"Things I Don't Like" by Death

by PaulClover

Published March 13, 2011

This morning, I met Death at the side of the road as I was collecting yesterday's mail. He strode toward me, his black cloak swaying in the morning breeze. I shivered in fear, dropping the mail and scattering the wealth of unpaid bills and one-time offers to the careless wind.

"Fear not," he said to me, his voice crisp and cool. "It is not yet your time to die. But I understand that you're a writer."

"Y-yeah," I stammered. "Yeah, I s-suppose, yeah."

"I find myself in need of your services. Do you have a large readership?"

"Well, not really. I mean my girlfriend reads my stuff, and I post most of my work online so people can review and critique my-"

"That'll do," said Death, pulling a piece of paper from under his cloak. "This is a list of the things I despise." He paused, as if in deep thought. "Well, maybe not despise, but I certainly don't like them. I want you to publish these, under your name, so that the whole world will know my grievances."

"Umm, okay," I said, taking the proffered slip of paper. "Do you want me to-"

But Death was already gone. I took the paper, ran to my house and immediately began copying Death's grammatically incorrect list of grievances.

All I can say is that everyone who reads this would do well to heed his words...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things I Don't Like, by Death

#10. People who die too early.

#9. People who die too late.

#8. People who don't die at all and won't tell me how they did it.

#7. People who somehow die more than once and won't tell me how they did it.

#6. People who die trying to get their cat out of a tree. (Note to those who could very well die trying to get their cat out of a tree: have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree? Trust me. I'm kind of an expert on the subject.)

#5. People who kill other people and then hide their bodies before I can collect the souls. This is not a scavenger hunt, people. I'm on a schedule.

#4. Teenage boys who die young, who have missed out on so many of the wonders and beauties of life, yet their only regret is that they never got laid.

#3. People who think I'm a Ringwraith and that they've somehow died and gone to Middle-Earth.

#2. Facebook

#1. People who ask me if they can go back and die more spectacularly. Approximately 150,000 people kick the bucket every day, and every one of them thinks that their death should be "special". Give me a break. The guy who died saving an orphanage from an onslaught of killer robots is just as dead as the guy who died pissing on an electric fence. People really need to get over dying and start worrying about life.

Comments & reviews · 66
User avatar
MilkNCookies
Comment
MilkNCookies commented Comment · Mar 29, 2011

This is so good! I like how you gave Death a more cheery tone. As if he's tired of all us stinkin humans. Well, this was really hilarious. Keep up the writing!


~MilkNCookies

User avatar
kebenhack
Review
kebenhack wrote a review Review · Mar 28, 2011

This is aaaaaaaaaaamazing!! It's short, simply, to the point, and written very, very well. It's quite witty as well, which is something I love. You should try publishing this. :)

User avatar
kathy45662
Comment
kathy45662 commented Comment · Mar 28, 2011

You can't help but keep reading this! Very catchy opening! It's not every day death is strolling by your mailbox and making conversations. lol. Definately nice to have death with a sense of humor. Great job and creativity

User avatar
Jalmoc
Review
Jalmoc wrote a review Review · Mar 28, 2011

I know that many people have commented on this, but i absolutely LOVED this!!! I couldn't stop laughing through the entire thing!!! Thank you for writing this! :D

SirenCymbaline wrote a review Review · Mar 28, 2011

I have seen this featured SO MANY TIMES and I have finally decided to read it. It is awesome. Honestly, I have never seen anything featured more than two or three times but yours has been featured time and again. I fianally decided to read it and I love it. I pressed 'like'. 10 and 9, understandable, agreeable. 8 and 7, OMG AWESOME! I really agree with these two. People in movies do it all the time and it's just wierd. That guy just shot him, and he miraculously survived? He just got crushed, and he rolls the debris off like it was a duvet? He blew up in the first movie, and then he appears, alive, in the sequel? Really. And the other one? If I had a choice, I'd rather stay mortal than be immortal. I'd rather go to heaven than stay in this scary place we call 'Earth'. And interact with these strange beings called 'humans.' Barely any of them understand me. To have an unending life is to have no life. That way, you make friends and then they get old and die and then you make more friends and they get old and die............etc. Sad. and 6? That's pretty true, but how would one die saving a cat from a tree? And the skeleton thing, love it but when thinking of a skeleton, people think of a put-together one. Bones don't magically stay joined without any flesh to keep them joined. Now for 5. Very true. 4. I have no idea what that means, but maybe it's better I don't. 3. Ringwraith? what's that? 2. Haha. That's pretty funny, but why does he hate Facebook? 1. OMG SO TRUE. I agree. If you want a spectacular death, then die spectacularly. Awesome work!

