Published November 24, 2006
Cry alone, you’ve gone away,
No more nights, some much pain
You’ve gone alone, took all my strength
I’ve had my world changed,
I won’t see you tonight.
[CHOURS]
Sorrow, creeping in my blood
People all around me
But not the one I care for and love.
Building up inside of me, a pain so great so cold,
She the only one who sets me free
I pine for you
Your not here to hold me
As the day ends
I won’t see you tonight.
[CHOURS]
Sorrow, creeping in my blood
People all around me
But not the one I care for and most of all I love
But I can’t see you tonight
Please don’t forget me, I’ll cry everyday
Cry alone, you’ve gone away,
No more nights, some much pain
You’ve gone alone, took all my strength
I’ve had my world changed,
I won’t see you tonight.
No more breath inside
Your not here by my side
No more breath inside
Your not here by my side
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I dig it... to a degree. I like the fact that a lot of people can relate to the emotions you are portraying here. Judging by the fact that he have put a chorus in this poem, am I right in assuming that it is a song? If so, I would suggest that you be more consistent in your your rhythm from line to line. If you were singing this poem you would have to change the melody or chord structure for every verse because most of the verses contain different numbers of lines. If it is not a song, then you can disregard what I said. Although, as carelessaussie13 pointed out, you still might want to work a more definite rhythm into this thing. Nice work,
~El Hidalgo Don Quixote de la Mancha
umm i found this quite good but i would like to point out a few mistakes.... it would be better if u wrote
Best of luck!
so much pain instead of some much pain
plus i think u should work a little on the rhyming....otherwise the poem was great and i love the feelings u were trying to portray
I liked this, carelessaussie13 is right it's full of emotion. The bit(s) I really liked was
"Cry alone, you've gone away,
No more nights, some much pain"
Where did you get your inspiration from?
lol, yeah!
cliche??? Whatever.
This is really good, full of emotion, but I would recommend rhythm. It's also a little cliche, but who in this site cares about that? Honestly.