Children of Earth
In the beginning, there was no Earth; there was only the Sky World. In the Sky World, there was the Goddess of the clouds - Gaia. Gaia always wanted children, but could never find a God to bare them with, so she decided to create them on her own. She traveled to the dark side of the Sky World and planted a seed. This seed rapidly grew into what is now Earth. She floated to Earth on her clouds, and then sent them to live at the top of Earth.
On the first day on Earth, Gaia noticed that there was no light, so she called to her friend from the Sky World, Arinna; Goddess of the sun. Arinna and her husband Sylvester arrived on Earth. From there, Arinna took magical dust from her pocket and threw it into the sky, thus there was a sun. Sylvester, a God of nature, looked onto the ground and saw there was nothing but dirt. So he took a container of special liquid out of his pocket and watered the area. In that area grew trees, a pond, grass and vegetables. This concluded the first day.
On the second day, Gaia noticed that there were no animals to hunt on Earth. So she called to her sister, Nyla; Goddess of the hunt. Nyla arrived on Earth and started to create animals out of the dirt. Nyla created lions, deer, bears, rabbits, coyotes, ducks, hawks, and turtles. Sylvester created habitats for these animals to live. Gaia and her friends could now hunt. As time for night began to arrive, Arinna was working to take down the sun for night, and suddenly felt uncontrollably ill. Sylvester placed his hand on her stomach, and learned that Arinna was pregnant. Arinna and Sylvester were elated, but Gaia felt down, because she knew that she would never bare children as Arinna did. As night fell, Gaia dreamt about her future Earth-born children. This concluded the second day.
On the third day, Nyla went back to the Sky World to be with her family. After Nyla left, Gaia and Sylvester went to harvest the vegetables while Arinna stayed at home. The whole walk to the field of vegetables, Gaia stared at Sylvester. He was extremely handsome and strong, and she wished that her future children would somehow receive his attributes. As they entered the field, Gaia said,
“Why don’t you take off your waist belt, Sylvester? Surely it may burden you as you bend down.” Thus, Sylvester took off his belt and handed it to Gaia to put in a secure place. As she walked away, she happened to see many of his fertilized seeds in a compartment on the belt. She quickly took two and hid them in the pocket of her dress. She placed the belt in a secure place and went back to the field to harvest the vegetables. This concluded the third day.
On the fourth day, Gaia felt that it was time to create her children. She secretly took out the two stolen seeds and held them in her palm. She pricked her finger and put a drop of her blood on each seed. Afterwards, she took the seeds to the field near the vegetables and planted them. She called to Arinna to bring the sun to the seeds. Arinna did so. Then she called for Sylvester to water the seeds. He did so. They waited and waited, but nothing happened. Soon, Arinna had to bring down the sun, and it became night. Gaia was upset because she wanted children now.
When Sylvester and Arinna were asleep, she snuck to Sylvester and found his belt beside him. She took three more fertilized seeds from the pouch, and the container of special liquid, and ran to an area where she could not be seen. She pricked her finger and put two drops of her blood into each seed. Then she swallowed them whole, and drank the whole container of liquid. She quickly put Sylvester’s things back in place and went to sleep. This concluded the fourth day.
On the fifth day, Gaia woke up extremely ill. She called to Sylvester and Arinna. Sylvester put his hand on her stomach and then quickly pulled away.
“What is it Sylvester?” Arinna said. Sylvester looked at her in fear and discomfort.
“She is pregnant with three children. They are of my seeds.” He said. Gaia smiled with glee, but her friends were not at all astounded.
“How is this possible? Sylvester you deceiver! You gave her your seeds!” Arinna shouted. She was beyond furious. She took the sun out of the sky and put it on top of his head, burning him to death. Then she took the sun and shoved it into Gaia’s stomach. But before she could completely do that, she felt extremely ill and ached painfully in her stomach. She was about to have her child. She panicked and threw the sun back into the sky. She fell to the ground and pleaded to Gaia for help.
Gaia sat down and told Arinna to push. Arinna did so and soon she gave birth to a girl. Gaia held the baby and starred at it for a long time. She felt angry that she could never have a baby the way Arinna did, and the daughter was just a horrible reminder. So she held the baby up by her neck and squeezed until her head popped off. Then, she called to her clouds at the top of Earth. They came down and smothered Arinna to death. The clouds turned dark grey and went back into the sky, dripping of Arinna’s clear blood. This is why it rains. This concluded the fifth day.
On the sixth day, Gaia awoke with a horrifying tearing feeling in her stomach. Her three children were growing very rapidly. She could not sit up, and was confined to her back. Her stomach started to tear open, and out came all three children. Yet they were not children, but fully adults. They were not human either, but Gods and Goddess.
The daughter, Bola, was the Goddess of fertility and life. The first son, Cedric, was the God of death. And the last son, Amos, was the God of betrayal. Gaia could not bear the pain of the unfortunate birth and died. Cedric touched Gaia’s forehead to purify her body and send her into eternal peace. Her body disappeared into the wind. This concluded the sixth day.