User avatar
Jas
Comment
Jas commented Comment · Mar 27, 2011

Hey,

Sixty-two likes. Sixty-one reviews. Holy crap. That's the most likes I've EVER seen a piece get. Woah. You totally deserve it though, this story was brilliant.

~Jas

Random avatar
BeckeeRenae
Review
BeckeeRenae wrote a review Review · Mar 27, 2011

I wasn't sure how I was going to like it when I first started it, because it's not at all what I'm used to reading, but it was absolutely marvelous! The plot was really humorous, and you confronted a really serious issue with great finesse. I laughed my head of through the whole thing. Marvelous work.

User avatar
Cassie143
Comment
Cassie143 commented Comment · Mar 27, 2011

i loved it
it was funny
and a great read :)

User avatar
ItsRainbowInked
Comment
ItsRainbowInked commented Comment · Mar 27, 2011

Much too humorous. Loved it. Every single little bit. Who would've thought of something like this? Well, obviously you, but, it's brilliant. A very short review, no?

User avatar
SisterItaly
Review
SisterItaly wrote a review Review · Mar 27, 2011

Okay, lets make the introduction quick. I'm Emaly and I'll be reviewing your work for today. From a first glance it looks alright, now let's get into this.

Reading on, I can see you're pretty good with grammar and vocabulary. So I don't really have much to nitpick.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Okay, this was unnecessary, and used incorrectly. I'm fifty percent sure this is editor slang for not, or math slang for not.

#10. People who die too early.


No. No lists when writing, it just doesn't work. It doesn't look right.


#2. Facebook


No one likes Facebook, but we all have it.

It's an overall funny piece, but you may want to cut the list.

User avatar
Reebz
Comment
Reebz commented Comment · Mar 26, 2011

Youu actually made Death seem funny!
Very well-written and incredibly unique idea. :)

User avatar
Mickixoxo
Review
Mickixoxo wrote a review Review · Mar 25, 2011

Oh wow. This totally made my day :)
Funny. Really, extremely, funny.
I loved it :)
(Especially the last one)

User avatar
dregymayfield
Comment
dregymayfield commented Comment · Mar 25, 2011

This was just really silly but in an interesting way. It\'s a little hard for me to imagine Death going to a kid because he needs a writer, but oh well. Very interesting piece of work.

User avatar
LilySoulMahon
Review
LilySoulMahon wrote a review Review · Mar 25, 2011

This really did make me giggle; I look like a right weirdo randomly laughing in the computer room.
Great piece of work :') really imaginative, makes you wonder if this would be really said or not.
I look forward to reading more like this. (Not my best review but I can't think of a worthy comment for this).
Well done!!!

User avatar
Amberla93
Review
Amberla93 wrote a review Review · Mar 25, 2011

This is amazing, you have one grand sense of humor in my opinion!
My favorite lines would have to be:

#8 People who don't die at all and won't tell me how they did it. - If I were Death, I wouldn't like that either!

#6 People who die trying to get their cat out of a tree. (Note to those who could very well die trying to get their cat out of a tree: have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree? Trust me. I'm kind of an expert on the subject.) - Death has common sense! Haha :)

And #4 Teenage boys who die young, who have missed out on so many of the wonders and beauties of life, yet their only regret is that they never got laid. - I laughed alot at #4

User avatar
Wondergirl59
Review
Wondergirl59 wrote a review Review · Mar 22, 2011

OMFG. (can I say omfg here? oh well.) Times the word "love" by 13.7 billion, and you'll get close to how much I loved this. It was really awesome. I like the beginning piece the best. When Death talks to you? Yeah, that. So great! Awesome job! :D

