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18+ Language Violence Mature Content

Why.

by PlainandSimple


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

He texted her.

She texted him.

Months and months.

She fell in love.

He fell in love.

She was scared.

He was scared.

He asked her.

She said no.

His heart was broken.

She texted him.

He responded.

She became comfortable.

He loved, again.

She asked the question.

He said yes.

They were happy.

They spent each night together.

They fell deeper and deeper in love.

They made love.

They planned their future.

She got in trouble.

He talked to others.

She was sad.

He didn't care.

She loved him.

He didn't anymore.

She attempted suicide.

He felt bad.

She was naive.

He told her that he loved her.

She believed.

She went to his house.

She just wanted to talk.

He had other plans.

He fucked her.

She left in tears.

She hated him.

He thought it was okay.

He didn't see the truth.

She attempted suicide again.

He didn't care.

He lived on.

She was stuck in the past.

She couldn't get that night out of her head.

She has lived through it over 100 times.

She is slowly dying.

She is not herself anymore.

She can't tell anyone.

She is stuck in a hole.

He is living his best life.

She hates him.

She texted him.


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559 Reviews


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Sun May 31, 2020 10:08 pm
Tenyo wrote a review...



Hey Plainandsimple!

This is an interesting choice of format. It definitely looks and reads like a poem. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it might work better that way.

I really liked the earlier lines. The simplicity of it is wonderful. It leaves a lot to be interpreted, and the lack of detail strips the story down to the bare minimum.

It fades a bit as the story goes on though. The language becomes more emotive which takes away from the simplicity of it. I also can't help feel like her reaction was rather extreme, to attempt suicide because he didn't love her. It reminds me of an old romantic tragedy, but the beginning didn't really set it up that way.

I struggled with the portrayal of the main character. If his intention had been to leave her, he could have stayed gone. He feels bad for not reciprocating her feelings, which implies that he's a sensitive person if he's feeling guilt for something he has no responsibility over, and then suddenly becomes some kind of manipulator.

Although I found the later parts more difficult to connect with, I think the formatting and the style of this is great. It's an interesting idea and I love the back and forth interactions between the two in the beginning.

Good job!




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Mon May 25, 2020 5:30 am
yellow wrote a review...



hello, it's yellow!

this poem really caught my eye and i figured i would give it a review. first and foremost, i do think your topic is socially relevant. themes of love and themes of suicide are both topics that are always wrote about, so they're always staying in the loop of literature. i really like the progression you have going throughout the poem, as it tells a very easy to understand story. great job with this! i also think you did a great job with tying the beginning to the end. i do have a few pointers, though, that could definitely add to the work.

the language itself is very simple and banal. as you continue to read, it just begins to become more monotonous. yes, it's easy to understand, but you can really change up the language and add onto it. the poem as a whole is so emotive, so what do those emotions feel like? what does the girl feel like? what does the boy feel like? you can elaborate much further on "sadness," "happiness," and "love." show us rather than tell us what these emotions are. show us what sadness, happiness, and love feels like. you will have readers that may have never felt these emotions before, so put yourself in the place of the reader to dig deep and ask yourself these questions! trust me, it's a challenge to do, but once you get there, the blood, sweat, and tears will all be worth it!

the poem as a whole is almost a little choppy. while single lines are great, you have very simple sentences that tell the reader what the two characters are doing and how they are feeling. like i said, elaborate even further, but single lines don't have to be single sentences. go ahead and spill out a whole idea into two or three lines! it keeps the flow of the poem going!

now, i did want to address the expletive word that you did use. while it is totally up to the writer, my metric is that if it can be described in a simpler way that is more reader friendly, then go that route. you can explore an idea and bring up something like that in a much more different way that doesn't seem extremely crude. i would not have used that word exactly, but like i said, it's totally up to the writer.

once again, i think that you have a great start! although, like with anything, there is always room for improvement. i'm looking forward to reading more poetry from you!

-yellow






Hi! Thanks for the review.

I would first off like to say, I really love the nice words. Thank you.

Second off, this is not meant to be a poem. Although it may seem that way, it's not. I also wanted it to be choppy. I like the fact that you must make up your own thoughts and feelings regarding what I have said. I wanted to make it so simple so anyone could relate to it somehow. I also lack the ability to add good detail, unless of course, it's a true story. Which that's why I mostly write true stories on here rather than things like this. I could definitely get better in the future with detail on fake stories, which I will when the time comes.

My reasoning behind using an explicit word is to show just how shocking and awful that is. While writing it, I did try other words and things but it didn't give the drama I was looking for. You see, when I say "making love", it means two parties agreed and wanted it to happen. When I use the word I did it gives it a TOTALLY different meaning. It really shows the wrong in what happened.

Anyways, thanks for the review.



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Mon May 25, 2020 1:07 am
YoursTruly wrote a review...



I love this. I love the switch from how they felt about each other. Love is a such a complicated issue, especially since humans are complicated themselves. I almost don't know how to explain how I feel about this poem and why the theme of it is so good. The way you execute it though can be a bit confusing though. Like, if he didn't care, why did he feel bad? Another thing just to clear things up with the reader, why did she get in trouble? It was never addressed, and it went straight into what he did. Also, did they break up after that happened? I would think so, but it should still be cleared up. The ending I would suggest editing it a little bit, because it makes you wonder what happened to her? Unless you intended that to happen. If you didn't then I would suggest putting something there. Maybe about her deciding to attempt suicide again or even getting revenge, if you want a darker path. If you want a lighter path, then don't do what I just said lol. But theme wise, amazing.






Thannkk you!

I understand it was confusing since I didn't go into literally any detail at all. But that was kind of my point. Since I am not great with detail unless it's a true story. However, I wrote it this way with literally no detail so that the reader would have to think. I don't want to mold someone's mind into thinking one way about a situation. I want it to be open.

And he doesn't care about little things, like that. But when you believe someone is attempting suicide because of your actions you feel grief and sadness. So he didn't want her to die because of him, and have everyone blame him. So he tries to make it better.

Sorry if what I'm saying doesn't make much sense lol, I'm a little tired.

Thanks for the review tho.



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Sun May 24, 2020 12:11 pm
sulagna says...



Hi Plainandsimple,
Let me first tell you that the theme of your poem is wonderful.
At first it was good but then you dropped {I think so} because then I just got a little confused
about what was going.
At first you mentioned:


He texted her.

She texted him.

Months and months.

She fell in love.

He fell in love.

Here it was alright but then you said that she tried suicide...but why??
You are not clear...[According to me]
And yes when you are writing I would suggest not to use slang.
That really makes the whole poem a little down.

You know,writing a poem is really hard ...but you really did it well.

Ummm , I know You might feel bad that I only picked out negative points...So for that I am really sorry ..

Keep writing,
From Sulagna






Thannkkks for the constructive criticism, that is actually what I'm looking for. But the reason for the attempt of suicide is unclear on purpose. What I want the reader to assume is because of the break-up, but if someone has a deeper thought process, they would understand it was because she got in trouble.

Also I wouldn't say this is a poem, more just short sentences.

Alssoooo I used slang to give a different meaning. When I say "they made love" it was a two-party action that was wanted by both parties. When I use "f*ck" it's more of a way to show that it was rape, and not wanted by one of the parties.

I hope that makes sense.

Thanks for the review!



sulagna says...


Oh then really sorry




There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
— Arthur C. Clarke