Panic grips me
As the hot fingers reach
for my skin.
There is no escape from it,
no true hiding-place.
The pavement, the trees, the air,
the carved rocks that
fabricate cold,
will all melt.
My faith will drown.
I will be alone.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey PinkPanther!
This is an interesting concept, I like how you use the heat as the enemy here, almost thought the "hot fingers" alluded to some sort of abuser, but I like the ambiguity there, because it could just mean the rays of the sun as well!
The only thing I'd say is not working for you is the "that" in that line xD What is it "that" referring to? The thing that there is no escape from? Or the "it" in the sentence? Plus, in a short poem like this -- any deadweight word is going to stand out big time, and I think that's the case with this.
I love the melting of the world imagery that you have as well, it's very profound and has a lot of impact. The progression and pacing in the poem was handled very well, as well!
Great job Panther, I look forward to reading more poetry from you!
~ as always, Audy
Hello there here is a me with a review for you I hope it helps you out some.
OK this is not really sounding like a "POEM" it sounds more like a...a little description of something.
And it also needs to be bigger too not much but there are a lot of little poems this size so I suppose it is the right size for a good poem.
Good work this was great I think your spelling and grammar and such was really really good.
I can't think of anything else to say so...
Until later "Good bye and may god be with you."
Keep writing and good luck.
I really hope it helped.
Forgive me if I rambled, sorry if I did.
~Jon~
Hi there!
This is a nice little piece you got here, but I do seriously believe it does need some touching up, in which case it could be much more powerful and coherent. You said you wrote this poem in a rush, and it shows. While poem is all about intepretation, it's difficult for me to interpet what you're saying here because it's like two idea put in one poem (running from something, losing faith) and it doesn't add up?
This actually is a nice poem, but I feel you should work on it more in order for it to be a great poem, you know? Email me if you want me to eloborate!