User avatar
TolyVilapoo
Review
TolyVilapoo wrote a review Review · Mar 22, 2011

Hey I'm Toly and this is the first review I will be doing on this site. . . Don't wether you should be happy or I should. Hehe.
I must say that as I sat lazing on my bed, reading your story I could not help but burst into laughter. Your story, albiet slightly short, is hilarious. It provided such light heartedness to a topic that is usually serious. You proved that people today are so stressed about death that they forget to live.
A few pointers though: I'd really have liked if you described Death a bit more. You could have said "Deaths scythe dragged along the floor as he aproached me. When he stood inches away from me, he raised above his head. . . Smiled and said 'relax it ain't your time yet.'" This my opinion though. I feel it would bring out da humour of his list and himself alot more. All in all good story! Oh and by the way don't think Death would want u mentioning the fact that his list was grammatically incorect, it's never good to point out the flaws of supenatural beings.;) Lol

harshita3chaarag commented Comment · Mar 21, 2011

Hi!! this was really great and brilliant..!!! Loved it... Never thought Death could also hate things!!:p

User avatar
LadyFreeWill
Comment
LadyFreeWill commented Comment · Mar 20, 2011

This was mildly amusing for me. I agree with Death on number one. 'Specially about the last part!

User avatar
Searria H.
Review
Searria H. wrote a review Review · Mar 20, 2011

Like everyone else, I adored this piece.

I don't think there's anything wrong with your first sentence. It sets the tone of the piece wonderfully. I think just starting with "Death" will make readers write it off as unoriginal. I don't mind the phrase, "this morning" at all. It implies that the telling of the story is later on the same day, so it makes sense to me to have the rest of the sentence in past tense.

I think you could describe Death in more detail. If you make his approach and appearance more menacing, the humour of the rest of the piece is more likely to take the reader off guard, making it even more enjoyable.

crisp and cool

very nice alliteration. :)
"This is a list of the things I despise." He paused, as if in deep thought. "Well, maybe not despise, but I certainly don't like them.

This almost seems backwards to me. If he at first says that he despises the items on the list, then you'd think he would have titled the list "Things I Despise" by Death. It's really up to you, though.
I took the paper, ran to my house and immediately began copying Death's grammatically incorrect list of grievances.

This was one of my favourite sentences in the piece. :) Although it isn't necessary, you can put a comma after "my house."

#2. Facebook

I agree that this one isn't entirely relevant. I doubt Death has internet access, and it's not like Facebook kills people, so I'm not sure he would really care.

I think the order of your list is perfect. Although I did laugh more at some of the others more than at number 1, I don't think any of the others would make satisfying endings.

Overall, I really enjoyed it! :) I didn't find any grammatical errors, other than the one's that were supposed to be there in Death's list. Thank you for sharing!

-Sea-

User avatar
BrooklynWriter
Comment
BrooklynWriter commented Comment · Mar 20, 2011

OMJ LOOOOOVE IT! <likes x10>

User avatar
Griffinkeeper
Comment
Griffinkeeper commented Comment · Mar 20, 2011

I just love how well the character of Death is portrayed. The idea that he takes some time out of his busy schedule to rant about the souls he takes and the evils of facebook; it's hilarious.

User avatar
DrakoeIrene Review
DrakoeIrene wrote a review Review · Mar 19, 2011

Wonderful! I loved the whole "And dont' tell me how they did it" two, that was just cute. Only thing i don't like is the Cat one -

Just becuase your a cat person Drakoe doesn't make the rest of the world one... Like me! I'm a dog person-
Mira, we've had this conversation, I know we have. This is My body, your just the annoying voice in my head. What you are doesn't matter
Bitc-
Mira! if you get me kicked off of here i swear to god i will start taking my pills!!
*pouts*
Now let me get back reveiwing! Go, I don't know, play with the plot bunnies or something.

>.<, sorry. Now then, I admire the last thing that death hated, it had a point and actually made me think. All over I loved it, wish there as more of it, but still, Bravo!

