Published December 1, 2014
I kinda have something wrong up there, but if you don't like, then don't read kthxbye
Ah, the
sinkage of teeth
into
the soft flesh of your sister.
The
taste of her sweaty, salty skin stings your tongue
but
her fingers are digging through your arm
You
won't give up--
you
can't give up,
you
are the dominant.
Your
teeth grind deeper
--until
you're at the point of ripping her skin off.
Blood
splatters your face
and
her shrill scream sounds, but you ignore it
"Mooooooommmm!"
*I know there are a few errors in grammar and punctuation, but think back to the time when you were younger, you didn't know the proper usage of was/were. This poem is based on young siblings brawling, so
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141,271 Literary Works • 674,332 Reviews
Hey...
Just took me a little while to get other things done. 
haha when I said I would come over here and write a review I definitely wasnt expecting that. 
haha
haha
its like its rushing on to the next thing that happens if that makes sense! 
Great job. You have a talent for writing different things, that usually arent addresses...
haha
Here I am, I promised to review!
Well....
I do sorta like it though! not something I usually read, but then... there is a first time for everything right?
"until you're at the point of ripping her skin off
blood splatters your face" should be a comma between these two lines!
"blood splatters your face
and her shrill scream sounds," I would take out the "and" just doesnt flow very nice with it in there! I think it would make it a little more intense to take it out too.
Thats really all I have to say!
Good luck with editing!
I actually mentioned below; I have the format in that way for a reason. Lol. But thanks for the review!
oh ok... sorry I should have read the review and comments before I wrote mine...:/
Lol, I should make a not at the bottom...
Well that was kind of...I wasn't expecting that to end that way 0.0 It was pretty freaking creepy, I'll give you that. The idea of cannibalism and torture to the extreme such as this usually turns me off, but you got me with the last line.
There seem to be some grammar errors, but since this seems to be a one-time, real quick thing, I'll let most of them slide. The one thing that kept bothering me was the first line where there should be a space after the comma. It might be intentional but I'm thinking that it's a typo? Another thing I'd suggest is putting quotation marks around the final line to make it clear that it's a line being spoken.
This is definitely different and something I've never seen here before, so I'll give you one for originality. I rate this a 6/10. It was well written, but the subject was just squicky for me. Don't take anything personally, though! Keep on writing!
Lol, the style is meant to be like that. It's supposed to be immature
and the cannibalism/torture is the bickering and fighting between siblings
Ah okay. Thanks for clearing that up!
No problem