Published March 14, 2011
Just close your soul
Disregard the passing lies
It's safer if you just stay dead
Nevertheless, come be alive
Its dangerous to feel the joy
Because depression is it's brother
But dont get too tied up in tears
I'll love you like no other
I'm not like those who hurt you
Who left with no goodbye
They spit their words and cut your soul
And showered you with lies
They broke your heart
They left you cold
They couldn't see what i see
They'll never know what i know
No one can take the scars they made
And usher them away
No one can bring back the dead
To hear the words they'd say
I cant force your smile
Or make you just forget
But i will always be here
My promises will stay kept.
<3
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140,581 Literary Works • 673,530 Reviews
*smiles alittle* i like this. I think that all these reviewers have good points, but they dont see the BIG PICTURE. I know what it is like to feel safe living alone. You will never get hurt. So, you are saying kinda "it is ok if that is what you want, but come here my love and understand I can be everything you need" sorta. I like your choice of words and your message here. And plus I think that its so sweet that you have someone to actually say this to, and the things you said are sweet too. -_- wish that was me. But what am I doing, feeling sorry for myself. It is a fantastic poem. Good job.
Thanks guys! I'll fix the grammatical stuff when i get the chance, and i know a lot of it might seem confusing, and hard to read, but its a really personal piece, with lots of lines that hit directly at something important... and he understands what i had to tell him, and thats all that matters to me. Thanks for all the comments though - i really appreciate it!
writeitalldown - no, the person this is about didn't kill anyone, its about how someone deaths haunts the person who was close to him, how the death affects him still and he cant let it go, and how it hinders him. i know its kinda confusing - sorry! Thanks again!
-PurpleHeart
Umm... I may be wrong but does the narrator kill the people that hurt the one he/she loves...cause you say "No one can bring back the dead to here the words they'd say" either way I love this, bravo!! Btw I totally get what you are saying.
Disregard the other comments, I know what you're trying to say. It all makes sense now, and you know what else makes sense? You and I; we make sense. I Love You, Morgan. Keep writing, you're amazing at it. <3
i totally love this poem!!! it reminds me a lot of me and my boyfriend. it also reminds me of a song. Keep writing amazing stuff like this!!
Hi. Kafka here. Grammatical errors are in red.
I have this feeling that you're trying to say something, but the words come out tangled and disorganized. You kind of alienate me with that first stanza, because I have no idea what you're getting at. This confusion is what's preventing me from being able to sympathize with what you're feeling. Again, in the second stanza, you have such a tenuous beginning that I'm not sure what feeling it is that you're trying to support. I only have a few small hints, such as the word "lies." I'm guessing this is supposed to go for a sense of deception? Again, I really can't be sure.
Now I'm really confused. Are you trying to say that you're the one this...person...should love? Not the people who apparently cut his/her soul? You really have to establish this earlier. You know something's wrong when it takes a whole half of a poem for the reader to even understand what you're trying to say.
And then there's the transition bug. Always a tough thing to master. Instead of easing into the whole "I'll always be there for you" thing, you pretty much fall like a brick into it. Need to work on that. Also, I have no idea what you're attempting to get across with that penultimate stanza. I'm saying "What?" all the way through. Again, needs work.
Well, keep writing.
-Kafka
I like the poem, but i get a little confused in the second stanza. At first you talk about closeing up and not letting anyone in, then suddenly you start talking about how you'll love lie no other, if you are telling someone you love them, wouldn't you encourage them to love you back?
I don't know, it might be just me, otherwise, very nice
I don't know what to say about your poem. It is obvious that you have something to say through this poem, but it's like that message can't reach me. The style is not appropiate for a poem, there are some strange expressions and phrasings... and you didn't use metaphors... if I'm right. It's the heart of poetry. Kind of felt a little blank.
I'm sure you can re-write it in a better way. Poetry is not easy to write and I want to congratulate you for what you've achieved.