Random avatar
wolfgirl13
Review
wolfgirl13 wrote a review Review · Mar 19, 2011

I LOVE this. :D

It's so funny and I love the writing style. In my opion it could do with a better intoduction, but the one you have got isn't bad. :)

Awesome. :D :D :D
xxx

User avatar
Busheldood
Comment
Busheldood commented Comment · Mar 19, 2011

i really liked it a lot, especially no.5, keep up the good work, I'd like to hear more! :)

User avatar
geekchic
Review
geekchic wrote a review Review · Mar 19, 2011

Hello there! Let me start out by saying how much I love this! You have made the character of death, who is normally portrayed as a grumpy... well I'm not sure how to describe him now. :) Anyway you made death funny. The first sentence was awesome and it totally made me want to continue reading. And of course, death's list was hilarious. I loved number 4 and the one about Facebook (sorry I forgot what number it was) because it was so random compared to all the others. Well I guess I should stop rambling and hit the like button. Great work!
-Hope

User avatar
Button
Comment
Button commented Comment · Mar 19, 2011

Well, you have yourself a new follower.
Though I doubt I'm the first you've gathered with this fantastic piece. :)

Random avatar
paradoxturtle Review
paradoxturtle wrote a review Review · Mar 19, 2011

A lovely take on personifying Death, a pleasure to read.
Good luck. I do hope that this review is helpful.

Opening:

“This morning, I met Death at the side of the road as I was collecting yesterday's mail.”


A great idea, hooks the reader nicely.
However, it could be even stronger. This could really grab reader’s attention even more if it simply started with, “Death.”

Some readers will see the words “this morning” and stop reading there. Many publishers do so as well.
If one simply re-worded the sentence around, it could hook readers with the idea that somebody is dying and this builds suspense. Thus, the readers want to know what will happen next and they will keep reading.

For example, one option is something like, “Death. I met him that morning at the side of the road.”

A one-word sentence, though grammatically incorrect, is acceptable for an opening hook because it grabs attention with its short form.

Also, the phrase “this morning” is in present tense (an action is happening at that moment), but the rest of the sentence is in past tense (something has happened, the most common tense for writing fiction).

If one jumps back and forth between these two tenses, the story’s flow can become stilted. The reader has trouble “getting into the story” but doesn’t quite know why.

Simply staying in one tense can avoid this sensation in readers. For example, “That morning, I met Death” works better with the past tense of the rest of that sentence.



“He strode toward me, his black cloak swaying in the morning breeze.”


A great image, but perhaps the cloak is “billowing” rather than swaying? A stiff object tends to sway, but cloth tends to ripple and billow in the wind.
It is slightly easier to imagine the cloak flowing rather than swaying.



"I shivered in fear, dropping the mail and scattering the wealth of unpaid bills and one-time offers to the careless wind.”


A great idea, but perhaps the phrase “in fear” could be dropped completely from the sentence. The readers can understand that he’s shivering not because he’s cold, but because he’s scared. The context conveys this idea and adding “in fear” does not add any meaning to the sentence that isn’t already there.

The phrase “careless wind” could also be dropped. It is established that he’s dropping the papers and they go flying without any wind to cause them to so so.

Perhaps also breaking this sentence into two parts could allow it to flow better. It is often easier on one’s eyes if the sentence lengths of a story are varied from long to short.
For example, “I shivered. The mail dropped from my hand, scattering a wealth of unpaid bills and one time offers.”

A sentence that is too long tends to overwhelm a reader. A long sentence followed by a short one tends to add more visual suspense to prose.


Plot:

An interesting plot, really funny and captivating.

However, the ending seems like it could have an extra impact to it.
The main character almost seems forgotten by the end, and the focus is on Death.

However, Death is not the protagonist and only shows up for a few moments.

More focus on the main character’s perspective could strengthen the ending even more.
For example, maybe he types it in and when he goes to post it, his power goes out and Death shows up saying that he changed his mind and has one hundred and two dislikes. Then changes his mind on the spot again, and the protagonist sighs.

There is also very little setting, physical details about the main character. I am assuming that he is male, but the gender is not even specified. Nor is the main character’s name.

More details about the five senses, the environment, and the character could direct more of the focus on the protagonist of the story.

Perhaps showing his reaction to the list could also shift more of the focus to him, maybe he even adds to the list some of his dislikes because death did ask him to put it in his name.


