Published November 17, 2011
As I recall, it was nine-o-clock
when he hugged me and I hugged him.
We sat down on the weathered dock,
our feet did hang right o'er the rim.
We sat on the edge for half an hour,
and talked about our homes and such.
When we passed the garden, you gave me a flower,
and then through our hands, I felt our souls touch.
You and I, me and you, we walked around the yard.
We looked up at the moon and we both smiled.
Our path was lit by a rock with craters marred,
we were quiet but our love was running wild.
The way I love you I'll explain,
When I'm with you I feel no pain.
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140,573 Literary Works • 673,519 Reviews
I thought it was great.
Fantastic.
Amazing.
I'm out of words!
I loved it.
Keep writing cause you're pretty awesome.
Sincerely,
Ciara<3
Hello there!
This poem is cute. There are some things about it that I absolutely love, and others that I might tweak just a bit.
Hmm. I'm not sure how I feel about the first three words. I mean, in a different poem they might work, but somehow I feel like they don't give anything to the feeling of this poem. To me, I feel like this poem is a sweet poem about two teenagers, and the words 'as I recall' seem just a tad too proper to fit the feeling of it. I might think of something different.
The second line is good, and I genuinely like the third line (my favorite part about it is how you used the word 'weathered' to describe the dock, it's very descriptive in a great way!). Going into the fourth line, I would've preferred if you would've simplified it to make it flow better.
The only part about this part of the poem that I would change is the end of the second line. Again, the words 'and such' lends an older quality to this poem than I feel is fitting. Other than that, I absolutely love it!
I wouldn't change anything about this part of the poem. My favorite part of the whole thing is your ending; it's so sweet and simple that it's incredibly endearing. I love it!!
Always always always keep writing!!!
-Rose
Hi there, PurpleEurope!
Hmm... I kind of like it, though it could flow more. I would use other words to finish a few lines. Like for example here:
"We sat on the edge for half an hour,
and talked about our homes and such."
I don't think the world "such" lets the poem flow, and I don't think it's that necessary either, it's just a fill word. xD
Though, this is all my opinion. Overall, you did good! Keep writing!
~Solly<3
I love it love it love it! You discribe the scenes to the tee! Your a star in the spotlight, and I like the way you right. Sounds like nine-o-clock is a lucky time for you, eh? Good job and congradulations on a sweet poem! I want more, encore, encore! Keep on writing!