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The Man in the Cubicle

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The Man in the Cubicle

I can feel the warmth of the evening as summer breeze blew mildly into my skin. My sweat crawling out of my forehead, and my polo shirt is dampen with it as well as I enter our building lobby. I am in a night shift (just for today) because my colleague who is supposed to work tonight is on vacation. I hated night shifts. It is already eleven in the evening, and I should be sleeping right this very moment, but I don’t have much of a choice now, do I?

The lobby is well lighted, but there’s no one lurking around, except the security guard. I am not used to this kind of scenery, for usually I can see a lot of employees walking in and out of the building. I walk straight to the elevator area and press the down button; the elevator moves down from the 21st floor to the lobby in less than 10 seconds, and that’s new for it usually stops at different floor levels. Now, I can see the bright side of working in graveyard shift. I smiled as the elevator opens its door, welcoming me for my first ever night work.

I press button number 21, and up I go. My imagination is running on its own, thinking a lot of “what ifs”. What if a power interruption occurs, and the elevator suddenly stops? Would I see a child sitting at the corner of the elevator? Or would I see a bloody lady standing in front of me? I am not afraid, but I guess this usually happens to everyone when they are alone in the elevator. My wild imagination fails me as the elevator door opens in the 21st floor without any power interruptions or without seeing any dead people. I step out of the elevator and walk toward the door leading to our office.

As I arrive at my table, it is my normal routine to take my tumbler and fill it with water in the pantry. I am looking around to see if there are any other employees, but I found none. It isn’t creepy working here, for the hallway is well lit with the fluorescent lights from the ceiling, however, it feels queer to be working at the top floor of the building, alone. It’s just one evening anyway.

I walk straight to the men’s room which is located on the other side of our floor. As I open the door, I see myself welcoming myself as I enter the room, for wide mirrors above the sink are the first things you will see. The comfort room have 3 urinal bowls and 3 cubicles, but I never use urinal bowls, even if my purport is only to urinate because it always feels like someone is watching me whenever I relieve myself, so I always do it inside a cubicle. The first cubicle from the door is barricaded with a three feet tall trash can, so walk toward the second. I notice that there is someone sitting in the third’s toilet, for I see his feet facing outside. I feel a sudden relief when I found out that I am not alone.

I enter the cubicle in the middle, and then shut the door behind me. As I urinate, the man from the other third cube knocks on the divider separating us. I startle a bit and the flow of my urine pause for a second; it feels sore when you suddenly stop yourself from urinating (at least for men I think). I clench my jaw with annoyance to my unknown companion.

He says: “Hello there?”

His voice is deep but cautious.

I say: “Hello there too.”

I make it sound welcoming like I am making friends with him as I continue to relieve myself.

“I thought I will be working here alone all night for the first time in my life. I came in here fifteen minutes past nine,” he says in a manner where you can feel that he’s only here because he has no choice like I do. “Oh how I loathed graveyard shifts!”

“Worry not my friend, for you are not alone in this,” I say smiling while I close the fly of my pants. “Well, see you around pal.”

He says: “Sure, thanks for listening.”

I walk slowly back to my work area, caressing this once in a lifetime moment where there is no one looking at what you are doing.

After a couple of hours of programming, I can feel my stomach grumbling and telling me to take a break, so I decided to go down to the twenty-four-hour-open KFC and buy myself a bucket. I remember the man that I met earlier in the CR and I think that it will be nice if I ask him if he wanted something. I look from left to right in our wing, but I found no living soul, so I walk swiftly across the pantry toward the other wing, and still no signs of life. So I concluded that he already went down earlier.

It’s exactly two in the morning when I return to my workstation with a bucket containing 21 pieces of drumsticks. Oh how I enjoy the aroma of KFC’s chicken trademark recipe as its scent diffuse in my work area. After satisfying my sense of smell, I then started devouring the chicken, dipping it in warm gravy while I am programming.