Structure:


The dialogue tended to flow naturally and realistic. However, there were several tags that followed the dialogue that could be even more realistic.

For example, a tag like “replied, stammered, shouted” is unneeded because the speech itself can show the reader whether or not a character shouted (an exclamation mark shows this) or stuttered (the w-words l-look like this).
Often, it is best to always follow dialogue with a movement/action done by the character speaking.

For example,
"Y-yeah," I stammered. "Yeah, I s-suppose, yeah."
This could instead become, “Y-yeah,” I stepped backwards. “Yeah, I s-suppose, yeah.”

His movement, stepping backwards, conveys fear. He would not try to back away from Death unless he felt nervous, afraid. This action adds a visual dimension to the speech. It adds more flow to the story and still shows who is saying what line.



This line causes some confusion as to why it needs to be in the story.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Simply putting the whole list/text in italics could suffice to explain a shift in the narrative to written text.
Otherwise, a symbol like this is to indicate a shift to another character’s perspective/a jump in time.
The shift is to written text, and does not qualify under either category.


Overall:
Lovely to read. Good luck!

Random avatar
kelifa223 Comment
kelifa223 commented Comment · Mar 18, 2011

THIS IS SO JOKES

User avatar
Sionarama
Review
Sionarama wrote a review Review · Mar 18, 2011

This was amazing! Nothing bad to it :)
Actually, the only nitpick was that it went from #10 to #1 but I understand. It's the least worst to biggest worst. (If you understand)
AMAZINGGGGGG,
sionarama

User avatar
Rune
Comment
Rune commented Comment · Mar 18, 2011

This like Pratchett's DEATH meets the Book Thief. I had my doubts when I started reading (because of the quintillions of clichés I've seen that start with "today I met death"), but seriously that was an amazing piece.

User avatar
Ranger Hawk
Comment
Ranger Hawk commented Comment · Mar 17, 2011

Brilliant. Especially 2. :lol: Great job! :D

borntobeawriter wrote a review Review · Mar 17, 2011

Hey there Paul!

I read this way before it was featured and liked but never got around to replying.

I think what I loved the most was the fact that the MC's voice drastically different from Death's. I mean, considering how I read the short story (for those who haven't, you must!), I have becoming quite acquainted with this voice.

I first, I was bothered that it sounded nothing like Death, then realised it wasn't Death and the voice made more sense. I thought it was hilarious. You should definitely continue these whenever you get writer's block. Hell, why not write more short stories. I mean, the possibilities are infinite, yes?

Great read, great laugh, thank you!

Tanya

User avatar
rainsallthetime
Comment
rainsallthetime commented Comment · Mar 17, 2011

Haha!! Funny story dude! Laughed till my ass hurts. Short but great!
Well done..Looking forward to your next work!

User avatar
Mikko
Review
Mikko wrote a review Review · Mar 16, 2011

This is a great piece! The way I picture Death is like Hades in Hercules (the Disney version...) how he talks so fast with an unintentional touch of humour. I loved it! :D

I just had a flash vision: a whole load of ' "Things I don't like" by......' Just like when there was the time alot of "Five reasons why...." got posted. You should take it as a compliment!

Nice work!!!

Random avatar
danipower0204
Review
danipower0204 wrote a review Review · Mar 16, 2011

Damn! I really liked this. The first line literally got me hooked. It's just so absurd that one has to read on. Great job.
the list was pretty funny. Not laugh out loud, but a little chuckle here and there. So how was he exactly, Death? :P
Anyway, creative and entertaining to say the least. Good job and keep going!

User avatar
Sopster
Review
Sopster wrote a review Review · Mar 16, 2011

This reminds me of the book 'The Book Thief'...did you get you inspiration from that? :) It's a really good book...anyway I loved this! Funny and brilliant! Oh, I've just realised the reviewer above has also mentioned 'The Book Thief'! :D

User avatar
Angela
Comment
Angela commented Comment · Mar 16, 2011

Absolutely LOVED it. Funniest thing I've read today. You should try reading 'The Book Thief' by Markus Zusak. Anyone who writes this HAS to read that book. Anyway, I love your list, and I can't help but agree with him on #2. YWS is so much better.

