The blinding white lights stretch across the hospital waiting room’s chequered ceiling, driving my head in circles. Looking around, rows of red plastic chairs are full of the seriously injured and victims of this apocalypse level event. They are broken, physically and mentally. The sound of fear and pain muffles under my disorientated mind and the high frequency ringing in my ears. I can taste strong amounts of metal from the blood running down my face from my head. I get spontaneous flashes of Images of how I got here, unfinished, but enough to create a story.
Screaming and shouting filled the streets. The sound of the ambulance sirens speeding past me towards the edge city hospital added to the horror, paired with the dark midnight blanket that rendered us all blind and hopeless in the late evening of city centre. I could feel the ground beneath my feet shaking uncontrollably, causing me to move without direction or balance. People rushed passed me, kicking, pushing, shoving me out of the way as they ran in the opposite direction to where I was heading. I only discovered the reason for their erratic behaviour as I looked up, to find myself in the landing zone of one of the many magnificent collapsing skyscrapers, falling with all it’s glory, heading my way.
The sound of falling debris suffocated the broken voices of the soon-to-be victims of this catastrophe, dust and ash thickened the air, clouding my vision. The lights in the skyscrapers flickered violently, lamps and lighting in the corner stores and restaurants on the surface fluctuated, varying in luminosity constantly, uncontrollable anxiety and stress swarmed my mind as my deteriorating environment influenced the feelings I endured. Meanwhile large sides of buildings devastate roads and abandoned cars that lay in their trajectory, falling rocks and glass from these crumbling sky high offices shattered the skulls of the evacuating as if they were made of delicate ceramics, it was only a matter of time before death became my fate.
A second lasted a minute and a minute lasted an hour, but I didn’t have a second. Where did my time go? I was suspended in space and time, no where to hide, no where to run. The fall of the surrounding mega structures was almost complete. I was surprisingly swift to accept that my life was in the hands of this crumbling city.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
I feel like I'm sitting next to your character and I want to read so much more. Please continue this. By the way if this isn't a helpful review I'm sorry I just found this site a few days ago and just started reviewing. Anyway onto the review part, I loved the last sentence because it really created enough suspense for me to want to hear more. You are an amazing writer. Between your word choice and your plot you should be proud. Also I loved how you included the fact that time was all messed up that ended it on an interesting note. I really love this sentence,
The sound of falling debris suffocated the broken voices of the soon-to-be victims of this catastrophe, dust and ash thickened the air, clouding my vision.
It makes me imagine that I'm running up and down the streets witnessing this happen.
I really want to see where this goes so please finish it. Keep writing!
-Audrey <3
Very nice! I didn't notice any grammar mistakes (maybe because I wasn't really looking for any). You're descriptions made it very easy to imagine seeing what the narrator saw. The third paragraph was my favorite as it makes me imagine the narrator is just standing there, watching the skyscraper fall towards them in slow motion and not being able to move. It's a very realistic idea of what would happen in this situation.
Amazing! This is beautiful writing. Your word choice perfectly reflected the tragedy and all around chaos of the event. When I was reading, I really felt the emotions of the main character. Your writing is sophisticated, but it is not wordy. This is fitting, as your style makes the event come alive in my mind as if I'm watching a movie. I could hear the screams, I could see the towers toppling, and I could feel the ground shake. A+! Wow, I want to write like this!
Will you write more? You should really add to this story. Was this a natural disaster? Was it somehow caused by human activity? Weapon of mass destruction? Terrorist attack? Aliens? Is it really the apocalypse? What was the character doing in the city at that time? Do they live there? Just visiting? Do they have family members in that city? Has this event happened in another part of the world? Is this story even set in our world? Is it on another planet?
GAH! So much I want to know!
This is amazing! I love the amount of detail you put into the emotions and descriptions of the events unfolding in the story. "The sound of falling debris suffocated the broken voices of the soon-to-be victims of this catastrophe" THAT IS INSANE! I also like how paced the story is with the event, especially because it is a short story. Again, it's awesome!
-Ruby