Young Writers Society

it is a review.
I love poem sooo much. can not explain how much I love poems..it is in my breathe and in my soul and I believe I created for poetry and poetry loves me. .ha..ha.. sounds funny but it is true.any way,was reciting these sad and pretty words ..why are you so upset ? you know cute friend , if you look little bit carefully you can also change those city lights into those twinkling stars.. . just you have to believe in yourself bit more..can you do that? then let's go touch those stars and swim in that sand bar...it will be more alive..believe me..you can do this.best luck sweet friend

Hi there! Dropping in for a quick review here...

I usually love these kinda metaphoric poems, and this was no exception, but I do feel it's a bit of untapped potential, as some things seem a bit off.

The first two stanzas are beautiful, and really set the overall mood of the poem very well. I like your writing style and formatting very much, especially the
under.

and oil spills coat the fish of my ocean,
As far as metaphoric writing is concerned, this line is strange, because it's not quite clear what the fish are supposed to mean, at least to me.

I made to my parents, to be good, kind and smart
This line is also strange, or rather, it ruins the mood a bit because you've been so poetic throughout that 'pledge to my parents' just doesn't fit in here.

Love love love the Zebra stanza, especially the way you've written confused. <3
And also the one right after that, it's a very smooth transition to the sky, as someone else said, and worded very nicely.

is brown, the brown of city lights that don't belong.
When you're describing the nature and all that, suddenly switching to a global warming or pollution related topic is really really weird. You've put in a similar point with oil spills, but that's not the overall flavor of the poem. Though the words fit the meaning here, they don't fit the rest of the poem.

The last stanza is perfect, and a lovely lovely ending to a beautiful poem.

Overall, this is a nice poem but the flow is all wrong, in that there are too many things that don't fit in, and you seem to be dealing with way too many different and completely opposite concepts here. Your imagery is brilliant, it's just the flow that I have a problem with. If you could maybe use metaphors that make more sense together instead of just being creative on their own, it would make this poem way more enjoyable.

Congratulations on a praiseworthy effort and a great poem. Can't wait to see what you write next.

Sadie

Hi! Thought I'd drop in for a quick review.

Wow! I love this poem!! You are such a talented writer.

I did not notice any grammatical errors as such. The words were written well and punctuation marks were used wherever required. Even though dividing up the poem was a good idea as it made the poem more powerful and nice to read, I personally feel that the stanzas were kind of uneven, if you know what I mean. Moving on, I simply love the format of your poems. The way you started certain lines from the center instead of the left side and wrote words like "confused" is something new and unique to me. They are the best part of this piece of literary work.


Now coming to the actual content of the poem. The title of the poem "Confusion" complements it as it is what the poem is actually about. And, the poem itself is very beautiful and quaint. All those examples of "algae" and "oil spills" made the poem kind of realistic and easier to connect with. The only thing is that you should have provided at least some sort of hints about what the confusion is about. Or, is it regarding everything (or rather, most of the things) in general? Other than that, I think the poem was just perfect. Everything was written in a nice manner which was beautiful and easy to connect with and understand.

This poem is a picturesque one which has a great potential. With the right polishing, it will be a great literary work. I loved it! Keep up the good work.

Hello, Dino here for a short review!

You use sea terms very nicely throughout this poem and with that, comes great imagery and description. Most poets hardly touch up on the topic of what you are using or even use sea logic to compare it to that. I like how you kind of have that rhythm where it seems like waves pushing onto a shore.

Zebra mussels
cling on to all the natural thoughts left in my mind
and the only thing I know is that I'm c o n f u se d.

And every pledge
I made to my parents, to be good, kind and smart
have disappeared, dissolved into the water.

This review is brought to you by InfiniteRectangles

Hello! InfiniteRectangles here with a review for you!

I really like how you explained your confusion by describing it in terms of the sea. I think that was really creative and it provides some imagery for the reader.

The people that bustle
to do their unconfused, daily activities
only add to the smog that fills the sky within me.

Now I must dive deep, so deep it's as impossible as touching mars,