Published November 1, 2008
Black Tuesday
Terror strikes
duty calls
to save the lives
before the tower falls.
The clock is ticking
with no time to think
but only to react quickly
without a wink.
People panic,
people scream,
they fear their worst,
beyond any dream.
They run with fear,
and cry with shock.
They all go running
in one giant flock.
Over the bridges
through the streets
they ran in all directions
by the quickness of their feet
Their voices cried out
for help was heard
look here they come
all in a herd
The sirens rang loud
like one chilling scream
everyone knew...
what this would mean
They heard people's cries
many loud and clear
they have come to rescue us
without any fear
They are the heroes we know
they all ran inside
into a burning building
with no place to hide
It was the day of darkness
a day full of fear
for no one knew
what was near
The towers were to come crashing
in a blink of an eye
with thousands upon thousands
trapped inside
A nightmare, reality
shocking but true
for this was something
no one knew
Screams were heard
tears were shed
who knows where this
will head
The unthinkable has happened
the twins fell
and those who did this
will go to hell
Here we stand
we must unite
we all must come together
and work through the night
Those who are alive
are who we must find
we must begin our search
with no waste of time
Many mourn
many cry
for they did not know their loved one
would have to die
A tragedy, it takes
to open our eyes
it took a whole nation
by surprise
For NOW we must stand
and unite
for we should all by willing
to go and fight
They took our loved ones
and with no shame
but now its our turn
to play their GAME......
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okay guys, sorry about the horrible piece of work you saw before.. This is another of my poems, hopefully not as bad as the first.. Enjoy!
sorry, in that quote i think you meant , your instead of you
and i agree with the person abouve me, this isnt a poem its a diary entry and a story
[quote="EmmaSweetie100"]
You eyes sparkled
quote]
here, let me shorten this poem for you:
"i love you and you love me! whee!"
...i'm sorry, i cant even critique this properly because frankly i'm not sure how to. its barely a poem...more like a meanngless diary entry by a 10-year-old starstruck girl. theres no meter, no visual word choice, no fluency throughout the piece ,and the line breaks seem to have been done completely randomly.
i guess my advice would be use more imagery and metaphor to help connect the reader with the area of true love, mark specific instances, describe how your love looks and why he affects you so, etc. but if you want a honest opinion, scrap this entire poem. dont even try to work on it, just delete it and start creating something new and preferably content that readers can relate to and actually care about.