Published September 19, 2011
You were always there for me
From the time I joined all of you.
But now you've left me all alone,
I was thirteen.
I came to you to say goodbye
But only for the day
The pale pink floor was covered with boxes,
I was thirteen.
You told me you weren%u2019t leaving yet,
So I went out that night.
Did you lie to make me happy?
I was thirteen.
I was shocked when I came back, for
I had wanted to help, to be happy for you, but
I missed it Beth, and I miss you,
I was thirteen.
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140,573 Literary Works • 673,519 Reviews
I felt that some parts of it were very lyrical, but others were too jolty - they didn't flow enough: I liked the first stanza, it was interesting, fairly basic, but certainly enough to keep me reading, well done.
In the second stanza, the first two lines are really beautiful, very pretty, simple and unflowered but exquisite - unfortunately the next two just don't seem to work.
The third and fourth stanzas were nice too, pretty and unflowered - keep writing!
Love, the 2nd Beth to comment on this
I didn't say it was completely truthful! And The number thing was supposed to be a smiley face/.
Oooooooooh sure, make me feel like a jerk... I did not lie. I told you I was leaving that night instead, but you HAD to go to Autumn's house or wherever...just like you HAD to go camping instead of coming to visit me...
But I guess it at least makes me feel special to have a poem written about me. Jerk.
Love,
Bethy
your poem beautifully captures the feeling of alienation and fear when a happy go lucky,jolly kid enters teenage..!(at least that's what i understood)
i didn't understand that "%u2019t" thing..,is it some kind of code word..??
overall,i think the poem is short and sweet..!! keep going...!! all the very best..!!:)