phillip Friedlander: Buddhism
2/19/16
World studies
The monk in the market
“Miao!go to the market and get some more duck”As the young Fang Miao rose from his straw bed he could already hear the merchant arguing with him over the price of the dead avian.”Morning honorable mother” said Miao as he received the money for the duck.10 cashes! a duck was normally 7 cashes he would have enough to get himself a couple of dumplings,He excitedly ran out to the ragged dirt street he ran over to the chicken coop and fed the chickens and made his way to the market. But why would he buy duck?
When he got to the market he saw that the duck seller was in a good mood,and when he was-which was very rare-he would sell the duck for 5 cashes. Could this day be any better?He ran up to the rotten wood stand and paid the 5 cashes and took the long animal through its webbed feet. As he walked towards the dumpling man he saw that there was a man as old as a willow tree in a long orange robe sitting on the ground with a wooden bowl in his hand,Miao recognized such a man it was a monk miao knew that the bowl was for alms so he decided to give him the 2 extra cashes that he had spared and started walking away when the man spoke. “Young lad,”he said startling Miao who looked back at the man's long orange back “I do not want your money” Miao was confused
“but that bowl is for gifts is it not?”the monk calmly answered to the young boy
“yes,but I have no value for money instead I look for food”Miao was confused why would he want food instead of cashes even though he could get more stuff with money?
“ok?” he said as the monk slowly placed the coins on his young hand with his raggedy coarse hand.Miao still wanted to help the man so he decided to get the man some zongzi when Miao came back he noticed that he had not moved for the whole time that he was gone but gave little attention to it for he was to excited to eat his dumplings. As miao got closer he noticed that the monk's eyes were closed for not to startle the man Miao put the zongzi in his bowl as silently as possible but instead he was the one who was startled when the monks mouth opened and said one thing.
“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”Miao jumped from where he was as he heard the words dropping his dumpling in the floor
“what does that even mean!” he said angrily as he picked up the now dirty dumplings
“it means”the monk said “that when you are mad the only thing that harms you is you being angry”
“is this true?” said miao
“yes” said the monk.
After he had left the market Miao was laying in his bed obsessed by what the monk said.How did he know that?Was it really true?Did he know anything else?Miao had way too many questions and too little answers so when his father was on his way to the market he volunteered to go.When he got to the market he sat in front of the monk
“do you know anything else?” he asked the monk almost too fast for the monk to understand
“what do you mean?” said the monk not bothering to open his eyes.Miao’s hemp clothing scratched against his legs but he did not bother to scratch as he was too obsessed with the monk’s wisdom.
“like what you said yesterday,”said Miao.
“I do” Answered the monk
“like what?”said Miao impatiently “well,I remember a very smart man tell me once that the darkest night is ignorance”said the monk
“huh?”said Miao
expecting another quote about anger,the monk laughed at Miaos response
“What's so funny!”said Miao in reaction to the monk
“It’s just that's exactly what I said the first time I heard those same
words”said the monk
“oh...well what does it mean?” said Miao
“well it means” said the monk still laughing “that the less you understand the less you see”said the monk finally rid of his laugh
“what else do you know”again the monk laughed “you should become a monk yourself if you are to know all these things!”said the monk
“maybe” said Miao already thinking of how he’d look in orange.
Miao had been thinking for a while and he had decided to tell his dad-who worked at sea and had just come back from his voyage-about his Buddhist thoughts. But Miao’s father was a Confucian, a religion which says that Miao must obey his under all circumstances but Miao had to tell his dad that he wanted to become a monk. Miao ,now at home decided to tell his father “Father”said Miao
“yes son”said his father
“when I was at the market a few days ago I met a buddhist monk”said miao carefully “Ok”said his father not letting him finish
“ I’ve been talking to him for a while and I want to become a monk.” Miao’s dad stopped eating and looked up
“what!” said his father, believing his son was simply joking
“I am not kidding” said miao as firmly as possible
“well it’s not happening” said his dad firmly.
The next day Miao sneaked out through his paper window trying hard to not wake up his father.When Miao got to the market he noticed that the monk was not in his usual spot. Instead he was by the Youtiao stand still sitting on the ground, of course.
“I want to become a monk but my dad won’t let me”said Miao as he sat down by the monk
“I always like to say that you should dance to the beat of your own drum”said the monk as he took a gulp of rice wine
“I understand that one!” said miao excitedly
“Do you believe in it?” said the monk
“yeah”said miao still happy with his accomplishment
“Then live by it”.
The very next day Miao packed his bags and left a note to his father with all his learning and left to dance to the beat of his own drum.
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Canary word: Present
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Hi Phillip!
I really enjoyed your story. It made me feel in the moment. I liked that you included dialogue and used it appropriately. Perhaps you could correct any grammar and/or capitalization mistakes such as, "yes,but I have no value for money instead I look for food”Miao was confused why would he want food instead of cashes even though he could get more stuff with money?
This was only one I noticed, but overall, I really enjoyed your story. Great job.
-Isaiah G.
Hey there! I'm here for a review as you asked me earlier.

So, you've got a start here, and I commend you for actually having the entire story written - that's always the hardest part, getting it on the page in the first place. In general, I like your idea and I think the story itself is good. However, there are several ways you could improve.
First off is the simple things - your grammar. It's got a few problems. I'm not going to do a long grammar tutorial for you, but I will just briefly list a few of the common mistakes I saw and refer you to a wonderful Knowledge Base article on YWS: The Great Grammar Compendium It should give you the rundown of everything you need to know.
The things to fix:
1. Capitalization, spacing, and periods. All are inconsistent at best. Space between every word, capitalize the start of every sentence and all proper nouns, even in dialogue, and always have a period, question mark, or exclamation point at the end of each sentence. Basic stuff.
2. Commas. You need them. In general, you're not misusing them, you're just not using them at all. The article I referred you to has an excellent section on commas.
All right. As far as the actual story goes, it's not bad at all. The main thing I have to say is that everything feels like it's going too fast. This is largely because you use a lot of run-on sentences and you don't spend time describing what the surroundings look like. Don't be afraid to describe the environment or the people. Don't just limit yourself to dialogue and actions.
The other main thing I'll say is that I'd love to hear a reason why his father wouldn't let him become a monk - I feel like that's a very important part of the story, and you kind of skipped over it.
And that's really all I have to say - I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh, and if anything I said was confusing, just ask.
I really enjoyed your story. It really made me feel as if I was in Ancient China. However, I would do some grammar corrections and capitalization corrections. I also wonder if you could take out any sentences that don't add anything to your story or keep the story moving.Hope you understand. I would give around a 4.7 to 4.8 star rating. Not bad
I like the overall story, though you did have some problems. You made some punctuation errors in your story. You also made some capitalization mistakes. I wonder if you could work on that because at some points it was hard to understand.
Hello Phillip,
I really enjoyed your story. It really made me feel as if I was in Ancient China. However, I would do some grammar corrections and capitalization corrections. Overall it was a good story, just those corrections I mentioned earlier. I also wonder if you could take out any sentences that don't add anything to your story or keep the story moving. Know what I mean?
I like the characters, i wonder if you could look over spacing at the start.
Nice character name and title name!