Published March 16, 2008
Wondering where you are.
Wondering If your thinking of me.
Wondering if you love me.
Wondering if you love me and will die for me.
Wondering if you would walk back in my life to love me.
Wondering if you think of me.
Wondering why you left me.
Wondering if you ever wanted me as I am.
Wondering will you ever come back to hold me shower me with love and kisses and love me as I am for your daughter and allways 'till the end of time.... And don't ever,ever, EVER leave me.
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I think you have a pretty good steady thought going with this but maybe try to start a line with something other than wondering. I think it makes it too repetive. You can keep the title and use wondering for more than just one line but not for all of them. It might make the reader loose interest.
Besides that, I liked the ending line. It was my favorite of the whole poem. Overall, you had a good idea for it and I liked that.
First off, welcome to YWS! Just thought I'd let you know that we do have a few rules around here. Among the most important is that you review two pieces for every one you post.
As for the piece itself, it's not doing a whole lot for me. You need to dive a little deeper in. Find some interesting metaphors and images that convey the things you are wondering about. Show us the story.
Also, repetition detracts from the poem. "Love" is overused, and "Wondering" at the beginning of every line is just annoying. Use them once, possibly twice, but no more than that.
Keep writing!