My poetry

I like it nice beginning and I loved how you made it more personal and summed it all up so well at the end. Great job

I looovee this poem!! (The forest) It's so sweet. =) Alright, now I'm going to critique it. But whatever I say, keep in mind that I LOVE it!




The Forest

I strolled up to the forest

and as I neared it,--grammatically, you SHOULD capitalize the first letter of each new line.... I'm not sure if it's grammatically correct not to.

I could almost hear a child's laughter

rustling around with the trees--you might want to give a hint on why you would hear a child's laughter. Maybe say, "...a child's laughter, from a summer day long ago." Or something.



the forest looked like it had eluded aging--i think your use of words hinders how great this line could be. I wold say try to make it a little less prose-ish, more poetic. (ex.- "the forest looked as if it had eluded aging...) instead of like. Actually, just little things like that throughout the whole poem would make it a whole lot better.

as if it had stood there--if you do add the "as if" in the above line, i don't think it would matter to have the repetition, but you do what you like with it.

swaying peacefully for all time

with no company but the wind--GREAT imagery!



I look up to see the sun setting

into a watery pinkish gold--I have to agree with Kris on this one, I love the "ish" part of pinkish. =) it really gives a good feel.

I yawn loudly--"loudly" doesn't really fit the setting you have created. Softly, or quietly would fit a little bit better.

and look for a place to sleep--again, agreeing with Kris, sleep is a little bit of a cliche way to end a beautiful poem. But if you must, you must. =)



I spy a growth of moss underneath a fluffy fir tree

I lay down on the makeshift bed--instead of "I" at the beginning, "and" would continue it a little better. Then on the next line, you could add, "as I" instead of and again.

and slowly drift into deep sleep--deep sleep?? try something a little more original.


alright, there you have it. keep writing poems! you rock at them.

bye for now,

_clue.

I really enjoyed this poem. It had a sweet metre that was almost like a nursery rhyme - very innocent and pleasant. I do wish that you'd added some punctuation in this poem, because otherwise it makes it hard to read smoothly. However, I have no idea whether this was an intended device, or not.

the forest looked like it had eluded aging

pinkish gold

and slowly drift into deep sleep