Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well this was quite a start...and lol I have yet to see any connection to a fandom at least one that I can detect. You've definitely portrayed quite some interesting characters, none of which are very likeable at least to me so there's that. Anyways onto more things.
Anyway let's get right to it,
“I passed!”
“I failed!” I chirped sarcastically, mocking Holly’s enthusiasm. She turned to face me with her hands on her hips.
“You’re just jealous that you’re not me,” Holly stated smugly.
Uh oh well quite the dramatic opening that we have right there. Sets up quite a tone and well it is catchy so good job with the opening.
“Yes, I’m jealous that I cannot be an immature nerd like you.” I faked sadness. Holly rolled her eyes before turning back to our mother. I watched in disgust as she placed her perfect one hundred arrogantly in our mother’s face. She proudly took it while my irritation caused me to crumple my test into my fist.
Well...mixed feelings on that line but heyy that does happen quite often in life.
The door slammed shut behind me as I flopped onto my bed, seething. Holly was a know it all, a favorite to everybody, and my twin. We had identical features with large blue eyes, fair skin, and a trail of freckles over the nose. The only way you could tell us apart was by our hair. She had light brown hair while I was a dumb blonde. My parent were always telling me to be more like Holly, try harder at school, be a nice girl like Holly. God, I hated those words.
Well that sounds pretty horrible. And of course that's also a pretty neat way of describing our characters right there. Makes it seem pretty natural which is always a plus rather than just having it randomly crammed in there.
“You’re in big doo-doo. Mom is so going to kill you,” she sneered as she plopped onto her neatly made bed, a thick book in her hands. We shared a room and I hated it. I had to put up with her day and night with her stupid voice and her annoying snores. A year ago, I had taken a wide roll of black tape and made a line to separate our territory. There was one rule: We could not cross to the other side.
Well that does not sound like a great relationship right there...although I am kind of wondering where exactly this is meant to be going...unless maybe this is intended more as the start to a longer fanfic of some sort.
“Keep it down! Your horrible singing is giving me a headache!” Holly complained. I smiled up at her knowing that she was lying through her teeth. She was boiling with jealousy, and I knew it. Holly could not deal with that fact that I could actually do something better than her. I could sing; she could not. Holly’s eyes narrowed before she dropped my headphones on the floor and walked out.
Well that is very petty right there...well you're doing a great job of characterizing that...and of course making us not the biggest fans of either of these two so I hope this is set up for some proper development eventually at least.
I hesitated at the bottom of the wooden stairs. Maybe I could just skip dinner, but the I will be giving the feeling of triumph to Holly. I sighed, pushing myself towards the dinning room before I could change my mind. Holly and my father were already seated at the round table, laughing over something stupid Holly said.
Well this is going to be awkward...
“Carly, know your manners. You must wait for your mother,” my father said sternly. I blinked up at him before retreating. I blamed the fork.
The silence seemed to stretch on for an eternity. Finally, my mother came in, carrying a stack of plates. She refused to look at me as she passed them out and I felt myself sinking lower into my seat.
Oh dear well here we go...
“What will I ever do with you?” she asked, mostly to herself. My anger flared at those words. Do with me? Was I that bad? I glanced at Holly who was obviously listening with joy.
“What do you mean?” I asked dumbly. My mom’s eyes narrowed.
Oh god that sounds like a very toxic relationship right there. We are starting this off with so much negativity.
“Dad, Carly is scaring me,” Holly played the innocent role. I stopped dead and squinted at her. It was obvious Holly was not scared at all. She just wanted me to get into bigger trouble. I grinned without humor.
*urge to slap intensifies*
“Go to your room now!” My father roared. My mother jumped in her seat, Holly smirked, and I glared.
“Gladly,” I spat before walking away.
Well we had quite the ending there...
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall it was an interesting start. I would definitely love to see where this is going to go next although I have to say, the characters don't really make a great case for us readers to root for them.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254163
Reviews: 4102
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