Published May 16, 2012
It's falling. No. It's more likely trinkling down my arm, begging for the immediate connection with the rough, grey carpet. I lie in the corner helpless as i watch my sadness that is disguised as warm red liquid fleeing behind the lash across my wrist. I know this is wrong but it makes me come to my senses now that i actually have some now. I look at my bloody wrist and start to feel a flood of tears blocking my vision. I try to hold them back but they keep on falling. One by one. A thought suddenly runs to my head, ???Maybe i should do it again and it will make this new pain go away. Sure enough i fell for the trap i set for myself. I grabbed my new pale and press it to my wrist once again. I sit there and think for a little bit and listen to all the bad thoughts running through my head like a lightning strike in a storm cloud.
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140,623 Literary Works • 673,565 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Soo...this is in an interesting piece here, on the surface, it is a tiny bit hard to see what's going on, perhaps I'm just bad at interpreting these things. It looks like we've got someone watching their blood spill out perhaps, without the fact that it is blood being explicitly mentioned up front...it definitely makes you think this one.
There's a lovely sense of inevitability in this piece here, as if this character here is kind of unknowingly going towards a certain point without fully realizing it, and I get the feeling that once I look into things a little deeper, this is someone that's been deeply traumatized or stressed somehow and has resorting to cutting themselves to deal with that or something along those lines. That is the vibe that I'm getting from this so far.
Overall, its an intriguing piece, with a slightly confusing message at least to me, but at any rate, it does intrigue me enough that I think I would potentially read more of this story here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Howdy ☺
I’m going to review your work! ☺
I’m not really sure you can call this a chapter as it is really short. In addition; it’s one paragraph. Chapters tend to have more than one.. I’m think that you should expand this.
I think you mean trickling.
I needs to be capitalised.
I think this should be made one sentence. Put a comma after falling.
Why the question marks?
This doesn’t make sense.
This needs to be more emotional if you're tackling something so sensitive.
This chapter speaks about suicide, and the emotions that it contains, and the events, the reasonings, the rationalization, the victom's state of mental health and physical control.
This is a freakily well-written piece but try to structure it more. Split it into different paragraphs if possible...
It's falling. No. It's more likely trinkling down my arm, begging for the immediate connection with the rough, grey carpet.
I lie in the corner helpless as i watch my sadness that is disguised as warm red liquid fleeing behind the lash across my wrist. I know this is wrong but it makes me come to my senses now that i actually have some now.
I look at my bloody wrist and start to feel a flood of tears blocking my vision. I try to hold them back but they keep on falling. One by one. A thought suddenly runs to my head, ???Maybe i should do it again and it will make this new pain go away.
Sure enough i fell for the trap i set for myself. I grabbed my new pale and press it to my wrist once again. I sit there and think for a little bit and listen to all the bad thoughts running through my head like a lightning strike in a storm cloud.
And also, you should correct all your spelling errors and punctuation mistakes.
It's falling. No. It's more likely trinkling down my arm, begging for the immediate connection with the rough, grey carpet.
I lie in the corner helpless as I watch my sadness that is disguised as warm red liquid fleeing behind the lash across my wrist. I know this is wrong but it makes me come to my senses now that I actually have some now.
I look at my bloody wrist and start to feel a flood of tears blocking my vision. I try to hold them back but they keep on falling. One by one. A thought suddenly runs to my head, ???...Maybe I should do it again and it will make this new pain go away.
Sure enough I fell for the trap I set for myself. I grabbed my new pale and press it to my wrist once again. I sit there and think for a little bit and listen to all the bad thoughts running through my head like a lightning strike in a storm cloud.
I think this ought to be better. Although, those question marks still stick out like a sore thumb...
But, overall, I think it's a good,...scary...but REAL piece!