z

Young Writers Society



Triolet Collection

by PoetChan


The shining of the silver moon
fills the empty space of the night.
There is, inside my room
the shining of the silver moon.
Now, all the flowers that were in bloom
Sleep as the world becomes less bright.
The shining of the silver moon
fills the empty space of the night.

The wind gently stirs the air
and electricity crackles down my back.
See those thunderclouds over there?
The wind gently stirs the air...
The storm beings to put rain in my hair,
and thunder forces a sharp crack.
The wind gently stirs the air
and electricity crackles down my back.

There is, in her, so much spirit
that quietly waits to be freed.
Her voice--can't you hear it?
There is, in her, so much spirit.
The smile you love, she wears it,
and she'll help with whatever you need.
There is, in her, so much spirit
that quietly waits to be freed.

There is a loveliness in the earth,
one that reminds us of happiness.
Yet why do we give Her wide berth?
There is a loveliness in the earth.
The flowers that fill us all with mirth
and the creatures' playful shyness...
There is a loveliness in the earth,
one that reminds us of happiness.

There is a fire that thrives
just under your surface.
I can see it burning in your eyes.
There is a fire that thrives.
This fire has made you so wise
as to never blindly accept your place.
There is a fire that thrives
just under your surface.

The water that sustains us all
runs so purely from the sky.
It has begun to rhythmically fall,
the water that sustains us all.
In a garden or at the mall,
there is water everywhere one could put there eye.
The water that sustains us all
runs so purely from the sky.

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311 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 311

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Thu Sep 10, 2020 5:11 am
Riverlight wrote a review...



Hello there, @PoetChan! Though it is unlikely that you will ever see this, here's a review for your poem!

First Impression
I just really loved these poems! I'd never read any triolets before, and so I was really impressed by these!

What I Dislike
I dislike that the third poem was in this collection-- it seemed to be out of place because all of the others were focused on nature rather than people.

What I Like
Your rhythm and rhymes are automatically perfect-- it has to be with a triolet (I Googled them :P). I really think that this was just awesome, and I was blown away!

I also like how (ignoring that third poem) you stuck to nature themes in this collection. It really built up my excitement while reading these.

In Summary
I would recommend removing the third poem and adding it to another collection, but other than that, I love these!

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!




User avatar
20 Reviews

Points: 1883
Reviews: 20

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Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:08 pm
Katriona wrote a review...



Hello, PoetChan!
This is a lovely poem, though I may be slightly biased, because your first line brings to mind a story that is precious to my heart. The entire poem is filled phrases that paint clear pictures in my head. Reading it, I get the feeling that there's a story that goes with this poem, and that adds a whole new dimension to it. You were pretty good at keeping your rhythm consistent, though some of the lines were a little bit awkward nearing the end of the poem. I really like the way you repeated lines... I can't really describe why I liked it, just that I did.
I would suggest that you redo the last stanza. Unlike the rest of the poem, it feels rather like you were trying to hard to find a rhyme for "all," and "fall," and especially for "sky." You still have good imagery there, though. Also, the "there" in "there is water everywhere one could put there eye" should be "their." "There" means "that place," while "their" means "belonging to them."
And I just thought I'd mention, I really like these lines:
"The shining of the silver moon
fills the empty space of the night."





Every really new idea looks crazy at first.
— Alfred North Whitehead