Published July 2, 2011
I’ve always known I was different.
A car rushes past, followed closely two black and white vehicles that scream in a heart pounding way.
Ever since that day.
The car swerves, and shakes despite the driver’s best efforts. Without warning it veers, straight through the trees and over the cliff.
The day I jumped.
A silver metal lump is pulled up from its half submerged position onto the blacktop. A firefighter opens the mangled door and looks inside.
There’s no one there.
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140,539 Literary Works • 673,409 Reviews
I agree with lockedlibrary, you have to write more! I have to know what happens next, and more about him/her! I think it could be a little clearer, since I wouldn't have understood what happened to the person but for the title. Nice title choice, though. I always have trouble with titles, but you chose a pretty good one. I'd read this novel, probably. Good job, excellent START.
A wonderful start! I'd love to read more as well! It's very suspenseful, and your writing has a great edge to it. The italics really make it great. It's like a script for the beginning of a movie where there's a voice over on a dramatic event.
I like the way the story is switching between thoughts and what is actually happening. Even so, the story is very short and never get to a complet conclusion.
So, I'm sad to say that because this is so short, I don't have as much to say as per my usual reviewing standards. D: Perhaps this was placed in the wrong forum? If I were you I may have placed it under Other, rather than Short Stories, because this isn't quite a story. There's no real plot, or sturdy characters, or anything solid that would go along the lines of a short story. Though I do see the potential this has, it more so seems like a short exchange of events and that's really it. It might've even fit under poetry had you taken a slightly different approach stylistically, but I can see where your intentions lay.
I noticed you had a sort of style thing going on with the italics. When read together it says: 'I've always known I was different. Ever since that day. The day I jumped.' Was this based off that movie 'Jumper'? I loved that movie. Or maybe more like 'The Time Traveler's Wife'. I like that you chose to write something short and to the point on something like it. That's basically what it reminded me of.
That said though, I'd at least like to take a shot at lending my thoughts on the actual content aside from the obviousness of this being so short. So on with this.
Anyway. I caught one nitpick here:
There was a word missing. But other than that, nice job I suppose. Though it could have been much longer, what you have here sent an image in my head. I would consider lengthening this though. I think you would only benefit if you did.
-Smylin'
Brilliant! i love the quick change of events, and also the tone used...I'll definitely love to read more.
Brief, but spectacular. I think the essence of not having much beef actually adds it. I liked how you italicized certain parts. I especially liked how everything was clear. It definitely enticed me. Post more...I'll read it.
That's dope! I love how it switches between different events and thoughts - kind of reminded me of a few parts in Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. Also, great word choice in the car crash description. I want to read more by you!