Young Writers Society

So! This sounds like it was probably just a rant and so maybe you were okay with not receiving reviews on it, right? But it's been lost so long that I felt it would be nice to give you something to work with. It might help you with any future writing, even if this is not something you want to work to edit.

So right away I want to point out the strongest moment:

I would usually find myself searching for something to read on a Saturday and falling asleep around nine.

This is strong because it gives an image and an emotion without saying, "I looked for something boring to do and I went to bed early, which made me feel lame because everyone else was probably staying up late on a weekend". You know? There's a difference between communicating and explaining. Here, you communicate what you're feeling without explaining it exactly the way you do with most of the rest of the text here.

I also think there's a lack of organization. This seems like you wrote it as you were thinking through it for the first time. Which is fine for getting all your thoughts out, but once you've done that you should look at your material and organize it. You say "I was never popular", and stick to that for a while, but suddenly you're comparing yourselves to your friends rather than the other people that might judge you, which leaks into being jealous of you best friend, and finally you say you have problems because you can't accept YOURSELF, not because other people don't invite you places.

I think this is a very legitimate topic. You may not know it, but adults still struggle with this. We know that if you just stop caring about what other people think, you can be happy with your flaws and virtues, but that's the hard part: detaching your emotions from the society around you, I guess.

In future rewrites of this (or future pieces in general), I'd like to see more imagery. More of that communication without explanation.

PM me if you have any questions.

Good luck and keep writing!