It’s already half past four when I feel a sudden heavy sensation in my stomach. I stand up and run quickly to the men’s room to release some excess baggage from my body. I open the CR door and head myself directly to the third cubicle, but unfortunately, my new found friend is still sitting in there. How odd it is that he is still in there? Did he even get out since our first encounter?

I shrug off my nonsense mystery and hurried myself inside the middle cube. I cut myself a piece of tissue paper from the dispenser, and wipe some stains in the toilet seat, and then I hurriedly pulled down my pants, take my seat on the toilet, and relieve myself.

I am already cleaning myself up when the man beside me suddenly speak in a very deep-low voice.

“Hi, how are you?”

“I’m fine,” I say while making faces, “just removing some excess waste. Did you even get out of there?” I jest.

“Yes, but I think that I am having an LBM, so pardon me if I’m always in here,” he says in a very gloomy tone.

I feel a little guilty so I say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m just trying to lighten up the mood.”

There is no response from my unseen companion. I feel a little sorry for what I said, but I have to go back to work.

I say: “I’m going out now.”

I am about to open my cubicle door when I hear something loud like something fell inside my cube. I look down and it’s a cellphone. “Don’t worry, I got it.” I am about to pick it up when suddenly, long black fingers, like burned stems, with long and sharp nails creep out under the third cubicle. I quickly pull away my hand from the creature. My heart starts pounding hard in my chest. My body feels frozen for a little while but I still manage to move out of the cubicle.

I push my way out, but to my horror, the creature is already standing between me and the door. He’s so tall, probably at six feet, but as thin as a scarecrow, however, I don’t want to underestimate his strength by his physique, he could be as strong as a demon or something. He is wearing a black coat like an ordinary gentleman, but his face is totally terrifying. His eyes are egg-shaped, but they are all black and empty as if you are looking into nothingness. He doesn’t have a nose but there’s a pair of holes at the middle of his wrinkled face. And his drooling mouth is horrible, it’s like two feet wide, but it’s like five feet long when he drops his jaw open, and his teeth, oh my God, all his teeth are canine teeth.

He take a step. I take two steps back. He stretches both his long arms showing me his demonic claws.

“Come my child, gratify me with your flesh,” he says in a demonic voice, “I haven’t eaten for a while.”

“What are you?” I say with a trembling voice and sweat-dampen forehead.

“Why, I’m the son of the devil, and you will do anything as I say. Surrender yourself and it will be quick and easy, but if you resist, then I will have to tear you apart slowly, and you will be forced to watch as I eat every bit of you,” he says in a very powerful, intimidating voice.

He walks closer and closer to me. I have nowhere to go; I will soon be dead. My body trembles in fear. I can feel that my bladder could explode and wet my pants anytime soon, but my strong faith strengthen me and manage to talk to the son of the devil.

“If its fresh meat that you want, then I think I could help you with it, so I wanted to make a deal.”

He growls: “A smart man, wise indeed. What would your bargain be?”

“I know a pig farm. I could bring you there and that would be more gratifying than what my body can give you. What say you?” I make a very proud stand against this hideous creature.

“If this is a trick –”

“If this is a trick then feed on me, devour my flesh if you wish,” I say with strong conviction, “however, if it isn’t then you must make a vow that you would never show yourself to me ever, again.”

“Then you have a done deal with the devil,” he laughs eerily, but I manage to take a sigh of relief.

A thick billowing smoke suddenly appear from where he is standing, and suddenly I can’t see him anymore. Fear struck me again, but at an instant, the smoke vanishes and a very handsome young man steps forward.

“Shall we go now?” he says in a very calm voice.

I nod my head in approval.

I don’t know how this monster ended up in our building; he probably hid himself as an employee in a beautiful shell like this man with me now, but one thing’s for sure, the horrifying creature is gone (for a while), but I know that the wolf still lingers inside the sheep’s body and will break free when the time is right.