User avatar
Nyx
Review
Nyx wrote a review Review · Mar 16, 2011

Hey there,

It's not a great review but all i can say is it was a great read! The idea was a brilliant one and i laughed through it. Really great story :D

Can't wait to read more!

User avatar
ShadowKnight155
Comment
ShadowKnight155 commented Comment · Mar 16, 2011

Meh. Four was funny, most others were pretty blah, but I'm still in the perverted humor stage. :D No real review, sorry!

-Skis

User avatar
LowKey
Review
LowKey wrote a review Review · Mar 16, 2011

First thought upon completing: better get it copyrighted to your name. It's simple and funny enough for someone to copy and paste in an email and send out as a chain letter deal, or to tag their friends in a note with it on facebook (haha) (but really). Granted, just by posting it here on YWS, you've copyrighted it to yourself. Still, maybe email it to yourself so that way it has your real name as well as a time stamp on it.

The opening scene was a bit awkward, mainly on the part of the MC due to their dialogue. Death's dialogue was crisp and clear, providing an insight into its character. Stuttering is something that's hard to pull off in short stories, in part because it's easy to do badly and in part because when you do, you don't have a lot of room to redeem yourself in. In this case, less is more. My recontamination would be to have the MC stutter one word, once. Rather than, "w-w-word" have it be "w-word" and then leave it at that. Anything more could very easily make it seem overdone and awkward, as it is now.

Other than that, the writing was very smooth. I especially liked number 3. XD Very awesome

Warrior Princess wrote a review Review · Mar 15, 2011

I have to agree with everyone else in saying that this is a work of genius. My only complaint would be that it's very short and seems a little incomplete. I would've loved to see this made into a longer story; but it's still great as it is.

#10) I agree with Renn: it's clever how you made this the least of his worries. It annoys him, but not as much as....
#9) Die when you're supposed to, dangit!
#8) & #7) Though I've never heard of either of these happening to anyone, I can see how it would be problematic for Death!
#6) I've always wondered why people freak out about their cat being up a tree. But then, this also made me wonder how someone could die from trying to get them out. Must be a pretty tall tree.
#5) This was really funny. I got the image of a hooded guy digging through a filthy dumpster in search of that darned body. However, you might elaborate a little more on why Death, in all his power, needs the body to collect the soul.
#4) Yes. Just yes.
#3) This is funny, because, being a fangirl, that's the first thing I would think of if I saw a hooded creature with skeletal hands.
#2) I'll admit I didn't understand this at all, since it really has nothing to do with death; but at least it was funny. After all, who ISN'T annoyed at Facebook from time to time?
#1) But really, if you had the choice between dying saving orphans from Nazis and dying.....the other way, which do you think you'd choose?

User avatar
Jashael
Review
Jashael wrote a review Review · Mar 15, 2011

This is so funny. I'll echo though a thought I've read above me: I agree that you could have expanded the dialogue. HIhi... I would have loved a bit more details... the list was perfect at the end of it. Done. 'Nough said... *likes* keep writing! =) hihi...

User avatar
pen
Comment
pen commented Comment · Mar 15, 2011

I also love that he hates facebook. Enjoyed the list. :D Only critical comment about the list is that the wording in it deflates his character somewhat. His voice in the dialogue sounds like the angel of death. List sounds a bit younger. Thought it might better reflect his voice by being more succinct in places.

User avatar
pen
Review
pen wrote a review Review · Mar 15, 2011

I loved it. Funny concept. What I don't like is how Death is indecisive about whether or not he hates these items on the list. I like his stoic/angelic character, but I'd feel better if it were darned certain he doesn't like the things on this list. Why else would he go to the trouble of manifesting?

Also, I really think the description in the introduction could be more specific and detail-oriented. And I'd like to see a bit more scene-setting.

Having said that, I love his character, and I love the short scene. I love that Death simply says "That will do." after you explain the scale of your readership.

User avatar
Renn
Review
Renn wrote a review Review · Mar 15, 2011

Okay this was quite possibly one of the funniest things I've seen on this site! I loved this so much, especially since I am writing a story centering Death. This brings in a whole knew aspect on ideas for me, if you don't mind. Although that might seem cheap for one of us YWSers to say, but inspiration is the greatest flattery.

