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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Huh. I'm not quite sure what to think of this. I tried entering Jabb's contest, but utterly failed. I couldn't do it, so bravo for entering.
I understood the first half.
I understood that. I hope. This guy committed a crime (inflicting someone's life that the MC loved?) and was killed for it. The MC hates the murderer. He explains how he was killed. That's pretty much self explanatory.
The next part was rather confusing. I didn't quite get it.
*tries to decode your hidden message* *fails* I understood the last line, but that's it.
That's why I'm not good with this 'deeper than it seems' stuff. Sorry. But it was a wonderful read. I think I'm growing too attached to your writing. Stop me now, before you have a fan.
-Jared
Nooooo, I hate you Adna. XP (I actually love you -- thanks for pointing that out.)
And thanks Penguin!
*fixes*
Prokaryote
You repeat "on."
"float on chill wind"
"Leaves rest on his grave" Should be very easy to fix.
Apart from that... you're an awesome writer:) Good luck!
Oooh, I like this.
You've a good stream of consciousness feel to this, and it works well with the theme - or central idea - that I can see. I'm sure you'll do great for Click's contest! I'm certain this will beat my entry now. xD I'm really enamoured with it.
Also! No words repeated as far as I can see. It certainly is a challenge. ^^
Much luck!
*Hearts* Le Penguin.