It's so Amazin to have
that very special person by your side
Someone who loves and cares 4 u.
And iz always there for you
No matter how bad things get in ur life.
Nuthin else could come close or compare
to the feelinz that you both share.
Ever flowing emotions of trust and companionship.
To each other your devoted
so there's no abandonin ship.
Together life seems perfect
cause feelins are genuwine
there's no hurtin the past is gone
thats 4 certain
ur happy 2 find the 1
but is tired from searchin.
Since he's your prince
and she's your princess
support between each other is relentless
whether ur feelin down and helpless
Or joyfully celebrating in ur success.
Some couples live lavish and own private jets
Others struggle
and live Paycheck 2 Paycheck.
But either way it doesn't make a difference
cause bein with ur equal is the greatest experience.
Although at times life does get rough
Arguments Arise
and you feel like enough is enough.
At the end of the day you kiss and make up
cause 4 this relationship your entirely grateful.
Outsiders are Hateful
and say you two would neva last.
But they dun understand and jus can't relate
tuh what u 2 have.
Many 2day both Old and young
Crave and desire that special someone
so think twice
b4 u squander away
or RESIST
The Gift of True Love.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey Welcome to YWS! I would to let you know that to post a piece of work you have to review two other pieces of work. This ensures everyones piece is reviewed and critqued, please PM if you have any questions
I enjoyed this poem. It would flow and in general be much better with out the chat speak and proper puncuation.
Good effort
-Tiffany
I see the whole love thing, but without puncuation and the right spelling it just doesn't flow.
Look at this:
Someone who loves and cares for you,
And is always there for you.
No matter how bad things get in your life,
Nothing else could come close or compare,
to the feelings that you both share.
It just flows so much better when I know when you stop, or begin again. Not trying to be rude or anything, thats just how I feel.
I do, however, like the way it is written.
Thanks Jas i appreciate ur comment but i'm glad u notice that i wanted to show the reader how important love is because thats exactly what i wanted to convey. How valuable love is from all aspects...New, Old, and the ones who love hard. I have other poems implemented in them what u recommended for me to change with this one..but i appreciate ur comment thanks 4 being posting my 1st ever reply on a piece of mine on this writers society...
Hi. Welcome to YWS.
I like the use of alliteration in "Arguments Arise."
The first thing I'd do with this is click "edit" and then "check spelling". That will catch all the misspellings and typos and then show you a list of possible corrections and you click on the correct ones and then press submit.
I'd also avoid "chat speak" (u, 4, etc.)
I think that this would be more powerful if, rather than telling the reader how important love is, you showed them. I'd take your speaker and the object of their affection and use imagery and dialogue to show their closeness and how much love has enriched their lives.
Hope this helps.
Jas