Published March 30, 2011
Walking down life’s empty path
I find myself alone.
The answers are not fully clear
And sometimes never shown.
Yet somehow I think I will reach an end,
And I’ll find happiness someday.
But as for now I walk alone
On this dark and gloomy day.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,564 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Oh, and another thing, about the length. I think it was a great length for this particular poem. But, if you ever find the time to make a longer poem adding details about how your life is lonely, that could show even more emotion and feeling.
Wooow, for this certain little poem, I LOVED IT!! It was so straight to the point and clear. Basically, you need to find true happiness. Personally, I think the length of this poem was PERFECT. It didn't have to be long at all. But, one thing that didn't work out quite right is the rhythm. The rhythm of the first two lines was excellent, but the fifth and sixth didn't jive well with the rest. Maybe just leaving out some of the words here and there, or replacing them with shorter ones that mean the same thing.
Wonderful meaningful poem overall!!! I've felt the exact same thing, and I believe it's very true that everyone is walking their own path, but, when I feel like I can't make it any further on the path, and I'm about to loose hope, I ask God to help me. He has been my sole comforter. He gives me all the love I will ever need!
I think you need first of all to make the syllable count regular on each line - that would make it sound a million times better, and you can do that pretty much without changing the meaning at all even at face value. Also, I think it was too 'voila'. You just said what you thought, without making us feel anything. As the others said, use some imagery and more figurative speech to make it even better
Hello, I'm Anger and I'll be your reviewer for the day.
For me this poem is too short to really make an impact. I get the general message of the poem. But I feel like there should be a bit more imagery in this to make it asthetic therefore I think you should make use of a thesarus to find words you wouldn't normally think of.
Hope that helped,
Anger
Thanks for the advice! Haha thats really funny, because I just commented on your poem before reading this!
Heeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyy dogs here! I just read your poem and it is AWSOME! Its short, simple, too the point, and it is very smooth. I think that this is a good piece that doesn't necessarily have anything wrong but can be expanded upon greatly. For example to make this piece of work even strong then it already is you should describe what and where your walking. Not like "im walking in down town new york" obviously not but i mean describe the side walk and your enviroment. Talk about how the day is gloomy. It's these little poems that make a great poem to a holy crap this poem just blew my mind poem. So good luck with that and KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!!!
P.S: you should check out my new poem "Song birds are the only kings" cause no one has replied and it makes me sad :,(
TuckEr EllsworTh