#10. People who die too early. I like how this is the least of his worries

#9. People who die too late. I can't imagine how bothersome that'd be. XD

#8. People who don't die at all and won't tell me how they did it. 'Just tellez me how ya did it!' Brings a bunch of images to my head

#7. People who somehow die more than once and won't tell me how they did it. Of course...

#6. People who die trying to get their cat out of a tree. (Note to those who could very well die trying to get their cat out of a tree: have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree? Trust me on this. I'm kind of an expert on the subject.) This had me laughing so so hard! I loved this!

#5. People who kill other people and then hide their bodies before I can collect the souls. This is not a scavenger hunt, people. I'm on a schedule. Death is a busy guy, chop chop people!

#4. Teenager boys who die early, who have missed out on so many of the wonders and beauties of life, yet their only regret is that they never got laid. So true.

#3. People who think I'm a Ringwraith and that they've somehow died and gone to Middle-Earth. died and gone to heaven... or Middle Earth... Which one is better?

#2. Facebook The randomness of this was fantastic. :)

#1. People who ask me if they can be go back and die more spectacularly. Or, at least, less embarrassingly. and his biggest issue is... This. :) That would get on my nerves too.

User avatar
BehindtheMask
Comment
BehindtheMask commented Comment · Mar 14, 2011

Hi Paul! I really liked this ^_^ I love your portrayal of death, and I'm happy to see more of that grim humor. I also really liked the opening, with the writer and all that. Awesome job.

ChimpanzeeMinkey wrote a review Review · Mar 14, 2011

This was brilliant! I'm going to join the general opinion here and say I loooved it! For how short this is you gave death a surprisingly graspable character and it was very entertaining at the same time. The idea of death having complaints is pure genius and i couldn't agree more on #2!

User avatar
SmylinG
Review
SmylinG wrote a review Review · Mar 14, 2011

This was so clever and funny. I loved it. My favorite parts on Death's list were 5, 4, and 1. :P Made me laugh. I love when writers hold that ability to bring a physical reaction on in their readers. I'm not quite sure if you meant for this to be commical, but it was fun to read. Great job here. I have no critiques or real nitpicks. It's great the way it is. :)

User avatar
PaulClover
Comment
PaulClover commented Comment · Mar 14, 2011

Thank you all SO MUCH for your kind words/critiques :D It really means a lot, especially since I've had a nasty case of writer's block as well as a surgery looming over my head. I honestly had no idea this would get such a cool response, so I just wanna say thanks!

(Oh, and Death says "hi")

User avatar
WaitingForLife
Comment
WaitingForLife commented Comment · Mar 14, 2011

Heya Paul,

You make my life too easy. I've nothing to say that wouldn't be praise. I'm pretty sure you're the most entertaining writer on this whole darn site. Be proud of your work.

That's it. Wow.
|Life|

User avatar
Jas
Comment
Jas commented Comment · Mar 14, 2011

I called that.

User avatar
Daisuki
Review
Daisuki wrote a review Review · Mar 14, 2011

This was fantastic! So creative, and I laughed about a hundred times! I love the character of Death, and also what he doesn't like. Number four was especially funny, and I also liked number six. I like how Death isn't evil, the way he should be. Death is not bad. Anyways, I loved it!

User avatar
amiemalamie
Review
amiemalamie wrote a review Review · Mar 14, 2011

Hey, I'm Amie and I will be your reviewer today :)

First of all, let me just say that this was simply charming. It was really refreshing to see Death from a different and innovative perspective. I very much like that he's such a humorous character, kind of makes him seem a little less scary.

The only nit-pick I have really is the ordering of some points. For example, I definitely think #5 should be #1 - it was a pure genius line and should be showcased as such. Love #3, #7, and #8 - can just imagine him being all confused about 7 & 8. That's not to say that I don't love each and every point you have made, excepting maybe the Facebook one - though humorous, I don't really see the relevance. I personally think you could come up with something much wittier that will knock our socks off for a tenth time!

Some really great observations made in this piece on the strange minds of humans and the consequences on poor old, Death. I'm pretty sure that there's many people, like myself, who haven't really considered these points before, especially from the perspective of the one guy they have the greatest impact on.