4

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
AJb
Review
AJb wrote a review · Mon Apr 20, 2015 10:42 pm

This was an intriguing story, and I liked it. There was good descriptive words, that added to it nicely. I do have some corrections, so bear with me.


My sweat crawling out of my forehead, and my polo shirt is dampen with it as well as I enter our building lobby.
Dampen should be changed to damp or is dampen changed to dampens. Also, it's not very clear at first the "with it as well." I would change the sentence to:
Sweat crawling out of my forehead, my polo shirt dampens as I enter our building lobby.

As I open the door, I see myself welcoming myself as I enter the room...
This has 'myself' twice in a row, so to make it more smooth, you could replace one of them or just change the sentence a bit. One example:
As I open the door, I see my welcoming self as I enter the room...
I just noticed that there is enter both in this sentence and the polo shirt one above. That could be replaced as well. Anyways, you could say welcoming self, or just take out the second myself so it reads:
As I open the door, I see myself welcoming as I enter the room...
These are for if you'd like to keep the sentence pretty much the same, but if you aren't too tied onto it, then there are more options.

Most of the numbers involved are like 10, 21, etc, but at the beginning there is 'eleven in the evening.' Now, eleven in the evening doesn't quite flow, but that's getting picky. I'm just saying that I would change 'eleven' to 11.

“Worry not my friend, for you are not alone in this."
It doesn't seem like this is how the character would talk, seeing how it's followed by, "See you around, pal." This could be just me, and it's not that big of a deal, but it caught my attention.

Maybe more clearly identify the 'heavy sensation' a bit more. Welcoming is also used one too many times. The same goes for sweat-dampen and alone.
"but my strong faith strengthen me"
This I'd change to strengthens me, rather than strengthen.

"so I wanted to make a deal"
I'd replace with want because not only does it go with the tense of the story, but it's still dialogue. That means, whatever way the tense of the story, it still needs to be different because it's word for word what was said. It's like what MaggieLyons77 said down below.

Anyways, it was good, and at least a couple of those things are small. It's all about flow, and a lot of the stuff I mentioned is just not being redundant with your words, continual present or past tense, and a little bit of sentence structure. Overall, it's interesting, and kept me interested. I agree with everything said below as well. Great job, and I will remember this one.

User avatar
kevin25a
Review

That was... awesome. I definitely didn't expect that to happen, a monster yeah, son of the devil no. I do think you put a bit too much detail into the man pissing though. It's leading up to an important detail yes, but that's not something you explain in large detail. You will probably push more people away than pull them into the story. I would strongly suggest removing most of it, but that's just me.
Other than that I did like the story.

I was wondering because you left off without explaining how things end up. I wondered if you were going to make a part two. Also why did you put a 4 at the end? I assume it's a typo. Also was wondering what an LBM is it sounds familiar but I'm not sure.

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MaggieLyons77 Comment

I loved all of the description and adjectives that you used in this story! The plot itself is good because it kept me interested throughout the entire story, wondering what was going to happen next. I like that you made the first person character very relatable; as silly as it may seem nighttime makes people nervous and things that seem impossible and frightening seem possible at night. The only negative thing I have to say about the story is that sometimes you write and it's in past tense, and other times you write verbs in present tense. It doesn't make it impossible to understand, but a little odd to read. Otherwise a really great story with good writing!

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PerfectWeapon
Review

OK, so this is a great sort! I love the idea, the characterization, and the description. To me these are the most important things to make a great story. This besides capitalization and punctuation.

I like how in the beginning of the story you are giving us a great description of what is happening. I like how you describe the feel of the wind and how it was a summer wind.

The next part of the story you describe the thoughts of terror of what he might find in the elevator when he is alone. I was only wondering, why would he be there alone? Does no one else work during the same time. Why does no one else work at this place at night?

The rest of the story is all great! I like it, but to me the ending felt rushed. Besides this, the story is amazing! Keep writing more stories.



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