Memoria

'I break like glass' could be better?

A very good poem. Good theme, and the imagery of it was very good. My only suggestion as that the placing of 'china' seem a little bit repetitive, or messy. Maybe you want to tweak that. Other than that though, this is amazing!

I've never read that, maybe I should do!

A dark poem, wonderfully written. The symbolism is perfect as far as I am concerned. It reminds me of the book "The Thirteenth Tale" by Diane Setterfield.

I really like that! That's such a good idea... I don't know why I didn't think of doing it past tense. I especially like that new line remember how I spelt... ideal. The only thing I would say is that the last couple of lines are probably written in a bit of a confusing way... it's meant to be remember my pale days (in the past), when i am bright like orange on blue (in the future). But that line can be changed and made better anyway.. thank you both of you xx

I agree that it would be good in past tense. But I still liked it. It was really good!

I think that maybe this poem would be better if you wrote it in the past tense. Example:

Remember me as a pale ghost
A milky, misty fragrance
Don't forget the white of my eyes
The veil of fear I wore since this part of the poem is past tense I think all of it should be

Remember me as an old song
A shattered plate
I'll break like china
Remember how I slept I just think this would work better here

Remember me as a dream
A pale dream
You woke up early
Remember a white dust
Which faded and blew away

Remember me if I change

Remember my pale days
When I'm bright like orange on blue These two don't really go together because you put pale and bright together

Remember I was like china when we met