Published October 16, 2012
It was on a sun lit day, that I was made. Kites were in the air and the breeze was low but cool like it was taunting the winter to come near. I remember it all; probably because my creator complained about them. I was her project; her price.
Needle and thread came to its completion and there I was. A beautiful doll made from scratch yet underneath I was stuffed with hatred. Every stitch and fabric pulled together was racked with pent-up rage, craving freedom. If I had nerves, my hairs would stand on its end hearing her spats of malice when no one is around.
“Perfect.” She said simply.
Once I was completed, she inspected me in every way. At some point, she stood up from the patio were she had been sitting and put me on a wooden table inside the dimly lit house. Taking a huge suitcase and a duffel bag, she emptied the contents of her wardrobe and her drawers which were already set for packing.
Grabbing me by my waist, she rolled her suitcase, went up the stairs and stopped at the right-most door. From the conversations I overheard, it had a balcony covered with a thin and breezy white curtain with the huge glass door always closed tight.
I had been always curious about what was so guarded and well-hidden behind that door. As she knocked on the door with force, I felt my stuffing come a bit undone. There was someone inside. A picture of innocence and purity slowly emerged from the door smiling vacantly.
It was odd that this girl merely beamed brilliantly but made no move to hug her own mother as those out of the house often do. Maybe she sensed the cruel coldness I have seen.
She then turned her attention to me, her long wavy hair moving in tune with the expression of awe in her eyes. Without vanity, I can say I am very much beautiful. I was hand-crafted to perfection. There was that word again, Perfection. My maker obsessed grasping its essence. It’s the Perfect gift. It’s the Perfect Plan. It’s the Perfect Escape.
“Mama,” her voice was almost masked with the howls of the mid-afternoon gusts.
“Yes, Vera?” she looked almost excited at the reaction the child gave to me.
“What is that?” She looked into my button eyes and for the first time, I felt uneasy. She was looking right through me. Her pale black eyes and complexion puzzled me. This was my creator’s face yet it was almost too different.
“This is Sally, a doll I made.”
“…Is she for me?” Her eyes lit up even more. It was uncomfortably intimidating. How could she expect me to look at her back with those stars for eyes she had.
“Yes Vera, all yours.” And for the first time since I laid eyes on my maker her lips curled into what could be mistaken as a half-hearted smile.
The child squealed a bit and pulled me into her pale arms. I felt warmth. It was all around her. How could she have stored all of that in this cold place she lives in? I always thought humans were cold and introverted species. I was terrified. What does this child have that they don’t?
“Sally,” she repeated as if she never wanted to forget.
My maker, who was stiff this whole time, smiled again at the sight of her child with me in her arms. Was it only me that saw that? Her smile so much like honeyed venom, what did this mean? Something in me wanted to warn this girl.
Vera, please hear what I have to say. This woman will hurt you, whether you know it or not.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,159 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Okay...well, this is a very powerful scene you've got right here...the emotions being described here, are just super complex here...and manage to convey so much despite how simple the plot here is.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay..well that's an interesting first paragraph there, it seems to indicate right away that this is the perspective of a usually inanimate object come to life somehow here...with the phrasing there, at any rate, it caught my attention quite quickly this one.
Well, isn't that lovely, oh wow, so this is some sort of doll made by someone to vent their hate in some way or get some sort of revenge, at any rate, this just continues to get more and more interesting right here...and well, its a wonderful start so far.
Well, okay, looks like whoever made this doll is about to move out of wherever it is that she's staying here...or at least, that's what it seems like here, it is a bit hard to tell exactly what might be going on here.
Okay...well, this certainly is quite interesting, see the world viewed through the eyes of an object that cannot really do anything but as the protagonist does whatever the protagonist wants to do.
Okay...well, that's an interesting entity to pop out of from a doll made of pure hatred, but heyy...I'm not complaining, it sounds like perhaps this is going to take a bit of a turn and things will end with the hatred being overcome by this love here.
Okay...sooo...that...that is a very interesting undertone there...it almost seems like the mother, turn has some serious hatred going on herself...and is now trying to do something to escape the house somehow...or something along those lines..that's what my deep dive into this story revealed at any rate.
OKay....so that kind of clears things up a bit, the mother appears to be the one who made the doll with the coldness and is running off while the child is the pure one...okay, that now clears up a few of the more confusing elements of this...now its all starting to fall into place a whole lot better, and well it bodes for an even more interesting narrative here.
Well, this doll is adding a surprisingly neat third perspective onto things here.
Hmm, well that about sums up the feelings of the maker of this doll here, it appears Sally just hasn't seen a human being that has some genuine love within them...and is very surprised by the love that this child hs here.
Well isn't that a positively chilling note to end this story on right here...very powerful last sentence right there...and overall, this has been a really nice piece right here...and it conveys so much even with this very simple plot happening here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a really powerful scene here, and I really think I liked it. And if this is perhaps the starting point to a bigger story here, well I'd certainly read that bigger story after seeing this at the start.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Great writing. I like how you made a simple exchange of a present into a narrative of how the gift felt. The imagery is amazing and the general idea of the surroundings and the characters really helps me see the picture your painting. This could be turned into a short story about the dolls journey from being given to wherever you want. Simply watch out for grammar and punctuation.
Keep writing and I will be sure to keep reading.
Thank you for reading, Sourdude16. It means a lot that someone has taken time to read this. Sadly, it's only the Prologue and since I'm new here, I'm at a loss on how to post other chapters.
First thing to do is do some reviews, about same length as mine. Then, when you hit 150 points, post a new chapter. And as with making the new chapters, just write down ideas or portions of the next chapter when you get ideas or have free portions of time. I wish you the best of luck