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His questionable love

by PeculiarGypsy


Her colors matched the sun right before it set, that fiery hue always warmed his heart.

                                Soul searching eyes so bewitchingly green, which never failed to captivate him. 

Not an angel's voice, but it might as well be, her smoothness was his remedy.  

                                 Even science knew of its healing capacity.

Some would say to love so deeply left him with too much vulnerability.

                                  What would he do if she was gone after all? With no trace of return?

His heart would have to weep, but that was the price of loving her.

                                    (What a weirdo, is he really so attached to that thing?)

Love ultimately ends in pain, doesn't it?

                                     For now he wouldn't worry about that.

All he wanted to do was enjoy her company while she was still here.

                                      To him it didn't matter how much time was left, or even what she was.

It especially didn't matter what everyone said he needed to be.

                                      Through her he could have his vulnerability

and learn that it was never a bad thing. 

                                    So he ignored all of the critics, and adored her anyways.

Clearly it was mutual by the way she rubbed against his leg

                                     And never failed to welcome him with an endearing

 meow


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5 Reviews


Points: 25
Reviews: 5

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Sun Jul 05, 2020 10:56 am
Goldenwizard wrote a review...



Hi/ Namaste
This poem is really sweet.
From the beginning, it was hard for me to understand, but later from the mid, it felt really amazing.
The thing you mentioned is really true. Love is a feeling we want to enjoy as much as we can, even when we know that the end is not happy.

But their are some lines where I didn't get to understand.
Like,
Clearly it was mutual by the way she rubbed against his legs.
And the meow you added in the end.
If I conclude these both things than I don't know if I'm correct, but somewhere it feel that the female part of this poem is a cat.
And if it's not than just ignore me, and consider it as my understanding of your poem.
Still I really loved your thoughts.




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145 Reviews


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Reviews: 145

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Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:18 am
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Hi, PeculiarGypsy! I'm Lee, and here to review your AHAHAHAWESOME poem. Seriously, at the end I began laughing so hard my stomach cramped. I was thinking, "It seems like a typical love poem," and then... Oh, wow. You really got me there. Like I said, it's a great poem. But allow me to nitpick just a little. I'll also keep praising you every few seconds, so be warned.

Even science knew of its healing capacity.

The first time I read it, I wanted to say this was strange, but now, never mind. :D

to love so deeply, it left him with too much vulnerability

There needn't be a comma or the "if".

What would he do if she was gone after all? With no trace of return?

The questions broke the flow. try making one sentence out of them or something, maybe, "What would he do if she left him alone, with no trace of return?". Just my opinion though.

but that's the price of loving her

*that was the price of loving her.

Love ultimately ends in pain doesn't it?

Comma needed after "pain".

To him it didn't matter how much time was left, or even what she was

Indeed, indeed. XD

It especially didn't matter, what everyone said he needed to be.

No comma is required here, and perhaps you could replace the fullstop with a semicolon?

And never failed to welcome him with an endearing..

meow

*insert hysterical laughter here*

Seriously, I love this poem. Great job, Gypsy! I hope you keep up this amazing writing.
- A highly amused Lee




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155 Reviews


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Reviews: 155

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Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:11 am
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soundofmind wrote a review...



Okay, so when I started this poem, I was not expecting it to end where it did, but I am so, so happy for that lovely and adorable twist. Nothing's wrong with love poems, because love and longing and romance and relationships are totally a part of being human and I get why they exist, but this was just so refreshing I absolutely had to leave a RAVING REVIEW!!!!!!

I love poems like this, where the end makes you want to re-read it in light of what you know at the end. I read everything in a different light and I love that so much! This is such a cute pet poem, and I love the subtle hints of cat-ness that you leave throughout the poem.

Not an angel's voice, but it might as well be, her smoothness was his remedy.

Things like, "her smoothness" made me raise an eyebrow on first read. I was like, okay, not a traditional compliment, I guess. But let's get creative.

(What a weirdo, is he really so attached to that thing?)

And here, I was like "thing?" Maybe the gal he's in love with is a social pariah or something? It definitely made me curious, but I wouldn't have guessed we were talking about a kitty cat.

Clearly it was mutual.. by the way she rubbed against his leg.
And never failed to welcome him with an endearing..
meow

And alas, these last few lines are where it all becomes clear! Quick nitpick: you have double periods here, and I don't know if you meant for there to be ellipses or just periods, but I don't think there need to be ellipses after endearing, though it does build the "suspense!"

I don't have a lot of criticism, really, to be honest. The flow and word choice felt good, and it doesn't feel too short or too drawn out. I kinda like how the lines move back and forth, it feels like a nice flow of the words for the eyes.

I also love these two lines and how they connect the theme of loving despite the pain that comes with it:
Some would say to love so deeply, it left him with too much vulnerability.

Through her he could have his vulnerability
and learn that it was never a bad thing.

There's something about having pets that connects you to the reality that everything is finite, and all things have an end. It's sad, but I like the conclusion you come to: it's not a bad thing!

Great job!

-soundofmind




LittleLee says...


You, @Gravitem and I all began writing around the same time, i think XD
I got the extra 25 points and everything lol



soundofmind says...


Hahah, looks like it!





Thank you! I'm glad my work was able to give you that refreshing experience. The confusion and double take effect are exactly what I was going for! I tried to write it as a little puzzle game. :)

Your comment was really encouraging to my writing. It's great to hear what someone is thinking when they read my stuff. I've never put my work out there for people to read in this light, so this is a nice new experience.

And I happy to see you understand where I'm coming from with my conclusion! It was meaningful for me personally.

Thanks again for the review, it made my day. (I was VERY nervous to read these.)

A super excited,

Gypsy



soundofmind says...


You are so welcome!! It was a really sweet and cute poem <3

I know posting stuff can be scary but I'm so glad you did and I hope you keep posting! :D



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94 Reviews


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Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:09 am
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Gravitem wrote a review...



Hey Gypsy! I accidentally read the "meow" when I opened the poem and I instantly fell in love with it. I have to say, I really love cats and dogs. They're the best things on the planet.

I like how you've used a kind of style of placement of stanzas to switch perspectives from this boy to his cat. It's pretty neat. There was just one line where the perspective - I'd say - was, both their perspectives? Right here;

So he ignored all of the critics, and adored her anyways.

Clearly it was mutual.. by the way she rubbed against his leg.


Perspectives didn't exactly alternate here, and there's no problem with that at all. It flows well this way. Talking about flow, I didn't notice any off-beat lines so the entire thing did flow pretty well. I like this a lot. That's really all I want to say. It's cute.

I'm pretty sure this wasn't helpful at all, but I really like this poem.

Keep writing.

Yours sincerely,
Myth :D






Hi Myth! :) I'm happy to hear you like the poem so much. Cats and dogs are super amazing! Just so loveable. Thank you for the compliment on my stanza placement. I wasn't going for a change between the boy and his cat but I can see how it looks that way! lol Your review helped encourage me so thanks again. :) ill keep practicing !



A very appreciative,

Gypsy




This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
— T.S. Eliot