Published November 15, 2011
I haven't always smiled when I see people kissing
But now when I see that it's you that I'm missing
I always thought that love was just a silly superstition
But now my darling, love is my most real ambition
I used to tell my friends that I was focused on my work
But when I think of you, I can focus, I'm berserk
Everyone told me that I could be with them if I was alone.
But now that I'm with you, I don't need them. I'm home.
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140,828 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
This is so cute!:) I like it!
I liked it. Everything that I saw to be fixed already was by other reviewers
So maybe I shouldn't be wasting your time with my review, but I just had to tell you, at first, this was just another poem to me. As I was reading, I was already like, "I can't find things to fix here grammatically, and I don't know what to suggest to make it better, so I'm not going to do a comment." But then I got to the last two lines.
And can I just say, this took my breath away. Really. As readers, I think we'll only truly like something if we've had a similar experience and can really relate to it. That's why some really heartfelt poems get wretched reviews, some of the reviewers have never felt that way, and they think the writer is exaggerating and being unrealistic. So, for me, these lines just made the poem for me. It's really beautiful. And I knew I had to comment, just to tell you that. No matter what you decide to keep or change about this poem, please keep those two lines. They're brilliant.
Keep writing!
D'awww<333
You showed us in the rest of your poem that you have the capacity to create amazing pieces. <3
Hi there, PurpleEurope!
Lovely. It flows well, it was symmetric, and the ending gave it the perfect touch. Although, I have a problem with the second line: "But now when I see that it's you that I'm missing" Do you think you could rephrase that in a more creative way? It seems to me like phrase is kind of worn out by other writers and singers. Perhaps you could make up a metaphor that shows how missing someone feels, or something. Anywho, I know you can make this better.
Keep writing~
~Solly<3
This is SO cute and I love it!
Just wanted to fix a few things:
I haven't always smiled when I see people kissing,
But now when I see that, it's you that I'm missing.
I always thought that love was just a silly superstition,
But now my darling, love is my most real ambition.
I used to tell my friends that I was focused on my work,
But when I think of you, I can't focus, I'm berserk.
Everyone told me that I could be with them if I was alone.
But now that I'm with you, I don't need them. I'm home.