The Sun's Love

by Pixie13

Published April 25, 2013

In Fun Poems

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The sun and the moon look over the land
And once the sun said with a rose in his hand
Dear moon I love you as much as one can
As much as the flowers love their land
 
The moon then turned with a glance and a smile
She said as much as a mother a child?
As an ant would you tread to me over a mile
As fatigue wears your loving smile?
 
And the sun replied
My glowing orb, my moon so bright
I love you more than the stars love the night
I could not bear it if you hid from my sight
There is no love as ours so bright
 
Now as the sun said this, a blush filled the air
And the moon stroked the sun’s fiery hair
And the great sun must have stumbled, when he said this, so fair
Because I love you beyond compare
Comments & reviews · 6
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littleauthor
Review
littleauthor wrote a review Review · Apr 28, 2013

Hey little author here,

This poem is completely and utterly beautiful. It made me feel happy for this couple and how much they really care about each other. It was beautiful and perfect in every single way, and that's how it needs to be.

Keep writing 8)

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Paracosm
Review
Paracosm wrote a review Review · Apr 28, 2013

Hey Pixie! I'm going to do an uber-quick review, because I have to be out in a minute.

Stanza One- Nice, interesting start. A sun and moon love story is always interesting to me.

Stanza Two- This stanza was very well written and introduces good conflict.

Stanza Three-How sweet! The last line read like Yoda-speak to me, which always feels forced for some reason. You may want to try rewording it for maximum effect.

Stanza Four- In the third line, he said something 'fairly'. I'm not entirely sure if that's the right adverb for you to use here, you may want to find something more appropriate.

Okay! I have to head out now, but there's my review. I included what I thought were the most helpful and relevant thoughts. Good luck, and keep writing!

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planve
Review
planve wrote a review Review · Apr 28, 2013

ok...ok...ok, now this is what am talking about, this is what i LOVE to read. It rhymes, is harmonious and to make it all better, it coordinates perfectly.
"As fatigue wears your loving smile?"...now that is my favorite part. To tell you the truth, i could read and read this for minutes or write on and on about how perfect it is, but am gonna shorten it here...LOVE IT.

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helenaebierly Comment
helenaebierly commented Comment · Apr 25, 2013

This poem was absolutely lovely! It all flowed so well, and the imagery was fabulous! The rhyming scheme was great and it was all together put very nicely. I hope to read more from you, considering I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Best Wishes!

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Infinitron
Comment
Infinitron commented Comment · Apr 25, 2013

I really love this poem. I myself write poems on nature and this one really thrilled me. The use of rhymes is awesome and there is a very good melodious touch to the poem. I would love to read more of such poems from you!

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adistopper Comment
adistopper commented Comment · Apr 25, 2013

I love your use of rhyme to generate musicallity. The style is simple, brief and lovely.It clearly brings out the love story and one almost wishes they could be either of the characters. I hope you write more because I am definetly hooked.



If you don't know it's impossible it's easier to do. And because nobody's done it before, they haven't made up rules to stop anyone doing that again, yet.
— Neil Gaiman