My first attempt at a poem...
Oh dear Lord.
I cannot believe I did this.
Tear it apart, please, all you wonderful poem experts?
Done for wiseman210's "Poetry..." contest.
XxXxXxXxX
Poetry isn't so hard.
Just think of things that rhyme with "hard":
Lard, bard--
Okay, maybe it is a bit hard.
Why oh why must I write this?
I just want to give it a kiss,
And send it off with bliss.
But I know I have to write this.
Poetry is where its at.
Just think of things that rhyme with "at":
Sat, rat, mat--
Maybe poetry's not where its at.
How many lines must I have?
Twenty lines I must have.
What in the world rhymes with have?
Nothing that I can think of... have?
I need something that rhymes with orange.
Orange, mornge, pornge...
I need something that rhyme's with orange!
Why doesn't anything rhyme with orange!?
This poem is finally over,
No more trying to rhyme.
I know I've butchered this horribly,
So hopefully you've gotten smiles.
XxXxXxX
Let me say one thing:
EPIC FAIL.
Yes? =D
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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I agree with Tyler. This poem is really self-conscious. I like the idea of making fun of writing poetry and trying to rhyme, but since you told us that you had actually never written a poem before, it's kind of... embarrassing? Like if this were one of those dreams where you realize you're naked, you'd be trying to cover yourself up with this poem and screaming "Don't look at me! No one look at me!" Sorry... weird imagery...
I thought this was the weakest section. It feels like you kind of gave up.Just relax and don't worry so much about messing up!
The last line here is awkwardly worded. And did you pick "rhyme" and "smiles" on purpose? It's almost a half-rhyme because they have the same vowel sound. I can't decide if I like that or not.
So, hope this wasn't too harsh, and good luck!
-rachel
you're getting a little to conscious about what you're writing and its starting to show on the poem, I recommend that you "chill" and gather your thoughts, then give it a go. Keep in mind that you are not required to rhyme, modernism is actually the more popular form of poetry nowadays.
So generally, what I'm trying to say is don't force it. The lines will come, you just have to listen.
As for this poem, its a good start. you could actually tweak the wordplay that you used, "lard bard, etc." but make sure it builds up your poem even further.
And don't be too insecure about it, you have a something to say..
-Tyler
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"You are a child of the universe
No less than the trees and the stars
You have a right to be here"
-Desiderata