I haven't reviewed poetry before, and I'm not really a poetry kind of person. But what I found from reading that interested me, I liked your poem. The first time I read it, it made no sense, I read certain parts over and over (and I blame that mainly on my tiredness right now). So I read it again, which brought it all together. Some parts made little sense, but you poets do that a lot, or so I assume.
Despite not knowing what to say, the phone rang out in quiet acclamation against
the white space, inside the margins—to defend them? They're the reason I fear poetry:
How to answer his crying, his heart like a star dehisces, like hibachi
oiled in rapeseed? I lift him by the shoulders to my face and kiss him—I should have known
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Hmmm. Once again I'm struggling to understand your complex poetry, and once again I'm thoroughly impressed. This poem is obviously full of raw emotion, in which the speaker is trying to use words to tie in their thoughts and feelings with a traumatic event.
Structurally I can't see many problems, In fact I quite like the way the lines flow onto new stanzas. Good device. There are times whenever your poetic language and metaphores deviate from the theme in hand- which I suspect for fear of being ridiculed- is the speaker's desperation in trying to shield their lover from loss; the loss of their father and in turn the loss of their love and passion, at least for that night. The speaker tries to relate their own previous grief to their companion, but they feel, as many comforters do, worthless. Sometimes the imagery takes away from this however and leaves me as a reader feeling confused.
Some of the images are very effective though, one of my favourites is:
The regret of the speaker is heart-wrenching:
I love the description of 'life must go on'- it's truly beautiful, and how the griever is almost inconsolable, causing weakness in the speaker's part:
Perfect ending, perfect poem. We never stop to think about how hard death and loss is for the one standing watching their loved one fall apart.
I hope I've interpreted this right,
Eimear