Her thoughts were like an iceberg
A big ole block of ice
Some of them are dark and mean
Some are really nice
Most only see the smallest tip
That's stuck up in the sky
They see the sunshine glistening
As they quickly pass on by
Occasionally comes someone
Who looks beneath the waves
They'll see the dark ice hidden
And they'll decide to stay
They'll dive beneath the waters
And they'll start to explore
They'll find the dark remains
Of a ship that is no more
They'll ask who owned the ship
She'll reply "don't you see?
No one survives the iceberg
Not even me"
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi!
I just wanted to tell you I really like this poem. I love the symbolism, especially how you have used the iceberg to signify her thoughts. I think my favorite part is
"Occasionally comes someone
Who looks beneath the waves
They'll see the dark ice hidden
And they'll decide to stay"
If I'm interpreting this right, it symbolizes those who actually take the time to stop and really look underneath the facade, right?
Anyhow, just wanted to say you did a good job!
Love,
Narnia Queen
Thank you so much! Yes, that refers to someone that took the time to see me for who I really was underneath all of walls I put up, and still decided to stick around.
Hey Hey!
Welcome to YWS!!! If you have any questions, just ask, me or anyone!
For a first poem written here, absolutely gorgeous!
"Most only see the smallest tip
That's stuck up in the sky
They see the sunshine glistening
As they quickly pass on by" This is my favourite part, because it reminds me when you see an acquaintance in the supermarket, and they ask how you are, and you say fine even though you're absolutely not fine, but you don't want to bother people with it.
"She'll reply "don't you see?
No one survives the iceberg
Not even me""
This part confuses me. She/he is the iceberg, so they can't survive their own thoughts? Which is a great point, but it needs to be elaborated.
Last little tiny thing: Punctuation. (few commas and stops here and there should do the trick)
In total, AMAZING. Good job!
Love,
Lau.
Thank you so much! The iceberg is her thoughts and it is supposed to symbolize how they are destroying her. Thank you so much for your comment!
Hi!
It's an enjoyable piece of work. I really liked the comparison you made of the personality of a person to an iceberg which only a few divers could see the depth of.
However, a few things tipped me off.
You didn't use any punctuation marks at the end of lines. The reader has to make effort to understand where a stanza ends and the next begins. Also, work on presentation like not using capitals for beginning of every line.
The poem starts with "her thoughts were like an iceberg."
Then suddenly all the verbs are of present tense and it changes to future tense. I'm not an expert but I think if it were all in past or present tense I'd have enjoyed it more as the narrative part would have been better.
Overall, it's a very observant and profound poem. The beauty lies in the fact that almost everyone can relate to it in some way or the other.
Keep writing!
Thank you so much! I will take that all into consideration!