Notes: So I was working on something else but turns out I ended up word-vomiting a "poem" instead. So this is officially my first piece of writing in...well you can probably do the math. Feedback much appreciated.
Having some issues with the formatting though. >_<
The Light and the Dark Nighttime is always the hardest.
There's a solitude in its tranquility,
not that it bothers me.
I've always loved the night. Even thrived in its calmness.
I never needed company. I learnt to explore myself.
To befriend the fragments of me that hide in the shadows when the sun is up.
They often feel more like me than the self that follows me around in the day.
It's not that I dislike the daytime me, just that it feels so restrained. So clinical.
Beneath the surface I know my feelings rage like unstoppable ocean currents,
currents that could sweep the world from under me in the blink of on eye
that would wash me away from all I know and all I've told myself to believe.
If I feel so deeply, then why do I feel nothing at all?
A barren rock in stormy seas.
Yet surely even a rock must feel something?
It must feel the waves crashing hard against its body.
It must feel as its skin slowly weathers away.
Even as the wind howls above it,
It must cry out to the land, and beg to be taken in.
It must long for something.
I am not a rock.
I am a sapling, sprouting through the undergrowth of a dense and ancient forest.
Sprawling and stretching for stray rays that drip through the dense canopy.
I never wanted the darkness.
I've always been reaching out for the light that lay just beyond my grasp.
Maybe that's why the night feels so sinister now.
Knowing the light is dancing in my palm, yet unable to grasp it.
I often think of you at night;
with a great sense of sorrow.
I want nothing more than to bathe in your light,
but will you feel the same of the sapling as you do of the rock?
And yet I know that with enough love, tiny saplings grow into mighty oaks.
If you shine in the dark, I'll shelter you from the storm.
The nighttime is only hardest when you don't share it with me.
"If I feel so deeply, then why do I feel nothing at all" - I probably reread that line at least five times. This poem, what you wrote is absolutely incredible. I don't think I have resonated with something so fast, after only reading so little of it.
The only comments I have would be to maybe edit the bottom half of it a slight bit? In the beginning I can fully feel your intent, however it starts to come off as a bit of ramble towards the end. After the "I am a sapling" line it feels as if you lose a bit of focus.
Also, maybe editing the "If you shine in the dark, I'll shelter you from the storm" and the very last line with "when you don't share it with me". I wasn't sure of your meaning here? Just because throughout the entire poem is seemed as if you were talking of a more personal voice, or your thoughts, and then switching to where you were talking to someone - it just threw me off a bit.
Overall, even without my suggestions, this is an incredible piece of work and reflects incredibly well on you as a writer. This has to be one of my favorite pieces I've seen in a while.
Thank you! I'm glad it resonated. I was mostly trying to find ways to express and understand some feeling so I wasn't sure if would flow well or even work as a poem... So it's incredibly flattering to hear this. It's probably also why it was a little chaotic/disjointed in parts. Hopefully I can keep myself writing and work on that part
Hello! I think this is a pretty solid poem and I really enjoyed reading it. I admire the imagery in each line, especially the lines "I am a sapling, sprouting through the undergrowth of a dense and ancient forest./Sprawling and stretching for stray rays that drip through the dense canopy."
One thing I will say is that I think the lines a a little bit long but I believe that's just the format that you used.
Overall it's a very beautiful poem!
Hiii! Just gonna say that the last part really got to me I also love how you the metaphors as the last person said another thing to I adore your use of vocabulary really helps me to envision the poem itself.Also I love the title!! It goes with the whole poem and is pretty much the cherry on top!! Keep it up
- Jay
Thanks for the kind words. I surprised myself with it! <3
Hey there! I just really want to say how great your use of metaphors is. The way you write the contrast of darkness and light is very heartfelt. This is symbolic of solitude and self-discovery. I'd say I felt and experienced these words of yours. As someone who once found peace and comfort in the night and darkness, I wholeheartedly agree that it's a time for self-reflection and freedom. Being too afraid to be seen in the light, too afraid to expose the oceans of feelings within me. I do get a sense of numbness but also realize that you also yearn for the light. Perhaps because someone showed what it's like to have some light in your life (I wish someone did to me lmao). Love appeared and prompted transformation, offering the possibility of growth and shelter from the emotional storms.
I hope I captured your true meaning with how I resonated with this poem.
Thank you, I'm glad it resonated!