On the seventh day, the siblings took it upon themselves to take care of Earth. Bola created humans to protect and nurture Earth. But Amos also created humans to destruct Earth and cause war. Cedric created the Afterlife for those humans who did not destruct Earth, and the Underworld for those who did. After the siblings created these things on Earth, they went to live in the Sky World, but would watch over Earth to make sure everything was in place. This concluded the seventh day.
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,850 Reviews
Hello, steampowered here for a review! I think Rubric has picked up on most of the points I was going to mention, but I’ll try my best (I’m afraid this is probably going to end up being quite a short review…)
I thought this was a really interesting story; it definitely had the feel of a creation myth and I could see some of the different mythical influences in your writing. However, as Rubric said, it might be nice to have some indication of the powers these gods have, and maybe even a mention of the fictitious people that used this creation myth. That’s all the advice I can really give on the story in general.
A few very minor nitpicks:
A tag such as “he said” should be attached to the speech that came before it, as it is not a standalone sentence in itself and is reliant on the dialogue. Therefore you should say:
“She is pregnant with three children. They are of my seeds,” he said.
If you’re still a bit confused, this article should explain it in more detail.
The sentences here feel a bit short and kind of disjointed; I know this myth would probably have been spoken out loud rather than written down, but I think it would read better (and probably sound more like a storyteller would tell it) if you joined some of these sentences up. For example:
Other than that, I enjoyed reading it. I don’t know if this creation myth is a part of something bigger (such as world-building for a fantasy novel) or just a story in itself, but I thought it was really creative and interesting. Keep up the awesome writing!
Howdy, I'll begin with the general and then move to the specific.
General:
So this serves as something of a mish-mash between Graeco-Hellenic creation myths, involving flawed, obtuse deities hatching plots and seeking revenge, coupled with a more stratified creation myth more reminiscent of a monotheistic tradition. The 7 days thing, for instance, reflects the Hebrew numerology that holds 7 to be a complete or perfect number, marking creation as a perfectly executed exercise, whereas in your plot, the fact that things unfold in 7 days is really just a reflection on the way the plot chaotically unfolds, with various divine individuals making selfish and ill-informed decisions. The reader isn't given a good indication on the origin, powers, or character of the gods in general, and this is somewhat necessary, since there are a range of different traditions that you've clearly been influenced by.
Mistakes in spelling and grammar are fairly infrequent, but there were times when I felt like more specificity or clarity was provided. I didn't feel overly invested in any of the characters, and Gaia's arc seemed abrupt and tragic. The difference of her characterisation here from a wiser, living, panentheistic deity more traditionally associated with the name doesn't do the character any favours, in my opinion.
Specific:
“Goddess of the clouds”
To my mind these titles should be capitalised, like “Goddess of The Clouds”. Also, do clouds even exist before the earth’s creations. I guess in Sky-World, but if sky-world is essentially cloud-heaven, then is Gaia basically in charge?
This also makes me wonder about the divine portfolios. What does it mean to be Goddess of the Clouds. Does it mean control over that area of the universe? An affinity over them? Greek myths explain this kind of thing: Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon actually had to work out how to divide up the portfolios, and actually did it.
“to bare them”
bear*
“, thus there was a sun.”
This should either be following a semi-colon or period.
“God of nature”
Capitalisation, what is nature before the earth? Why do these portfolios exist before the earth does? Are there other worlds?
“special liquid”
Nah, give it a name. Creation myths are all about names and symbolism.
“in that area grew trees, a pond, grass and vegetables.”
So the liquid is like…super water. “Growing” a pond seems…odd.
“but Gaia felt down,”
I think this could use more colourful or evocative language. Gaia is a Goddess, she doesn’t feel “down”, she feels morose, mournful, saddened etc.
“Gaia was upset because she wanted children now.”
The word “now” seems almost petulant, and rather ungoddessly
“But before she could completely do that”
This reads oddly. You’ve described an action taking place and then it Not Actually taking place. This doesn’t build shock, it’s just confusing. The previous sentence should be modified to reflect the action isn’t completed, and this one should be modified to reflect that what stopped the completion was the birth.
“She was about to have her child.”
This seems both sudden, and oddly convenient.
“and starred at it”
stared
“and squeezed until her head popped off”
Written to seem almost comical in its violence. Classic polytheistic myth style.
“They came down and smothered Arinna to death. The clouds turned dark grey and went back into the sky, dripping of Arinna’s clear blood. This is why it rains. This concluded the fifth day.”
This seems pretty insane. Gaia’s had a pretty big shift in her character without great explanation. What is she feeling that drives her to this? The reader needs to be invested in the choices that are made, even if they disagree with them. Also, being smothered doesn’t result in a whole lot of blood, whereas a rainstom uses a whole lot of rain.
“But Amos also created humans to destruct Earth and cause war.”
Wait, are these different, destructive humans, or the destructive tendency within all humans? It’s an important distinction, and worth making to really explain what this myth is saying about the origins and purpose of humanity, a critical part of any creation myth. Finally, that should be “destroy” as should the one that comes later.
Hope this was helpful, keep writing!