Published March 31, 2006
for long days i have thought about you
i believe you are the one
that i feel is true blue
your hair is like the midday sun
Pools of blue but almost Sapphire
and i can believe you are there
even tho my heart is on fire
i look at you with care
hoping you will some day
you will feel the same
as the i feel in this way
i see you as a flame
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139,487 Literary Works • 672,577 Reviews
1) you need punctuation
2) you need a rhythmic pattern that fits with the rhyming pattern
GOOD THINGS:
you know your poetry well, as you have a feel for it, and you also seem to have a fair-sized vocabulary. continue expanding that and it could heavily contribute to your poetry.
Good.
,'the I feel'??Isn't there an extra the before I.
But "as the i feel in this way"
Too much inconsistant rhyming, too many typos, too generic. Make it your own.