Tears of Autumn, Ch 1

Chapter 1

The Willow was a strange place surrounded by massive iron gates so

large, they dwarfed the nearby trees. Each autumn, the land outside

the walls became so dangerous, we were forced to shut ourselves in

until spring. Once the gates were closed, they wouldn’t open, not even

for King Thomas himself. Anyone trapped outside would never be seen

again. No one knew what made the outside so treacherous, but rumors

were spread of a dragon as huge as the village itself, and serpents

with venom so poisonous, any contact would cause instant death.

However, the outside was not without hope. Legends were passed from

generation to generation of one who conquered the outside and found

his way back again. No one knew the truth.

I watched as two servants unfurled a banner spanning across the

eastern gate of The Willow.

The Night of Closure, it read.

I had looked forward to this day all year. There was to be a feast so

large, you could smell the pheasant and fresh baked bread from over a

mile away. But even greater than the prospect of a free meal was the

nighttime itself. After the music and merriment died down, everyone

fourteen and older would camp outside the gate. I was overwhelmed with

anticipation, as this was to be my first year.

 “Ben!” called my mother. I looked back through the crowded market at

my home. She stood in the doorway of our dusty old cottage. Her long

black hair fluttered in the morning breeze, as did her crimson cloak.

I walked to her, trying to hold back my excitement.

“Oh Ben,” she said worriedly, trying to flatten the creases in my

cloak, “I still think fourteen is too young for this sort of thing.”

"Ellie, I’m sure Ben is responsible enough,” interjected my father,

stepping into the doorway. My dad wore a ragged green over coat that

engulfed his entire body. He had scraggly black hair that seemed

similar to my own, along with traces of a beard covering his scrawny

face. “One person gets trapped every five years at the most. Even if

Benjamin was reckless enough, what are the odds of him getting stuck

outside?”

“I'll be safe." I reassured her.

“Who are you camping with again?" she asked.“Ash, Anna, Haley, and

Pike,” I replied after a moment’s hesitation.

"Five people?" said my father, raising one eyebrow, "Do you even have

a tent that big?"

"And I'm not sure how I feel about Anna and Haley sharing a tent with

three boys," added my mother.

"We’re going to have two tents," I said, answering both their questions.

“Ben,” my mother said “You could always share a tent with your father and I.”

“No,” said both my father and me at the same time. My mother just

rolled her eyes.

 “It sounds like you've got everything figured out," my father said,

placing one arm around my shoulder, "Now come into the kitchen and

I'll give you some advice."

We walked out of the living room and into the kitchen, leaving my

mother alone in the doorway.

Our kitchen had more dust than food. It had a simple wood burning oven

and pantry. A few empty cabinets lined the walls.

"Now what I am about to tell you is very important. I can guarantee

you that if you follow these rules you will be perfectly safe tonight.

First off, set up camp close to the banquet."

"But—“

"No 'buts'. Do you know when to get back inside the gates?”

“When the trumpets sound,” I replied quickly.“Right. Once the trumpets

sound, you’ll know when to get back inside. But if you’re too far

away, you won’t hear the trumpets. Do you understand?”

I nodded.

“Secondly, go straight to sleep after dinner. Early to bed, early to

rise, right?"

I kept my objections to myself this time. After all, I was already

thinking up all the ways that I could break these rules.

"And lastly, don't eat breakfast until after the tent is down.

Especially if you disobey rules one and two. The morning banquet will

be there until the gates close, so don't feel rushed."

"Okay." I said.

My father detected the disappointment in my voice. He grabbed my

shoulder and looked directly into my eyes.

"Let me tell you a story. When I was your age I was so excited for The

Closure. My friends and I camped out far from the banquet, and we

stayed up for hours past sundown. In the morning we started hiking

back, completely unaware that noon was minutes away. My friend Marcus

stayed behind to pack up the tent. He assured us he would only be

moments behind. Now imagine the shock I felt when I saw the gates

begin to close with Marcus nowhere to be seen. As it turns out, those

few moments made all the difference. That feeling, of narrowly

escaping death… that feeling of relief that you kept your life, mixed

with that feeling of guilt for feeling relief…” my father paused and

swallowed nervously, “I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, let alone you.

That brings me to my one last rule. There is not a single thing in

this world that is more valuable then your life. If you have to leave

any possessions behind, do it."

I nodded one last time. "Dad?" I asked, after a moment’s hesitation,

"If The Closure is so dangerous, then why are we sleeping outside the

gates tonight?"

My father leaned in as if someone unwelcome was listening. "Listen to

me. King Thomas, as great a king as he is, doesn't see those people

die. He doesn't see the desperate stragglers pounding on the gate. He

doesn't watch as the darkness takes their lives. All he sees is

tradition, and believe me, the king is a slave to tradition. The

people that die out there aren't anything more than numbers on a piece

of parchment. Do you understand?"

“Yes,” I said, “But why are you so worried.”

My father seemed taken aback by the question. “Uh—“ he stammered,

“Better safe than sorry.”

My father turned to leave but stopped himself.“One last thing,” he

said, “Don’t do anything stupid tonight.”

“I won’t,” I said, but I knew my father all too well. He was hiding

something, and I needed to find out what.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
ally1212
Review

I think your story is really good. The characters seemed really real. Also after that one chapter I could tell where this story was headed and that's what kept me interested. You are really good with writing all the little details that seem unimportant but really they make a big difference and for that I congradulate you. So far there is nothing I would change, so good job and I can't wait to read more.

Okay so first of all I'd like to say I enjoyed the story and it was very well written. You have a natural writer's tongue which is a very satisfying talent when it comes to explaining things.

The story was intriguing but I couldn't help but wonder why the children were allowed to sleep outside the gate when it was so dangerous.Besides tradition which seems strange but I'm sure youll explain in time.

Secondly I enjoyed your character...they were very well described and I got a feel of their personalities right off the bat which is hard to do. Were the names you listed for the campers nicknames or thier full names? Is Ash short for Ashely? If they were nicknames I suggest using full names first.

The story has lots of suspense to it which keeps a reader interested. so keep that up! Also continue building your characters. Maybe could you describe Ben's outer appearence a little more so we can visualize?

Besides that I love your story and welcome to YWS! You're going to make a great addition here!

User avatar
germsieGal
Review

Hello and welcome to YWS! If you want some more reviews you're going to have to review other peoples work.

Our kitchen had more dust than food.
I love that line, I laughed out loud when I read it.
I like your story :D It's very nicely writen. I will keep reading if you keep writing! :)



The true adventurer goes forth aimless and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate.
— O. Henry (William Sydney Porter)