Save Yourself

The train zipped through the city, the buildings blurring into a silver and black wall outside the windows. Outside, it was snowing, but only barely. Inside the train, the car was sparsely filled, people randomly seated in the cold leather red seats. Everyone had bags around them, as if each of them were leaving something behind and heading to a new life. She knew it wasn’t likely, but the thought that everyone else on the train was in the same situation as her was comforting in the cold air. She dug her nose into her scarf further, but it only moved down with her, not accomplishing anything. All she had with her was her clothes and her little yellow backpack. In truth, she didn’t know which stop she would get off at- she hadn’t planned that far ahead. All she knew was that at some point she would walk off the train and start a new life.

The lights in the train flickered for a fraction of a second. Normally, she wouldn’t notice something as small as that, but something seemed minutely different when the lights came back on. A man in the seat behind her sneezed, making her jump. She looked around the train, rotating her neck so that her face didn’t have to leave the warm scarf. Everything seemed muted, more than usual.

The train began to slow, indicating the next stop. She glanced at the sign on the ceiling of the train that displayed the name of the next station. Nowhere Station. Her eyes narrowed. She knew for a fact Nowhere was not a name of any stop on this train. She stared at it. It most certainly said Nowhere Station.

Save Yourself.

The lights flickered again, except the sign didn’t flicker on and off. It read “Save Yourself” for half a second before returning to Nowhere Station. She looked around again. Nobody seemed bothered by the flickering lights nor seemed to notice the ominous message on the sign. She felt like she was going insane.

She glanced behind her at the sneezing man. He lazily moved his gaze from some point in space to her face.

“Can I help you?” he questioned in a monotone voice, his eyes focusing in and out on her.

She considered asking about the sign, or the lights, but thought better of it.

“No, I’m just looking around. Sorry.” Without replying he inched his gaze out the window, and the conversation was over.

Her hand was shaking now, a bad habit she’d been trying to get rid of for years. The train slowed even more; it was almost at the station.

Save Yourself.

The lights and sign flickered again. Something very abnormal was happening, she could conclude. Or maybe she finally went off the edge. Refusing to believe her mind was fabricating this whole situation around her, she tried to think about what was really happening.

A sign seemed to be sending her a message. Telling her to save herself.

Does that mean she should go back? Maybe it’s not too late; maybe she could wait until the train loops back around to her old life and get off before anyone noticed her absence.

Save Yourself.

This time it didn’t go back, instead lingering on this message. The train pulled into what looked like a normal station, slowing to a stop. Nobody moved.

Save Yourself.

Does it, whatever it is, want her to get off here, at this station that shouldn’t exist? The moment she thought it, it all seemed to make a lot of sense. The way to save herself is to get off at Nowhere Station.

She stood up. The lights flickered again, but the sign remained the same. Nobody looked up as she walked to the end of the car.

The doorman gave her a smile. “Have a good day now, and be safe in the snow.”

“I will, thank you.” She answered. Then she stepped off the train, onto the sidewalk.

It was nearly dark by now, the trees black silhouettes against the violet sky. She began walking, her yellow backpack hitting her back softly with each step. The ground was dusted white, though quickly harvesting more of the falling snow. She walked by a bench that sat an old woman in a large blue coat. Her eyes glinted as she walked by.

“Did you do it?” She heard a warm, even voice call out. She stopped and turned to face the old woman, who was now looking directly at her. “Did you?”

“Did I do what?” Confusion spread across her features as the old woman smiled.

“Save yourself. Did you save yourself?” The old woman took out a small black notebook. “Can you tell?”

She looked around. She had no idea where she was, who she was talking to, who she herself was. But that was what she wanted, wasn’t it? To reinvent herself? To become a blank slate, ready to be filled with a different life? “Yes, I believe so. I don’t know who I was or who I will be, but I think that’s what I wanted.”

The old woman smiled. “Who you will be… can you tell who you will be? I can, and I think you’ll be just fine.”

She thought about what the woman said. For some reason, it seemed enough. “Thank you.” The old woman smiled, but said no more.

She began to walk away, but stopped again and turned toward the woman. “What is my name?”

The old woman opened her notebook and tore out a page, then reached out with the paper in her hand. She walked to the old woman and took the thin piece of paper. It was folded in half, the top of it saying in loopy handwriting “Walk forty paces and then open, facing north.”

She walked forty paces away, not looking back at the woman. Then she turned north, facing the tracks. She opened the paper and read what was written. She smiled.