Published January 3, 2006
Zoning Into The Dharma
11-19-05
I lose myself
into a heavy room standing
crooked, bent, in a sandy house
on a sandy shore, storm surf flailing
salty spray, smell, gulls squawking,
shrieking out their lives,
around grumpy wise Heron.
I lose myself so often in these clouds,
reindeer voluptuously running,
liquid muscles burning black lava flame,
outer space is living, cosmic explosions,
is breathing in these moments when I’m lost
and the Rock-Hard matter drips
into dreary rain puddles
of such evident, fog-rising
illusion.
I lose myself
into a heavy room standing.
Lights burn sunburn, itchy red eyes
heart rate slowing, mind numbing itself
to late night peacefulness.
Serenity, serendipity
splendid excellence of marine movements...
Nothing is vincible
when i am a ghost, i fly through it all,
my lead-piercing gaze reveals the perking,
simmering, brimming dramas, so over-ripe
it hurts the eyes like an overripe sun
falling out of the sky
over weepy, mossy plains.
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141,707 Literary Works • 675,595 Reviews
Hmm, been a while since you posted as far as I can remember, I really liked this. Of course I have always liked your poems... no acception... My favourite line was:
when i am a ghost, i fly through it all,
my lead-piercing gaze reveals the perking,
I loved this. Wonderful imagery. I love imagery. My favorite line was this:
"liquid muscles burning black lava flame,"
Awesome. I could totally see everything. You paint wonderful pictures in the mind. Like a movie. Good job!
"my lead-piercing gaze reveals the perking,
simmering, brimming dramas, so over-ripe
it hurts the eyes like an overripe sun
falling out of the sky
over weepy, mossy plains."
That was the best part of the poem. Excellent. Overripe was used twice, but that's ok.
The beginning of the poem was good, but the middle did not catch me. A bit languid, a bit swimming. Feels like it was written in one breath, but that effect did not hit here. Though that is often where thegreatest poems come from, and you often use that technique, it's a bit flaccid here.