Waiting For A Soldier

Ah yay, I edited it and it worked,

Hm...You should be able to do that. Maybe ask a mod what's up.

Thanks but, I already had that done and for some reason when I submitted it it did not come up that way. Thanks for taking your time to read it tho,

Hi Passion! I'm here to review!

First off, this definitely needs to be separated into stanzas. Remember that, much like prose, poetry needs to start on new lines when you feel the subject is changing a little. Think of it as a new paragraph: you're still talking about the same thing, but you need to start fresh so that everything makes sense. Try this:

PassionForAPen wrote:''Shhh...'' she whispered,
Her head resting on his chest,
Listening to the heartbeat of her
Perfect brown eyed mess.

His hand brushed through her hair
And he let out a sigh,
While she lay still and adamant,
Not to let him see her cry.

The grass around them grew colder,
And the sky above them grew dark,
And suddently there was nothing left
But the empty sunless park.

Their memories of laughter
Were well and truely gone,
And now all they had between
Then was the reality of moving on.

It was strange she thought to herself,
To feel so incredibly pleased,
To be so relaxed and yet,
Be filled with dread and unease.

''I must go now'' he said,
''My plane will be leaving soon''
He gave her one last hug and
Kissed her under the moon.

''I will return one day,
And I'll bring the biggest ring,
And I promise for the rest of your
Life you'll want for not a thing''.

And just like that he was gone,
And he'd left her on her own,
And 'til this day she wonders,
When her soldier will come home.