Published October 4, 2011
I've decided to remove some of my writing for now.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,622 Literary Works • 673,563 Reviews
Wow! this is great. You took the typical "Abandoned/outcast farmboy rejected/abandoned by his familY" route but then made the inside filling of this routine story very unique! Like I always say, take a used idea and make it better... I like how you based off of the eastern demon rather than the western one, which would make your character Faust less of the typical western "monster" and more of a tragic hero of sorts. Out of curiosity, is the black mark on his forehead Kanji?
You characterized very well, And it read very easily. I had no problem getting a feel for your creations, and the way you described their actions made them very realistic. You strayed away from things like "he was strong" or "she was mean" and you used more...mature adjectives that allowed a real portrait of your characters to be painted. You did a good job of introducing your world: You gave information about it in bits and pieces, not in one very long prologue which could get boring. Even after reading this small segment, I feel like I have a real grasp and understanding of the universe you've created thus far. All in all, Good work!