I am not surprised in the slightest that this is featured *also clicks like* - this was a great piece to wake up to on a monday morning. So light-hearted, regardless of the fact that technically it shouldn't be this way but you managed to pull it off.

-Amie

User avatar
bluepen19
Comment
bluepen19 commented Comment · Mar 14, 2011

Haha! I love this so much. It was simple yet hilarious.
My favorites weres lines six through two. Four and two were probably the ones I liked the most. (:

User avatar
cupcake
Comment
cupcake commented Comment · Mar 14, 2011

I Love this!!!!!!!!!! I like stories that make me smile. Thats all I really have to say. Keep writing! :D

User avatar
Eniarrol
Comment
Eniarrol commented Comment · Mar 14, 2011

Hahahaha love love love love love it :)
Brilliant!!

User avatar
VousEsEtonnant
Comment
VousEsEtonnant commented Comment · Mar 14, 2011

I love how you took death off of its mysterious murky pedastool and gave him a sense of humor. This is great!

User avatar
MOIMOW
Comment
MOIMOW commented Comment · Mar 13, 2011

I don't know how people can not like this story! And yes, that's my review. Thank you for bringing light and laughter into the world, and kudos on being able to do it in a story about Death.

User avatar
LilacSabrie
Review
LilacSabrie wrote a review Review · Mar 13, 2011

Hah! I've laughed so hard at rule number 4. Now, onto my short yet 'well-thought out' review:

You've clearly got the upper hand on Death's characterization. You handled it pretty well and conveyed his personality to the reader spectacularly. That, and with the right timing of humor, made me smile a lot.

Good work. ^^

User avatar
Jas
Review
Jas wrote a review Review · Mar 13, 2011

Hey,

I love this. I can tell it will be featured. It was a great piece and my only nitpick is the '~~' squiggly things. Two of them should be enough. The humor, the writing and the grammar was all great. MAKE MORE OF THESE! Fantastic work and sorry for the crappy review.

Favorite Lines: #6. People who die trying to get their cat out of a tree. (Note to those who could very well die trying to get their cat out of a tree: have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree? Trust me on this. I'm kind of an expert on the subject.)

#5. People who kill other people and then hide their bodies before I can collect the souls. This is not a scavenger hunt, people. I'm on a schedule.

#4. Teenager boys who die early, who have missed out on so many of the wonders and beauty of life, yet their only regret is that they never got laid.

#3. People who think I'm a Ringwraith and that they've somehow died and gone to Middle-Earth.


Grade: A+

~ Jas

User avatar
Gracie
Review
Gracie wrote a review Review · Mar 13, 2011

Hi there.

Great, fantastic. I wish I could find a few more words for this. I just tell you what I love about it.

Firstly, your opening sentence makes it impossible to not read on

"This morning, I met Death at the side of the road as I was collecting yesterday's mail."

How could you not read on?

Secondly I Love the dark humour. I don't know how you made a piece titled "Things I Don't Like" By Death" Funny, but you did.

User avatar
Tommybear
Comment
Tommybear commented Comment · Mar 13, 2011

Haha a great continuation of the Death Character! I loved it Paul :D

WritersUnleashed commented Comment · Mar 13, 2011

Dude, you do not know HOW much I laughed at this. This was me:
10 Yup
9 Yup
8 Lol
7 Lol times 2
6 Now thats just sad
5 Hahaha
4 HAHAHHA that is so true. That would be my only regret
3 .....uumm
2 THIS WAS THE BEST ONE
1 haha

User avatar
xiahouzay
Review
xiahouzay wrote a review Review · Mar 13, 2011

I Never Knew Death Was A Mail Carrier XD This Was To Funny, I Don't Know If It Was Meant To Be Funny Or Not But I Took It As Hillarious. Except The Part About Facebook. Facebook Is Awesome! *My Opinion* Hopefully Death Writes More And Gets A YWS Account :) Keep Up The Great Work

~Xiahou Zay

User avatar
Kaitlin
Comment
Kaitlin commented Comment · Mar 13, 2011

Love-love-love-love.

Lame review, I know. But that's really all I can say.

Love-love-love-love-love-love.

This is great.



Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
— Apple Inc.