The lights were dim in the thin hallway. Matthew's breath smelled of pina colada as he nibbled on Dan's neck, making him hum. Both were a bit tipsy, Matthew on alcohol, Dan on the buzz and excitement of the party.
Light bruises littered Dan's neck.
"Ow, dude, that one hurt." He chuckled after Matthew bit roughly into his neck.
"Mmm, sorry." he mumbled in reply.
Dan backed away a little bit, letting their foreheads and noses meet.
"I love you." he said.
"Mhm." Matthew stumbled where he stood.
"Alright, party animal, time to get you home." Dan smiled, kissed his boyfriend's nose, and lead him towards their car, Matt insisting that he was sober enough to drive, Dan laughing right in his face.
"You wish." He said, as he buckled his seatbelt and began to drive home.
. . .
What have I done? What have I done? Matthew repeated in his head over and over when he saw the red punctures on the side of his boyfriend's neck.
I couldn't have bit him...could I've? He started to think of possible excuses. I didn't drink any blood, so maybe he isn't actually turned? No, Matthew, that's not how it works and you know it. Maybe he'll like being a vampire? I mean, eternal life, heightened senses, clear skin...
Maybe he's special.
Maybe he isn't going to turn.
Maybe- his thoughts were interrupted when Dan rolled over, facing him.
"Morning, beautiful." he smiled, morning breath hitting Matt hard.
"Morning handsome." he replied, extra breathy.
"Kiss?" insisted Dan, puckering his lips and squeezing his eyes shut, causing the top of his nose to crinkle up the way Mat loved but would never admit.
"When your breath doesn't cause flower petals to wilt, maybe." he joked. Dan took this as a challenge and awkwardly toppled himself on top of his boyfriend repeating "Kiiiiiiiss meeeee." while pecking little kisses all over his face.
"Get off!" Matt chuckled.
"Not until you kiss me!" He didn't stop the puckering. The two soon began to go into a giggling fit consisting of morning breath and tickling fits.
When everything calmed down, Dan took his place laying on his boyfriend's chest, his head placed on Matt's shoulder, Matt's hand slowly going up and down Dan's bare back. After the beautiful moment of tranquility, the two decided to get up and to get on with their morning routines.
Dan hummed, "I'll make breakfast today, love." kissing his partner's noise. He made his way to the kitchen, leaving Matt to his thoughts.
How long until he notices? What'll he do when he does? Should I tell him? Oh, yeah so I've been with you for about two years now but everything I've ever told you was a lie. Oops? OH, and I'm a vampire, can't forget about that part. You know, the whole 'I'm here to suck your blood' thing. Pretty sure I put that in my dating profile.
He clenched his jaw and took a deep breath, shaking his head and putting those thoughts aside.
"Matty!" he heard Dan call him frantically. Walking quickly, he was found in the livingroom, standing in front of a mirror.
"What's wrong?" Matt asked, knowing perfectly well what was wrong.
"Can mirrors...stop working?" he asked, pointing to his lack of reflection.
Matthew was extremely cautious when it came to being around mirrors when others were near; Dan wasn't. He never had any reason to. Not until now. Now how do I play this off?
"What are you talking about?"
"Dude, LOOK," Dan exclaimed, pointing to the mirror distraughtly. "I'm not there! How am I not there? It's a mirror."
"I see you just fine, Danny. You sure you didn't drink anything funky last night?" Before he could reply, Matt continued. "Oh, is that eggs and bacon I smell? Coffee too? You shouldn't have." He walked away, heading for the kitchen to serve himself.
It went on like this for a week or two. Dan complained to Matt, whether it be because he 'went to church today, and the holy water burned my hand the minute I touched it.' (to which Matt replied, 'Some churches boil it before mass, something to do with burning sins away.') or because he 'went out to lunch after work, and the minute I bit into the garlic bread, I had this really bad reaction.'
"Turns out I'm allergic like you." He was so naïve it hurt.
"Yeah, small world." Matthew tried to play off his guilt.
He has to know...
"Listen, Danny," he began, but was interrupted by a gasp.
"Do you think the landlord allows bats? Like as pets? 'Cause I've been thinking, they're just the cutest little thi-"
"Danny, you're a vampire."
"Like, their little noses are so- wait what?" And so Matthew explained, and with every word he spoke, the more and more Dan distanced himself. By the time he was finished, Dan had hot tears running down his face.
"How...how could you do this to me? You-you never told me? You never thought that it would be something to mention? Do you know what this means?" His voice rose. "I can't go to see my family anymore. How do I explain this? How could I ever possibly explain this?" He paused and lifted his eyes so they met Matt's. "How could you? How COULD YOU?" Matthew tried to speak but Dan interjected.
"GET OUT! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" he screamed. "GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" he caught his breath. "Get out. Just-just leave."
And he did. Matthew very calmly nodded, collected his things and one last time said "I'm so sorry." before he walked out.
As he left, he looked back a couple of times in hopes of seeing Dan run after him, begging for him to come back.
It never happened, of course. Why would anyone in their right mind want to get back together with someone like him? Someone who's done monstrosities as he?
Matthew never saw him again, never knew what became of him, but he moved on. It may have taken months, years, decades even, (hard is time for immortals), but he did it. He moved on, found others, went through multiple lovers, the like.
But he never forgot the bitten boy.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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The opening of the story is not as gripping as it could have been, showing a rather mundane and harmless flashback for a rather heavy story. It would have made more sense to start of with Matt's panic and then snippets of the previous night's events, especially since the story is told in Matt's point of view and, being slightly drunk, he wouldn't have remembered it as clearly.
The writing is rather fast-paced, passively using direct speech after actively using it, which makes it rather weird and the emotions aren't drawn out of the writing as much as it could have been.
Personally, I like the story, since the characters aren't stereotypically gay, which is a reccurring annoyance in modern works.
Hi, here to review!
In the beginning, it's clear through the dialogue that they are at a party, but then it goes right to driving home. You could maybe set the scene a bit more with one or two sentences, for example with "They straightened up from where they had been snuggling in the kitchen to head outside to their car."
<could I've?> --> could I?
<The two soon began to go into a giggling fit consisting of morning breath and tickling fits. > --> The two soon started a giggling fit... ("began to go" seems a bit awkward to me)
< And so Matthew explained, and with every word he spoke, the more and more Dan distanced himself.> --> I think the 'the more and more' are quite necessary here and I feel like it flows nicely if it's just <and with every word he spoke Dan became more distant.> Just an opinion, though.
<(hard is time for immortals)> uh, I think you might have switched the words here?
Alright, now that the nitpicking is done, here is what I thought:
I really liked this short story!! I think I read a tumblr post on this kind of topic before? Anyways, you managed to make it cute and light-hearded in the beginning.
A bit of nitpicking: I think you might have done the ending a bit smoother, the last sentence feels a bit forced and overly dramatic. The word boy doesn't fit with how you describe Dan before, living with his boyfriend in their apartment, working a job, being an adult, at least it seems like that.
Other than that I think you did a nice story, I liked the arc and the little bits describing their relationship.
Keep writing!