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I forgot all about replying to your post, Adna. -_- I apologize.

All your points are duly noted.

Length: Up in the air, to be honest. It could go on for many more sections; I can always plumb my mind for more ideas. BUT -- how long will it take for me to get bored? Always the question, innit?

Planned out? Well, sort of -- in my mind I have a general direction I want the story to take, and some oddities are simmering in the Idea Vat. Basically, like most things I write, I'm just making it up as I go along... but not, like, in a bad way.

Thank you for your review, as usual! ^_^ You're awesome.

Jay: Many thanks.

Prokaryote

The very beginning is absolutely hysterical. Because they act so dramatic, but it's so silly (:

"I hardly even know you and you want to whisk me off somewhere?" <--- This line strikes me as... unreal, kind of artificial. The substance of it makes sense, but the way he says it sounds contrived. I think he should sound a bit more confused, less suspicious. "But... I don't even know who you are! Who're you? Who's he? Where'm I supposed to go?" Something like that anyway. Something that sounds more blustering, less coherent. The rest of the time he's mostly just repeating what she said because he has no idea what she's talking about. Here he sounds more on top of things than he does the rest of the time.

"You're terribly confused." <--- show, don't tell.

"The clouds above are heavy and bloated. You know how they feel" <---I like how you do that. Relate how he's feeling to 'bloated' clouds. It's like he's imagining them that way because of how he's feeling. It's good!

"a tye-dye monument made of melted crayons." I like that too I was afraid you were going to use 'like' in front of it. 'Like' is way overused.

"'Sarcasm never helped anyone,' you grumble." Oh I did wish when I read this that she had made a retort

"This building's interior displays, as does the city, a conspicuous lack of colour." <--- I think instead I would say "like the city does" because the way you say it implies that you haven't yet said that the city is lacking in color, which you did, no?

"No, no, I insist. We would love to have you stay for a day or two. It will be splendid fun." Ooooh, premonition of danger. Wicked.

By the way, I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I love how you have this in second person, absolutely love it.
So, those are my thoughts. You've done it again, very good. How long are you anticipating its being? Do you have it all planned out, or are you just making it up as you go along? When it's completely finished I'll have to go back and read it all at once. Oooh, I'm so excited. Can't wait. Gimme more, gimme more!!

I liked the tone and the humour. In this piece, it says 'you do this, etc...', which is quite rare. I find it annoying, but that's down to personal taste. (I think using 'I' as the protagonist would be more convincing).

This is a unique and complex idea and I'm interested to see the direction the plot takes. I really like the title as well.