should kill you right here. Who the FUCK

do you think you are?! I've lost 100's of men because of you! I've

lost turf because of you!"

"Kill me, or don't kill me, pig fucker, but spare me your dramatic speaches."

"No! I've got better plans for you... Bring him in!"

"Beaker? Beaker!! Your ALIVE?" the voice was unmistakable. Fozze

Bear was never killed. As quickly as he had been shown, he had been

taken away again. But it was enough to convince Beaker that there was

more to fight for.

"If you want to see your friend alive again, and in once piece, i

suggest you do what i ask."

"What do you want?"

"The Bird. Bring me the bird, and you get your bear back. Your

going to organize a full frontal attack on this base, and the Bird is

going to be there. Your going to put him in a position, something we

can get a hold of him with."

He didn't have to ask. He knew exactly why he wanted Big Bird. Big

Bird knew Oz personally, possibly the only living puppet to have seen

him. Apparently Tambonni didn't know of Beaker's connections to the

Oz. Bring down Oz, and bring down the puppets, once and for all.

Even Lucas would have to fold.

"Get my drift?"

"Yeah, I gotcha. You'll get your fucking bird." Beaker was lead

back to Sesame St, with everything he needed to know to walk into an

ambush. But he had other plans.

"Bird!! BIRD!"

"WHAT do you FUCKIN want?!"

"We're gunna get him, we're gunna get Tambonni."

"How the fuck do you propose to do that?"

"He gave me the plans..." Beaker explained everything. Yoda, the

assassination, and Fozze. He had a different plan though. There

would be an ambush alright, and there would be a bird, but it wouldn't

be anything the Tambonni's were expecting. Immediately the set into

action. Arming every able bodied puppet they could. And building a

suit. A replica bird. Bird 2 would be leading the ambushed assault,

and Bird 2 would be captured, and there would be not but 15 puppets,

not nearly enough to protect their false leader. It was planned to be

an amush, but it would in the end be the puppets to ambush the family.

The attack went on as planned, and the Tambonni's in the end, wound

up with their bird, and in return, let Fozze out the back door as

promised. But as he went out, puppets went in. The specially created

Puppets for Eratication of Tambonni Shitheads, or PETS, went in with a

lethal stealth. Systematically killing every standing man in the

house. Until finally, there was only one. Johnny Tambonni. Beaker

swore his revenge, and now he could have it. The coward was found,

hiding behind the fake Bird, threatening to kill him. Beaker simply

said "Meep." and mowed him down with his trusty Thompson.