Daddy

Hey, Pan. I just wanted to say that you write some really nice poems. I found this one especially touching, the rhymes were amazing and well-placed. The pace of the poem is great, and it flows better than the hate does through Darth Vader. I hope this helps encourage you to write more. ^^

Hey, there. I want to say that this poem is really beautiful. I won't say it took a turn because I feel as though I saw it coming. My father was nothing like this but I know that fathers can mess up a lot and I've never seen a poem about a father being a good one. You took the reader into your life and opened up books that not everyone was ready to see and for that, I admire you. It takes a special person to open up doors like this and let people know how you feel and what you go through. Great poem, it was deep.

I read it feeling a bit jealous of the relationship, but it took a turn I wasn't ready for. I actually started to tear up. How heartbreaking this is...
I think this is perfect the way it is and it's just amazing!

Wow. This story toke a TURN. I thought that you wrote just a normal story about a little girl and her dad but fooled me. Nice twist, this story is nice I mean very nice. It was sad and yet realistic. I really liked how she aged through out this. From a small girl to a teenager to a young adult. And I also like how her view changed of him as she ages.it kind of show the hardships that every family some have to go through. This was a very nice read keep writing

There are no words to express the yearning for love and pain that I feel from this poem. Although I have a pretty okay relationship with my father, I still feel like I don't spend enough time with him or even speak to him as much as I should. It's always been that way, not because I don't love him but because I just don't have a strong connection to him compared to my sister. I have a stronger connection to my mother, in fact. This makes me want to call him and tell him how much I appreciate him and let him know how much I love him. Maintaining a relationship with family is so important because you never know when you will last see them. Thank you so much for this beautiful piece of work. Very inspiring!

I am in love with this poem. It's so honest and so easy to relate to. i love the gradual change in tone so there's no definitive moment in which the shift happens. It creates the idea that "daddy" didn't just make a silly mistake, it was continuous. I love the transition from "daddy" to "dad" to "Father" signifying the straining relationship. I can't write poetry very well, not honest poems. They're always silly so admire anyone who can pull of soemthing like you just did.

Hello there! The first thing I want to say is that this really struck home with me, as my father (whom I no longer live with) is a bartender who gets paid under the table and often drank my mom's money. I can definitely understand the emotions coming from this.

Now, onto the actual reviewing. I loved the contrast between the beginning and end, the innocent questions turning into rather bitter statements. It conveys your emotions perfectly, by making them seem more drastic by comparison. Secondly, I think that the rhyming actually works rather well here. Normally, I prefer rhymes on more light-hearted poems, but you made it work. I think part of that is because it started out so innocently. I also liked the way that the maturity went up with each line, it told a story, rather than simply putting the emotions out there.

There were a few lines where it felt like the flow was off a bit, although this may have just been the way I read it. This was the last line of the second and fourth verses. For me personally, it felt like it just needed an added syllable. Also, the second line of the fifth verse felt a bit long in comparison. Again, that might just be the way I read it, I'm not quite sure.

Oh! Also, in the fourth verse, second line, I'm assuming that you meant to put a period after sickly? Because 'you' is capitalized? I mostly noticed tha there was no punctuation because you did not capitalize the next letter in other continuous sentences (I'm sorry if that was written weird, I have a hard time making sense to others).

Anyway, I think that overall, this was very well written, and conveyed emotion beautifully. The main difficulty I had reading it was just with the breaks in the flow.

Wow!
I love the way the poem transitions from the sweet kid adoring the father to the hate-filled version. I can relate to this very well. I didn't like the rhyme balance in the first few stanzas, though. It seemed a bit too fast paced. I loved the end half of the poem .My favourite stanzas were the 4th and 6th ones.
Good work.

I understand some of your sentiment here, but I would suggest not making it a rhyming poem. Rhythm poems for deeply felt emotions can become typical and uninteresting. They don't really produce a lot of effect.

If you're feeling a bunch of emotions you'd like to share, just write it out like a letter in poetry form. No need to rhyme. There's a part of you you're expressing when you wrote this and you're hinderancing your freedom of expression by rhyming and making it slightly (no offense) annoying to read. I'm trying to grasp all the emotions yet there's a rhyme in there with "Joke and choke" xP You have to understand that it's good to rhyme for typical poems, or the way you rhyme in certain poems.

But when you're trying to express deep frustration, pain or anger, rhyming is not a good option. Otherwise I'm sure this would have been a fantastic piece.

I definitely liked how it progressed throughout. I thought that was interesting.

Keep writing and hit my wall or PM me if you have any questions or want more tips.

Hey there! Wow this piece is so strong. I am terribly sorry if this is based off something that you've experienced. But writing sure lets it out, doesn't it? Anyways, review time!

Review-y Things

Daddy, why is the sky blue?
Daddy, did you know I love you?

my only problem was that you were nowhere to be seen.

I havent seen you in months, now I'm starting to fear

You said that you were fine! Were you trying to trick me?
"I'm doing fine, doll, don't worry about me!"

I can't help but think of the man who is a fake.