Another sky, crystal blue
Diamond drops for clouds
A dream of warmth and life
Barren sky, ash and smoke
Deserted with no stars
A world of breaking hearts
Sugared melodies and
Silver bells echoing with
Untarnished innocence
Salted caramel tears
Dark, ebony storm clouds
Veiling an abyss of despair
A waxen candle flickering with
Fragile embers of kindness
Extinguishable by a single breath
Shadowed plethoras of silence
Cracked, gray-ice hearts, and the
Pale, piercing snow, always
Falling,
Falling,
Falling.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
hey! up for a review to have the Blue fish team on top.
the piece is really interesting and attracts the readers. the way you compared the two different conditions of the same thing and yet having the same end was really good. it comes out powerfully.
the diamonds for the sky, the flickering flame of candle ,the snow, those caramel tears and storm cloud fit in perfectly and made the piece to reach its ending successfully. I really loved it.
your style of putting up words and expressing the meaning out is thumbs up. The description of everything from sky to life and to that flickering flame was amazing. I enjoyed reading it.
if something is more than what i get from reading it then do tell me. I would love to know it.
hope to read more of you.
Stay awaken, keep writing.
~~chitz
Thank you!
Hey there, I'm here to review your poem.
First off, I love the polar opposites yet the slight similarities to the different realities you described in the poem.
Between life and death and the connection. Almost felt as though you related life to the seasons. The birth of life, spring. The warmth, summer. To then the harsh clouds, fall and the ice and snow, winter. But for the ending to be the words "falling" as if to return back to the beginning to the ice turning into diamonds for the sky. Very nice transition I may say. I love the way you worded this line:
"A waxen candle flickering with
Fragile embers of kindness
Extinguishable by a single breath"
Really, REALLY love the way this was worded. Well done. Keep writing
Thanks so much for the review!
Thumbs up
Thank you, Snow!