Young Writers Society

Despite this being a bit of an old story, I have to say that I overall enjoyed it. It reminded me of some of the older creepy pastas I used to read.
This story just sort of grabs you. I feel immediately connected to the person you are describing. I have myself looked at the various red lights as I slept. The story builds tension into what these lights could be. I actually wanted to know what they were.
Despite the fact that you never really answered what those red lights were making me feel a tad disappointing, I felt like you ended on a good note. Not answering questions for this type of story leaves it all up to the reader to decide what those lights are and I support you for doing that.
Anyways, I enjoyed your story and keep writing.

I think this is brilliant. To make a story in a second person's point of view isn't something you find when reading. So the fact that it's something so different is what makes this story so good. Another is how frighteningly true this is. For everyone it may not be a little red light but in the end its all the same. The dark has a way of messing with you like that, so not every one can tell if there really is something moving around your room at night or not. And not many people write about something like this unless they're adding their own fiction to it to give it some spice. But the fact that some people might actually go through this is what sends shivers up my spine. But a job well done on this horror story.

Hello Remington38 for a late night review. I honestly hate myself now for reading this before I go to sleep because the light on the smoke alarm is green and flashes red every now and then. At first when I started to read this story I was hesitant because its seemingly to be in 2nd person point of view but for this story to be terrifying as it was the second person POV was almost necessary. I could really connect with the story and the late night insomnia not fun but in those restless nights every detail seems to stand out in the darkness. It really is a great idea about stories like this that you can relate to and write what you know. Those are the stories that seem to stand out and hold the most truthful meaning. Well written an absolutely horror.

Hey! ChocolateCello here!

I really liked this, it was chilling and told a very interesting story.

Minor things, not involving content, maybe put less space between your paragraphs and indent them. This is just some presentation stuff and I feel like it would look nicer and attract more readers. Again, with presentation, capitalize your title (Every word). It just looks more formal and draws in more readers.

In the second paragraph, I might suggest adding a sign on emotion half way through. The beginning talks about a 'sense of unease' and the end talks about 'doubt' but the middle is a little emotion less, simply focusing on the image of the dot. Just something like 'you watch the dot, heart beating a little faster' or something that 'reboots' the uneasy feeling in the reader.

This was all written beautifully and you really have a skill at writing/coming up with ideas for horror stories.

Keep up the great work!
-ChocolateCello

This short story was awesome! I loved that the reader (myself) was actually more aware of their own body. I'm really into horror and thriller type of stuff and this gave me goosebumps!

"They tend to get closer during the night. Its barely noticeable but sometimes you can tell they’re closer. They’re a bit brighter, a bit larger. Hardly a visible difference, but you can spot it. You're no fool, The lights cannot trick you."

This was my favorite passage in the short story. I enjoyed how you were able to describe the lights in a very "spooky" type of way. I'll definitely read this again right before I go to bed. Good job on the great work!

Wow! This story gave me shivers! I could tell right off the bat that this story must be from personal experience. I love how you envelope the reader in the darkness and the feeling of paranoia- it makes it so real! I very much enjoyed this story, because you evoked true fear in the reader. Great job!

To be honest, the ending scared me. I struggled to sleep last night because I made a stupid mistake of reading this just before I went to bed. Your descriptions sounded so real and personal, like you have experienced this paranoia. I like that you chose the second perspective (i.e. used “you” to address the audience) to tell us this story. The reader-author interaction here really brings the story to life and adds to the dark mood/tone. I have got nothing to say except that I really enjoyed reading this short story. Well done, and keep writing!

Haha, I like this. It's like telling someone to notice their own breathing, and then they notice their own breathing. I would try to make it a bit more concise though, at times it felt like the narrator was just sort of rambling. For example of what I'm trying to get at:

You won’t be easily fooled. Some say if they reach you, you will die. This is probably nonsense, but they definitely get closer and certainly seem to be sentient.

Do you have one? or two? or three?

They tend to get closer during the night. Its barely noticeable but sometimes you can tell they’re closer. They’re a bit brighter, a bit larger. Hardly a visible difference, but you can spot it. You won’t be easily fooled. Some say if they reach you, you will die. This is probably nonsense, but they definitely get closer and certainly seem to be sentient. Some have speculated that maybe the little lights are eyes of larger things, that sit silent in your bedroom. Like I said, nobody knows. In any case nobody knows why they want to get closer. It would certainly seem sinister and some say they actually cause spontaneous human combustion, famous for occurring during sleep. Some even think they’ve been around for millions of years and are our the reason we painted red glowing eyes on the walls of our caves.

Some have speculated that maybe the little lights are eyes of larger things, that sit silent in your bedroom. Some think they’ve been around for millions of years and are our the reason we painted red glowing eyes on the walls of our caves. Some even say they actually cause spontaneous human combustion, famous for occurring during sleep. Like I said, nobody knows. Nobody knows why they want to get closer.