Bright lights. Red curtains. Wood stage.
The audience whispered amongst one another, talking about the grand performance they just saw. That little girl. She was brilliant! She was a star! She was on her way to Broadway!
A man dressed sharply in a black texedo walked onto the stage and stopped before the microphone. He picked it up and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen! Thank you so much for attending this performance. Now, let us introduce you our young star—only 13, mind you—let's give a huge round of applause for WEDNESDAY GRETZKY!"
A girl with ash hair entered the stage, dressed in a violet ballgown and dress shoes. She waved and smiled, her face filled with delight. The audience stood up and clapped till their hands hurt, shouting the girl's name.
"Wednesday! Wednesday! Wednesday! Wednesday!"
This is a dream come true, Wednesday thought eagerly as she heard the crowd cheer for her wonderous acting, singing and dancing.
Wait a minute.
"Wednesday! Wednesday! Wednesday! Wake up!"
*******
Wednesday Gretzky groggily opened her eyes.
"Wednesday, winter break is over. Mom wants you downstairs now."
Wednesday put a pillow over her head. "Leave me alone, Yume."
Yume took the pillow off and poked her. "Come on, Wednesday! Don't you want to see Haruka and Toby?"
Wednesday rolled her eyes. "Ugh, fine," she grumbled, swinging her legs off the bed. Some winter break. All she did was spend it playing in the creek.
"Yay!" Yume cheered. "See you at the breakfast table!" Then, she ran back downstairs, giggling like crazy.
Wednesday wanted to stay in bed and continue that dream of being a new Broadway star, but now it was time to face the day. Bummer.
She picked up the clothes on her bed and put them on. A gray T-shirt with a sketchy microphone, a long dark red skirt and her sneakers. Then, she took out her favorite patchwork newsboy cap and put it on her head as she went downstairs.
Sure enough, her mom, her brother and her sister were waiting. "Hey, lazybones," said her 17-year-old brother, Silver. Silver never missed a chance to mess with Wednesday, but he was a very good brother.
Yume had already broken out her favorite cereal, Marshmallow Rockets. Yume was Wednesday's 8-year-old sister. She near-idolized her big sister but still could be a deadpan snarker to everyone else.
"Hungry, Wednesday?" asked her mom. Her mother's name was Cleo. Cleo Gretzky was a stay-at-home mom, but because she trusted Silver and Wednesday enough to not get into trouble (for getting Cleo angry would mean facing her terrifying wrath) she didn't mind whatever they did.
Mrs. Gretzky put a plate of Belgian waffles in front of Wednesday. Belgian waffles with powdered sugar and maple syrup were her favorite.
"Thanks mom," she said, and began to stuff forkfuls of sweet waffle into her mouth. She took a gulp of milk and asked, "By the way, when is dad coming home?"
Wednesday's dad was a lawyer and frequently went on business trips, but he always found a day where he could be with his family. Just not today, apparently.
"He'll be home on Thursday," said Mrs. Gretzky. "He's been so busy lately; it'll be nice to see him home."
Wednesday smiled.
After breakfast, she went into the closet and took out her umbrella. Or, shall we say, her favorite umbrella.
Another strange thing Wednesday did was collect umbrellas. She had the entire hall closet next to Yume's room dedicated to that. She had a wide array of umbrellas: polka dots, stripes, zig-zags, floral, transparent, even a patchwork umbrella. However, she only had one favorite.
She reached in and pulled out a brown umbrella, the color of a warm cup of cafe au lait. On it was a shower of white bokeh dots, which gave a wonderful sparkle effect. Wednesday loved this umbrella, and it was the only one she actually carried into the rain of Willows.
Umbrella in hand and backpack on back, she kissed her mother, said goodbye to her siblings and headed out into the January rain.
Wednesday walked to school slowly, pondering the dream she had.
She thought that everybody, even herself, had a purpose. She couldn't deny that. Some people were destined to be doctors, or lawyers, or whatever. To Wednesday, everyone's purpose must have something to do with their name. Personality-wise or life-wise, she thought people's names were a special tie to signify what kind of person they are.
That's why Wednesday always worried about what kind of person she would be. She loved acting, but that didn't necessarily mean she would be an actress, now would it?
She was so lost in her thoughts that she barely noticed that she walked into the school without opening the door first.
"Hello, my beautiful Wednesday~!"
Damn.
Toby Williams sashayed towards her, playing with her hair. No wonder he was one of the dorkiest kids in school. (Wednesday was ridiculed, but no one really thought she was a dork). "Good morning! It's so lovely to see your face again! How about a good morning kiss?"
Wednesday blew her bangs away from her face and frowned at him. "How about "no"."
"You're cute when you're grumpy."
She rolled her eyes and continued down the hall to the drama room, where she usually went until school started. She put her backpack down and sat on the stage, listening to the faint billowing of the curtains.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
I found this to definitely be relatable to virtually anyone who reads this. My main advice to you would be pace yourself. You don't need to tell readers everything about a character so early on. Throughout the story, you can introduce characters, and slowly add powerful, yet subtle details. You can also allow readers to learn about the characters throughout their mannerisms and gesticulations. You did show this with Wednesday and her umbrella collecting. It was a nice detail that we learned over the course of time.I especially saw wonderful usage of this with Toby Williams. The way he speaks to Wednesday and the way he moves, specifically when you write, "Toby Williams sashayed towards her," readers see part of Toby's personality without you having to say it. However, this could be a stylistic choice, and if so it is absolutely fine. Another thing is you do not need to say "Wednesday" as much as you did, however, this may be a stylistic choice, so I do not want to criticize your artistic preference. All and all it was a nice first chapter. I noticed no grammatical errors and I really like the choice of the name Wednesday, it makes your character unique and creative. I really enjoyed reading!
Thank you! Style is a big part of the way I write, because everything is based on scenes of a world I wouldn't mind living in. I am thankful that you respect that. ^_^
I took your advice and edited out a bunch of extra "Wednesday" use, because my mind was sometimes in other places as I wrote the chapter and I kept writing her name to remind myself.
I'm glad you like Wednesday's name! Half of the book will center on how Wednesday wonders on whether her name is meaningful or not.
Have a nice day!
Nice. I like that you put in a typical annoying weird kid relationship. I also like that in your story everyone is supposed to have a purpose. I believe so too, just that it might not be a job that you are just meant for, it might be an event that wouldn't have been the same if someone else had been there in your place. One thing I am a little skeptical about, this might be a warm winter, I don't know. But spending winter break playing in a creek? I'm just not sure. Otherwise it was great, as always.
~Kelpies
Thanks! You just summed up the message of this novel. ^_^ Also, now that I think on it, I should have reworded that part about the creek. It's always raining in Wednesday's hometown, so I should say that she was playing near the creek.
Thank you for reviewing!
No prob.