Standing In the Dark

hello there!

first and foremost, welcome to yws! i'm glad you have decided to join such a welcoming and wonderful writing community! it's always great to have new members.

i really enjoyed this poem! as a performer, it really does encapsulate the feeling of anxiety you have right before a performance. although, like with anything, there is room for improvement.

Standing in the dark, surrounded on all sides

Breathing- heavy, fingers- crossed

i really admire the use of this anaphora, or a repetitive phrase to add emphasis. opening the poem right away really piqued my interest. though, you can go even further into depth with it. using descriptive adjectives and other rhetorical devices, like metaphors/similes, personification, etc. will really amp up the description of the scene. with poetry, the goal is to show, rather than tell. show the reader what the scene looks like and paint the scene with your words. remember this: a painter's medium is paint and a musician's medium is an instrument, but a writer's medium is the dictionary.

i was also somewhat interested as to why you added a hyphen after "breathing" and "fingers" every time. personally, i think that this is unnecessary and it can stand alone without it.

All hiding their identities

All knowing who the others are

these two lines are very interesting. i think it really taps into the camaraderie you have as a cast when it comes to putting together a show, and i really like that. but, like with what i said previously, go further into depth! how are they hiding their identities? what do the costumes look like? what is the relationship like between everyone in the cast? when writing poetry, ask yourself these questions. the best advice i've received when it comes to writing, in general, is to place yourself in the perspective of the reader. what does the reader want to know?

grammatically speaking, the line "all knowing who the others are" seems somewhat off to me. there's something about it that needs a tad bit of reworking. from what i've picked up from its previous line, i can tell that you want to match the structure. i would recommend, though, is that i would maybe reword this and change the structure of this line, just so it flows more cohesively.

generally, throughout the entire poem, pack in that figurative language and rhetorical devices for your reader to imagine this. there are some people out there that have never been apart of a cast or have never even watched a play or musical. describe and personify that feeling of anxiety to people who don't know so they can have a better understanding of it.

now, i know this is your first work and i'm sure some stuff i said maybe a bit overwhelming, but all you can do at this point is write, write, and write! some say that practice makes perfect, but i like to say that practice makes progress, which will eventually turn into perfection. once again, i really enjoyed this poem! i hope to see you grow in your writing!

-yellow